High Needs Babies/Children??

[shotmama]

I'm a SAH mother and LO is 10 months old and a friend of ours who has an 8 month old said her doctor advised her to be VERY careful when taking care of a high needs child, because they need to swayed in the right direction. In other words, they could easily succumb to the 'dark side' or whatever if you are not careful.

Our LO is super High Needy/Intense/Sensitve, but very sweet and we're positive we are giving her loads of love and attention. But after hearing this I wonder if there is anything else we are missing that we didn't think of? I wonder what that doctor meant by 'being VERY careful.'

Anyone else with High Needs Children that can comment on this? (Although I know ALL children are High Needs at some point or another, hehe!)

[ShwarmaQueen]

Originally Posted by shotmama

a friend of ours who has an 8 month old said her doctor advised her to be VERY careful when taking care of a high needs child, because they need to swayed in the right direction. In other words, they could easily succumb to the 'dark side' or whatever if you are not careful.

I've never heard such a strange thing....

Can you find out more of what he was talking about?

[CherryBombMama]

my brother was very high needs, and its never caused other kids to be high needs as well. thats the weirdest thing ive ever heard.

is this a very close friend of yours, or just a casual friend? could it be that she just doesnt want to babysit your child, and is telling you that just in case you ask in other words, are you sure she didnt make that up?

eta: i dont mean to accuse your friend, but thats really the first thing i thought of

[shotmama]

oh goodness I think I may have said that wrong! Sorry! She was saying that her own DS was high needs as well after I was telling her our LO was high needs. I'm a SAH parent so naturally I don't need babysitter, hehe.

We got on the topic because I was telling her we had to be careful when she took naps cause we don't have a crib and she sleep crawls (prolly got it from me, I sleep walk time to time). And that's when she told me about what her LO's doctor told her... So then it got me thinking...

[CherryBombMama]

oooh ok. thanks for clarifying, and again, i didnt mean anything bad against your friend

[shotmama]

no worries, i didn't take it that way. after re-reading what i wrote i think i would have made the same mistake!

[BetsyS]

My first was pretty high needs, though he's had easier periods off and on. He's currently 4, and I would describe him as a high needs 4 year old.

He really likes his routine. A lot. So, with him, I find it important to maintain that as much as possible. But, he is one member of a 5 person family, so the flip side is that he has to learn to deal with interruptions to the routine as well. It's not all about him, as much as he would like. But, mess with his routine too much, and it is all about him, albeit in a negative way (he's a crying, tantruming mess when he's overwhelmed).

So, for me, it's a balancing act of meeting his needs, but also getting him to live in harmony with the family. Of course, this is our job as parents for all of our children. But, with him, it just seems a little harder.

Maybe that's what your friend was talking about?

[SubliminalDarkness]

I'm confused, too.

DS2 was super high needs. Nursed constantly. Had to be held by me. Wouldn't stay in a carrier unless I was moving constantly. Didn't sleep longer than 45 minutes at a time, and never alone. So on and on.....

But what is this 'dark side.' All I did was meet my child's needs. If he needed me, he got me.

He's almost 4 now and is really a lovely, independent child.

[shotmama]

Thanks for your inputs mamas!

i'm not sure what my friend's baby doctor was going on about exactly but DH had assumed that also meant 'spoiling your LO too much will eventually turn him/her into a raging brat.'

we're surrounded by other families who do CIO methods, don't do night feedings, having their LO sleep in other rooms, and they give advice to us about it whenever they see we're a little tired. that is what works for them but i feel that is not going to work for us.

DD is almost 11 months now, she is still waking every 3 hours for night feedings and she cosleeps with me. if she wants to be picked up it's usually to get her mind off the teething (her molars are coming in, she's got 8 teeth at the moment) or some other kind of discomfort, be it emotional or physical. so i do it. we do not have a crib, and she sometimes sleep crawls off the bed so i have to be sure to watch her even while she is napping.

she sometimes plays independently for 5 minutes at a time, but mostly she wants interactive play. i used to be an early development preschool teacher, so i'm accustomed to playing with her all day. it's fun for us!

DH feels i do too much and this could be 'spoiling her' into the 'dark side,' haha! i've seen other moms do the same in this forum do similar things, just wondering about those moms whose LO that are past the baby stage.

[Lady Lilya]

I read something once about baby dandelions vs baby orchids. It said that baby dandelions aren't so sensitive to their environment. You will often hear people say "my parents did X, and I turned out fine." They are probably dandelions. But orchids are sensitive and need specific conditions to thrive. Bad parenting turns them into horrible wrecks, but good parenting makes them bloom beautifully.

So when I saw that thing about the dark side, I imagined a badly-parented orchid who was neurotic and full of issues.

[tjjazzy]

Originally Posted by Lady Lilya

I read something once about baby dandelions vs baby orchids. It said that baby dandelions aren't so sensitive to their environment. You will often hear people say "my parents did X, and I turned out fine." They are probably dandelions. But orchids are sensitive and need specific conditions to thrive. Bad parenting turns them into horrible wrecks, but good parenting makes them bloom beautifully.

So when I saw that thing about the dark side, I imagined a badly-parented orchid who was neurotic and full of issues.

that's a beautiful way of saying it. i'll have to remember that in case my next one is high needs (we have been through 8-9 months of colic between our 2 boys.)

[c'est moi]

Originally Posted by Lady Lilya

I read something once about baby dandelions vs baby orchids. It said that baby dandelions aren't so sensitive to their environment. You will often hear people say "my parents did X, and I turned out fine." They are probably dandelions. But orchids are sensitive and need specific conditions to thrive. Bad parenting turns them into horrible wrecks, but good parenting makes them bloom beautifully.

So when I saw that thing about the dark side, I imagined a badly-parented orchid who was neurotic and full of issues.

what an impressive analogy. i like

[shotmama]

LOVELY!! I will remember that saying, hehe!

[Paigekitten]

My high needs baby is three now. If anything I wish I had given her MORE attention (if that is even possible). I think I embarrass her now, I waved to her in the play structure at McDonald's and she gave a look that could kill! I'm just not used to her running off to play all by herself!

[MariaMadly]

My high needs babies are 17 and 20! They are both still very high-interaction and exhaust DH and me, only now we're on the phone or IMing between midnight and 3:00 AM, or talking about physics or where one of them wants to go to school (also between midnight and 3:00 AM) . . . probably more my speed than singing "Puff the Magic Dragon" /again/. They are completely delightful human beings. Referring to the orchid analogy above, they've responded to our efforts and in turn bring great happiness.