3yo rage. help?

[megababymomma]

My 3.3 year old has recently taken up screaming as his tantrum of choice. He used to just burst into tears and want to cuddle. Now when he's upset about anything (basically not getting exactly what he wants the exact moment he wants it) he screams what he wants over and over again. This is annoying, but it isn't so bothersome as the terrifying face he makes between the screams. His eyes get wide, his lips purse and he won't make eye contact. Then he clicks his teeth together.

I can deal with it all and realize that being short on patience and social grace is developmentally appropriate for a 3yo. We get through most things with the mantras of "validate. validate validate." and/or "my child doesn't have to be happy all the time." but the rage face seriously scares me and I find myself starting to worry that something is really "wrong."

Any thoughts? reassurance? resources?

thanks in advance.

[blizzard_babe]

I don't know, but DS (2.5 y/o) is in the same place when it comes to tantrums. The rage face is what bothers me... the screaming, throwing, etc, isn't nearly as worrysome as the nasty face he makes while doing it. He clenches his jaw and almost SHAKES. I honestly think he's just sooooooo caught up in his anger, and while he knows the phrase, "I'm angry" and what it means, in his little self-centered toddler brain, it doesn't begin to describe it, you know?

But I totally know what you mean... it's not a look I like to see on my little boy's face.

[Llyra]

Honestly, I wouldn't worry about it. My three year olds have all been capable of putting on the most dramatic and alarming displays of anger-- DD2 whacks her own self in the head when she's angry (she's 3 1/2 now), for instance. And DS (her twin) jumps up and down and turns purple and scream until he breaks all the tiny blood vessels in his face-- after a real doozy of a tantrum, he always looks like a little raspberry for a few days. My DD1 was like that at three, too-- I used to worry seriously about whether she had an emotional problem, and think about counseling. Anyway, then I started talking to other mamas of three year olds, and learned that three year olds are just LIKE THAT. They're running up against the unfortunate fact that the world is limited, and that insisting on something doesn't make it true, and that we can't always have what we want. And those are hard, hard lessons to learn, and they kinda have to rage against it, to make sure it's really true.

My cousin's three year old used to hold her own breath until she turned blue and fainted. That was scary! But she's six now, like my DD1, and both girls are perfectly normal and fine, although maybe a bit inclined to drama.

[megababymomma]

thank you both!

that's exactly what I needed... to hear my own thoughts out of someone else's "mouth" to know that just like almost everything we're all in this together!

Many thanks, and here's to the rage passing quickly.