How to 'put a baby down' for a nap

[jenrett]

Lots of questions here, not much time to type! Here goes:

My DS is 3.5 months old. I have never "put him down" for a nap - awake, that is. He occasionally will let me put him down once he falls asleep, but he typically will only nap for at MOST 45 minutes at that point. I've just started to try to "put him down" for a nap while he's awake, but he fusses, and I can't stand it. So far I have been unsuccessful, meaning, he doesn't nap. Am I going to him too soon? How do you tell the difference between fussing b/c he is tired and resisting sleep vs. crying it out (which I won't do, of course).

Is there some sort of time limit, or volume limit, or type of fussing that you are okay with? Am I going to my son too soon, should I let him fuss for a few minutes and see if he falls asleep?

Same with putting him down to bed...I just started trying to put him down earlier, and he falls asleep really fast (BF to sleep) but he usually stays asleep for only 20 minutes (45 last night!) and then I have to go repeat the process....every 10-20 minutes until I want to go to bed.

He used to be a really good sleeper and then recently started waking up every 2 hours, and he isn't napping. I can tell he is tired - exhausted, even, so for his sake, I want him to take naps!

Please help!

[SeattleRain]

Are you guys swaddling? Swaddling can really extend the amount of time your baby can sleep, so if you're not doing that you should give it a shot.

So when you're talking about "fussing" are you talking about that "eh eh eh" kind of sound they make when they're not super happy or are you talking about full on crying? I would say if the baby is just fussing and making little discontented sounds, you don't have to go to them RIGHT away but be very close. If the fussing you're talking about is really crying, then I'd go to them.

We cosleep in the bedroom, but we don't bedshare, so this might not be useful to you. But here's how I put my 2.5 month old down to sleep: After I make sure he's well fed and diapered, I swaddle him up and hold him in cradle position in my arms. I stick a paci in his mouth, but you can opt not to do this if you so choose. He will immediatly start crying this special cry he seems to do only when he's really tired and resisting sleep. Then I start rocking him, until I see his eyes close... and then 5 minutes more. Afterwards I put him down in a pitch black room with a little white noise (like the AC on or a white noise cd). We put him in his crib, but you could lay him down in bed.

Babies do cry often when they're RIGHT before sleep, I just don't let him cry like that alone, he does it while I'm rocking him and it passes. If you put your baby down and he starts crying, pick him up and soothe him back to sleep. There are people who might tell you that you should do that for however long you want the baby to nap, so if you want him to nap for an hour or two hours, keep soothing him to sleep in the dark room for that about of time until he figures out that he's going to sleep during that time. But he's not figuring it out alone, which is CIO.

[Tway]

DD is almost 11 months and I breastfeed her to sleep most naps. It's WAY simpler than transferring her to a crib, or trying to get her to fall asleep on her own. At some point I decided "screw the experts" and made our lives a whole lot easier.

At night, I feed DD and DH puts her to bed by shushing and patting and holding her hand. We tried the self-soother thing for a months or so when she was 4 months, but it stopped working. Again, I was fed up of bedtimes and decided to go the way that got everyone some peace.

HTH!

ETA: DD has almost only ever slept 45-minute naps. I think it's just in her nature. PLus we use a paci, which gets her over from drowsy to sleep.

[jenrett]

Originally Posted by SeattleRain

Are you guys swaddling? Swaddling can really extend the amount of time your baby can sleep, so if you're not doing that you should give it a shot.

So when you're talking about "fussing" are you talking about that "eh eh eh" kind of sound they make when they're not super happy or are you talking about full on crying? I would say if the baby is just fussing and making little discontented sounds, you don't have to go to them RIGHT away but be very close. If the fussing you're talking about is really crying, then I'd go to them.

We cosleep in the bedroom, but we don't bedshare, so this might not be useful to you. But here's how I put my 2.5 month old down to sleep: After I make sure he's well fed and diapered, I swaddle him up and hold him in cradle position in my arms. I stick a paci in his mouth, but you can opt not to do this if you so choose. He will immediatly start crying this special cry he seems to do only when he's really tired and resisting sleep. Then I start rocking him, until I see his eyes close... and then 5 minutes more. Afterwards I put him down in a pitch black room with a little white noise (like the AC on or a white noise cd). We put him in his crib, but you could lay him down in bed.

Babies do cry often when they're RIGHT before sleep, I just don't let him cry like that alone, he does it while I'm rocking him and it passes. If you put your baby down and he starts crying, pick him up and soothe him back to sleep. There are people who might tell you that you should do that for however long you want the baby to nap, so if you want him to nap for an hour or two hours, keep soothing him to sleep in the dark room for that about of time until he figures out that he's going to sleep during that time. But he's not figuring it out alone, which is CIO.

We don't swaddle - DS never seemed to like it. Maybe I will try it again though, it has been 3 months since we tried it.

The fussing I'm talking about is the "eh eh eh" kind. Earlier I put him down (fed, changed, sleepy) and he started off with the eh eh eh fussing, and then started shrieking, but really briefly. He's just found his screaming/shrieking voice, which he'll do while playing, etc, so I didn't think it was a bad sound, just different. Well, that went on for about 2 minutes and then he started crying so I immediately went in to him. We ended up BFing to sleep, and then I lay him down and he slept about 40 minutes.

Originally Posted by Tway

DD is almost 11 months and I breastfeed her to sleep most naps. It's WAY simpler than transferring her to a crib, or trying to get her to fall asleep on her own. At some point I decided "screw the experts" and made our lives a whole lot easier.

At night, I feed DD and DH puts her to bed by shushing and patting and holding her hand. We tried the self-soother thing for a months or so when she was 4 months, but it stopped working. Again, I was fed up of bedtimes and decided to go the way that got everyone some peace.

HTH!

ETA: DD has almost only ever slept 45-minute naps. I think it's just in her nature. PLus we use a paci, which gets her over from drowsy to sleep.

I think DS is now in an overtired state where he resists sleep most of the time. This week I plan to just get him to sleep as much as possible in hopes that he'll catch up and then maybe learn to fall asleep more on his own.

BTW, I HAVE to be able to have DS go to sleep, esp at night, without BFing to sleep because of my job. I have no choice in the matter, unfortunately, because I really love BFing him to sleep.

Thanks for the suggestions, keep 'em coming!

[paxye]

I am not OK with any fussing, especially in such a small baby...

Mine have always nursed to sleep or have been worn to sleep etc...and then either be put down (and if they wake up, try again) or just slept on us...

They grow out of it eventually with no tears or fussing involved...

[paxye]

Originally Posted by jenrett

BTW, I HAVE to be able to have DS go to sleep, esp at night, without BFing to sleep because of my job. I have no choice in the matter, unfortunately, because I really love BFing him to sleep.

It doesn't have to be one way or the other, when you are home you can nurse to sleep, when you are not, then there will be a different routine...Kids are very adaptable

[Vaske]

I usually nurse my little guy to sleep at the computer, it takes about 20 minutes for him to fall into a deep enough sleep that I can transfer him to the bed without waking him up. He doesn't usually nap longer than 45 minutes or so. Sometimes if he seems very tired when he wakes up, I'll nurse him some more and he'll sleep a little longer on my lap.

Occasionally at night, if he has nursed but not yet gone to sleep, he'll go to sleep while I pat his back, but almost always nursing works.

My daughter would wake up Every Single Time I tried to put her down asleep. For her, I had to either lie down with her to nurse her to sleep, and then carefully sneak away, or I had to keep her on my lap for the whole nap. So it can depend a lot on the baby's personality. I'm sure there are some babies who will just put themselves to sleep on their own, but they must be a minority.

[Vaske]

Just saw that you couldn't always nurse your baby to sleep because of work...

In that case, your baby and their caregiver will have to work out an alternative way of going to sleep for naps, and it will probably be by some method that wouldn't work if you yourself tried it. (Your baby is smart, and knows that you have the good stuff.) So I wouldn't worry too much about training the baby to go to sleep without nursing. It will all work out, one way or another.

[SeattleRain]

Originally Posted by paxye

It doesn't have to be one way or the other, when you are home you can nurse to sleep, when you are not, then there will be a different routine...Kids are very adaptable

I'm going to politely disagree, I think it's good to create a routine around bedtime, especially with a kid who is fighting sleep. At 3 months old, they're developmentally aware of routines so its a good thing to have.

I would recommend you read up on some sleep techniques. Try No Cry Sleep Solution. I'm using Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child but without any "extinction" and I've found it to be extremely helpful.

[paxye]

Originally Posted by SeattleRain

I'm going to politely disagree, I think it's good to create a routine around bedtime, especially with a kid who is fighting sleep. At 3 months old, they're developmentally aware of routines so its a good thing to have. .

I'll disagree too... yes, routine can be very good but Babies are very adaptable and can have different variations of routines with different people.... just like some babies won't take a bottle with mom but will take one with a caregiver or will nurse to sleep most nights but have no problem staying with a babysitter once in a while...

In my experience, If a child is already fighting sleep, making falling sleep more enjoyable will help in the long run...

[jenrett]

Originally Posted by SeattleRain

I'm going to politely disagree, I think it's good to create a routine around bedtime, especially with a kid who is fighting sleep. At 3 months old, they're developmentally aware of routines so its a good thing to have.

I would recommend you read up on some sleep techniques. Try No Cry Sleep Solution. I'm using Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child but without any "extinction" and I've found it to be extremely helpful.

Yes, I have both of those books. I have already read the NCSS and am onto Healthy sleep habits, happy child (recommended to me by doctor friend). I know I have a lot of questions for someone who has read so much! It's tough b/c the books disagree on a lot of things - in fact, the only thing they seem to agree on is how much sleep infants need.

Tonight is the first night DH will try to put DS to bed. Previously we waited until I got home from work around 8 and then put DS to bed (rather, we would eat dinner and then DS and I would go to bed together). We're working on that earlier bedtime....

The other issue is I've noticed DS sleeps REALLY well in the morning when I am out of bed (I often get up at 4:30 to go to work and come home around 8, and DS and DH are still sleeping. You are probably wondering what in the heck I do, but I work a split shift....)

So that's another thing - should I worry about getting naps on a "schedule"? Most books say 9 a.m. is a good morning nap, but if DS isn't getting up until 8 or so, 9 a.m. is too early....he took a brief nap at 10 a.m. today, but that didn't last long.

Thanks for all the help!

[paxye]

How about watching his cues and helping him fall asleep when he is tired instead of looking at a clock...

Babies go through phases of sleeping more and less as they grow and change and don't all need the same amount of sleep and I truly believe it is unnatural and in the end harmful to have babies on such a strict schedule...

[jenrett]

Originally Posted by paxye

How about watching his cues and helping him fall asleep when he is tired instead of looking at a clock...

Babies go through phases of sleeping more and less as they grow and change and don't all need the same amount of sleep and I truly believe it is unnatural and in the end harmful to have babies on such a strict schedule...

Well, I actually just barely started paying attention to the time.

DS seems to go from happy to overtired in 0.4 seconds flat. Maybe I am missing all the cues, or maybe he doesn't give many? I don't know....

[Mama2mc]

We bedshare, nurse for naps and bedtime, and I don't let DS fuss. I'm a very light sleeper so I notice the tiniest noises he makes - when DS is barely waking up I offer the breast, he'll nurse for a few minutes with his eyes closed and then go right back to sleep. Fussing just gets him fully awake, making it harder to get him back to sleep.

[SeattleRain]

Originally Posted by jenrett

Yes, I have both of those books. I have already read the NCSS and am onto Healthy sleep habits, happy child (recommended to me by doctor friend). I know I have a lot of questions for someone who has read so much! It's tough b/c the books disagree on a lot of things - in fact, the only thing they seem to agree on is how much sleep infants need.

Tonight is the first night DH will try to put DS to bed. Previously we waited until I got home from work around 8 and then put DS to bed (rather, we would eat dinner and then DS and I would go to bed together). We're working on that earlier bedtime....

The other issue is I've noticed DS sleeps REALLY well in the morning when I am out of bed (I often get up at 4:30 to go to work and come home around 8, and DS and DH are still sleeping. You are probably wondering what in the heck I do, but I work a split shift....)

So that's another thing - should I worry about getting naps on a "schedule"? Most books say 9 a.m. is a good morning nap, but if DS isn't getting up until 8 or so, 9 a.m. is too early....he took a brief nap at 10 a.m. today, but that didn't last long.

Thanks for all the help!

Oh please, you don't have too many questions!! I'm practically obsessed with sleep and I have tons of questions too. I've had really good success (so far) with HSHHC and he really emphasizes catching baby before they're overtired. He gives a particular window for wakefulness for each developmental stage so that should give you a window of when to put baby down for a nap. Really read it, it should help.

I've never read NCSS but people on this site love it (I think because it's really into not CIO whereas a lot of the other books you have to alter so that you don't CIO) but I think it's pretty strict about the sucking to sleep business. Anyway, hope you have good luck with naps!

[noobmom]

I was never able to put my first child to sleep while he was awake. He was a major comfort nurser and that's the way he preferred to sleep. My second child was a little more willing to sleep without the nursing, but in general, I nurse my children to sleep, even for naps. DH is able to get the baby to sleep, so I agree with the PP who said that kids adapt to different caregivers.

[katelove]

Hi,

My LO is almost the same age as yours (she will be 4 months on Sunday). For naps I usually feed her to sleep but sometimes walking/bouncing works better. And either my DH or I will do this. We co-sleep at night (and if I want a daytime nap ) but the rest of the time I just put her in our bed by herself.

I have found that if she starts to stir after 45mins/an hour if I go back in and feed her again she will usually go back to sleep for another hour or so. It doesn't always work but I would say 80% of the time it does. Sometimes just patting does the trick too but not as well as feeding. Obviously this won't work for you while you're working but it may help to get some really good naps to break that overtired cycle.

Also regarding the signs of tiredness, I have found that one of J's first indications is jerky, flailing arm movements. She is still totally happy but her little arm starts beating the air and I know she's going to need a sleep soon.

[jenrett]

Originally Posted by katelove

Hi,

My LO is almost the same age as yours (she will be 4 months on Sunday). For naps I usually feed her to sleep but sometimes walking/bouncing works better. And either my DH or I will do this. We co-sleep at night (and if I want a daytime nap ) but the rest of the time I just put her in our bed by herself.

I have found that if she starts to stir after 45mins/an hour if I go back in and feed her again she will usually go back to sleep for another hour or so. It doesn't always work but I would say 80% of the time it does. Sometimes just patting does the trick too but not as well as feeding. Obviously this won't work for you while you're working but it may help to get some really good naps to break that overtired cycle.

Also regarding the signs of tiredness, I have found that one of J's first indications is jerky, flailing arm movements. She is still totally happy but her little arm starts beating the air and I know she's going to need a sleep soon.

Hmm, I have noticed that as well, now that you mention it, about the jerking, flailing arms. DS will kinda hit himself repeatedly in the belly, and shorty after that he starts to fuss, and it's a downward spiral from there.

Luckily I am around in the day for MOST of DS's naps, so I will try going in and nursing him back to sleep. I tried that earlier and it didn't work, but I'll give it some more tries.

Thanks!

[jenrett]

Originally Posted by SeattleRain

Oh please, you don't have too many questions!! I'm practically obsessed with sleep and I have tons of questions too. I've had really good success (so far) with HSHHC and he really emphasizes catching baby before they're overtired. He gives a particular window for wakefulness for each developmental stage so that should give you a window of when to put baby down for a nap. Really read it, it should help.

I've never read NCSS but people on this site love it (I think because it's really into not CIO whereas a lot of the other books you have to alter so that you don't CIO) but I think it's pretty strict about the sucking to sleep business. Anyway, hope you have good luck with naps!

I'm 200 pages into it, which is basically the start of the age-appropriate stuff. I do like how at least for young babies he doesn't advocate CIO, though I have read in reviews that he does advocate CIO for SOME older babies if their parents can handle it.

I just wish I would have read these books BEFORE DS was born :P

[crystal_buffaloe]

I have a daughter who will be 4 months on Monday. The thing I took away from HSHHC was that if it's been 2 hours since the last sleep, your baby is tired, so if DD wakes up at 8am, I see if she'll go down for a nap around 10, and almost all the time she is out and asleep in minutes. Also, if she wakes up and it's been less than an hour since she started the nap, I try to convince her to go back to sleep (shh, pat, pacifier, nurse).