How to ensure my baby doesn't get "accidently" circumcised?

[kblackstone444]

The "baby gets circumcised against parents' wishes" thread really scares me. I'm trying to think of how to ensure my son won't be circumcised against my wishes when he's born in January. I will most likely be delivering without a labor coach and the closest I have to "family" will be my ExHusband (not the baby's Father) and my Father-in-Law. I'm pretty sure neither of them have any issues about circumcision, however, they will respect my wishes. I don't think it will be possible (or in some cases appropriate) for them to be present every moment in the hospital that I am not available to guard my baby. The hospital I will be delivering in is one of the best hospitals around, however, it's about 35 minutes away from the town we all live in, so for much of the time, it will just be me and the baby there. I'm also afraid if I end up with an emergency C-section or some other issue where I'm groggy or out of it, I will not be in any position to watch over my baby. I do not know if the hospital has a rooming-in option, though I certainly plan on either rooming in, or literally setting up camp in the nursery. I can't afford any "do not circ" t-shirts and I am uncomfortable with writing on my baby's body (I know someone who had CPS called on them because they wrote "no circ" on their newborn son's stomach), If I write on every single form "NO CIRC, NO RETRACT" and sticky note the same thing on every form I sign, as well as sticky note the baby bed and write in big black magic marker on the name tag on the baby bed, do you think that will be effective enough?

[Arduinna]

The most surefire way is to birth at home or at a birth center that does not perform circ at all.

[kblackstone444]

Originally Posted by Arduinna

The most surefire way is to birth at home or at a birth center that does not perform circ at all.

I'm aware of that, but unfortunately it's not always an option. In my case, my insurance does not cover home births or birthing centers, I can't afford it myself, and I'm at risk for a complicated delivery. I need to make sure my hospital born son won't get circed.

[bandgeek]

Originally Posted by Arduinna

The most surefire way is to birth at home or at a birth center that does not perform circ at all.

You know, while this may be true for healthy babies, some babies born at home and in birth centers DO end up in the hospital. Regardless of where you PLAN to have your baby, I think having a plan in place to prevent accidental circ is a wise decision.

I had my baby at home and she ended up in the hospital. Hardly "surefire" don't ya think? Thankfully she was a girl and I didn't even have to think about that aspect.

[bandgeek]

OP, I think aside from having someone with you/him 24/7, the best way is to get all the paperwork out of the way before you go into labor and refuse to sign anything WHILE in labor. Labor gets crazy and you might sign something you wouldn't otherwise sign. Let everyone know you are against it. Put a shirt on him that says no circ or "my mommy will sue if you touch my penis". LOL Or even no circ stickers on his diaper. Try to get everything done in the room, like hearing tests and such. If they DO take him for something, ask what it is specifically, and then remind them he is not to be circed. Or go with them if you are able.

[kblackstone444]

Originally Posted by bandgeek

OP, I think aside from having someone with you/him 24/7, the best way is to get all the paperwork out of the way before you go into labor and refuse to sign anything WHILE in labor. Labor gets crazy and you might sign something you wouldn't otherwise sign. Let everyone know you are against it. Put a shirt on him that says no circ or "my mommy will sue if you touch my penis". LOL Or even no circ stickers on his diaper. Try to get everything done in the room, like hearing tests and such. If they DO take him for something, ask what it is specifically, and then remind them he is not to be circed. Or go with them if you are able.

Yes, most of this I had already planned, however, I didn't think of the no circ stickers on the diaper. Good idea.

[Purple*Lotus]

I am totally crashing this forum. I found this on new posts.

If you can't afford a no circ onesie, can you make one yourself with a regular onesie that you already have and a sharpie? That would work and be cheap.

[Fellow Traveler]

The best way is to notify all those who will be in contact with the baby every time you see them. And have someone with him at all times. It would be best to figure out how you can do that.

[fruitful womb]

Its unfortunate this can happen. As long as hospitals are soliciting genital surgery its wise to take precaution. No longer will I be accused of "over-reacting" with measures high enough to protect my son from an "accidental circumcision".

The steps a parent can take isn't really that daunting, even though I wish it wasn't necessary.

This circumcision refusal form is useful. The bottom of that page provides printable options:
You can download this form in Word (*.doc) format or in .pdf format (which requires Adobe Acrobat Reader ) with the template for a sheet of these stickers:

The stickers are great for diapers.

Another idea is to request an identification band that says DO NOT CIRCUMCISE AND DO NOT RETRACT FORESKIN to place around one of the ankles or wrist.

Not sure how you'd make one of those though.

You could also put this sign on your door!

[ElliesMomma]

if you know what hospital you will be using, call them now and simply tell them that you will be delivering in january and that you want to make sure your son is not circumcised. what do you need to do to make sure that doesn't happen? write down their answers. they will probably direct your phone call to the L&D floor. you will probably talk with one of the nurses. be very calm and simply inquisitive. you want to gather all of the information you can about their procedures.

when i did this, i was told that without the mother's signature, a circumcision would never happen.

are you planning to get to the hospital at the beginning of your labor, or will you wait until you are very far along? the difference is, if you are merely contracting on a regular basis, you are probably OK to review and sign forms, but if you are, say, 7 cm dialiated(sp) already, AND ALONE, things can get dicey.

can you get a good friend to come with you and be your advocate? maybe your ex-husband even? ask him to look over all of the forms before you sign. but writing no circumcision on every form should also suffice. in most cases, it would be "overkill," but, sadly, it still seems kinda necessary since "accidents happen."

also, go on the hospital tour NOW and find out for sure if they room in or if you have that option. let's hope that you do!!

in any case, you should gather all the facts now, well ahead of time, so that you can make an iron clad plan.

as for me, i had an uncomplicated natural delivery. my husband was there, and he acquested (sp) to leaving our son intact, although he probably would have wanted a circumcision. i did NOT in any way count on him to be my advocate or "guard" our son. i took on that responsibility myself, since, i figured, the buck stopped with me, and i'm the one who would be feeling awful forever more if something tragic did accidently happen.

oh -- also tell your OB or midwife NOW that you do not want him circumcised, and ask them to mark your file as "do not circumcise." it is usually the OBs who actually perform the circumcisions in hospitals.

however, be prepared that a cut-happy OB may be at your bedside at 7 am after a 1 am delivery, asking if he can circumcise your son. (that's what happened to me.) keep it running through your head, "no circumcision," so even if you are "out of it," you will state it. [doctors make their "rounds" at 7 am typically -- figure on the morning after your delivery, someone who can/wants to circumcise (ie., a circumciser) darkening your door at the crack of dawn. be PREPARED for this and not caught off guard.)

oh, and stay off the narcotics they offer once your delivery is done. i did take the motrin -- but i said NO to the ambien to make me sleep and the whatever-it-was narcotic for pain.

like others said, be prepared for a couple days of hardship following your delivery. if your hospital is like mine, you will have a cleaning person coming in to change the trash, change your towels, change your sheets at all hours of the night. you will have nurses take your vitals, take your baby's temperature, once every shift, etc. etc. it's basically a non-stop parade of intrusion coming through your door.

keep that baby close to you, nurse on demand, sleep topless so he latches right on and keep him latched as much as possible. this also serves to protect his whole-ness. when he's right there, snuggled under your armpit with your arm stretched across the top of his head, he's SAFE.

be prepared that they will want to do a 3 am weight check, or do the hearing test at midnight, or a heel prick at 6 am. seriously. they live in their own little world on a baby delivery ward. grab your naps when you can -- but don't expect to sleep a solid 8 hours or anything.

get your rest before you deliver so you can save your energy for after the baby is born. make sure you have plenty to eat so you can stay on guard.

oh, and don't forget, tell all of the nurses who enter your room that you don't want him circumcised, and ask each of them, what do you need to do to make sure it doesn't happen. they will all talk about you back at the nursing station, and think you're a nut for repeating it so much... but none of them will be able to say "i didn't know" and so what if they don't like you -- you're there for two days at the most, and then your son has the rest of his life to enjoy his foreskin!

oh, and if everything goes well, and you are recovering well and the baby is totally fine, ask if you can go home early. in my case, we had to stay 2.5 days because the baby had jaundice, and i elected to give him the bili lights rather than formula. but if it hadn't been for that, i would have totally been out of there after one day, the soonest as possible.

believe you me, you will get way more rest at home than you ever will in a hospital. (reference aforementioned cleaning crews, nurses, doctors, etc. etc.)

[2lilsweetfoxes]

Here's what I did when DS was born while DH was deployed (so no one was staying with me at the hospital, though that would have been small comfort--I'm pretty sure that DH would have signed the consent form and sent DS off for his circumcision while I was in the shower or something.):

1. Got some newborn-sized T-shirts (the ones that side-snap) and wrote "No Circumcision" and "Do not circumcise" on them. I made sure he was alway wearing one. We had a total of four.

2. Took a sharpie with me and wrote "No Circumcision" on all his diapers. Just went through the stack and wrote on all of them.

3. Printed out a bunch of stickers from Avery Labels with "No Circumcision" and "I do not consent to circumcision" and plastered them over everything: medical chart, the bassinet, his name card.

4. Asked the hospital about their policy. Two years earlier, they had all the parents of little boys go take a "class" about circumcision and wound care. While the parents were in the class, the boys were circumcised. So if you changed your mind during class or had not made up your mind--or worse, you thought because you had a boy you had to be there, though you did not intend to circ, too bad, it had already been done. Seriously, they made it sound mandatory: even parents of girls thought they had to go to the class. When I asked if parents that intended to not circumcise had to go, the nurse said no (and I gave the info to my roommate--we both had girls). Now, if you want it done, you must make the appointment with the nurses station and then you take the baby to the "procedure room". So, at least that put my mind at ease a bit--though it seemed they kept him too long for his hearing test, that when they returned him to me, I decided to "change his diaper"--thankfully he was still intact--he just did not cooperate with his hearing test.

5. Get discharged as soon as you can. Seriously. The longer you stay, the more chances there are of something happening, someone wearing you down.

6. If you are pre-admitting, read every consent form carefully. Of course, the hospitals love to keep you waiting so by the time they get to you, you are in a hurry and they can slip almost anything into the packet, knowing you probably won't read it. Read all to ensure you aren't consenting to circumcision. Don't let them rush you. That was what I was terrified of. I had to go get DD from daycare 30 minutes away in 45 minutes by the time they got to me, so I was signing papers willy-nilly. How easy would it have been to consent at that time. Best yet, do it at a time you have time to sit and read without being rushed. If you can, take the packet home and read through it carefully before signing. If you have to sign in their presence, just sticky-tab where you need to sign when you go back. If you can't take it home, don't rush through it.

ETA 7: If you have a choice, either no roommate or room in with someone who had a girl. That way they cannot "accidentally take the wrong baby" and do the circumcision before the "mistake" is uncovered.

[brant31]

Originally Posted by 2lilsweetfoxes

If you have a choice, either no roommate or room in with someone who had a girl. That way they cannot "accidentally take the wrong baby" and do the circumcision before the "mistake" is uncovered.

This happened to one of my best friends, but in reverse. His parents specifically requested that he be circumcised and apparently the other couple that had just given birth to a boy had indicated "no". The hospital took both boys for circumcision while the moms slept. Apparently when they were prepping each, a semi-observant nurse noticed that one was not to be cut, but she got them mixed up since they were already nude.

Both boys had already had their synechia lysed in prep for their circumcisions, causing some bleeding. So, they circumcised one and bandaged the other. Then took them back their moms - the right moms.

I don't know the reaction of the parents who got the circumcised boy, but my friends' parents didn't know for 3 or 4 days until they took the bandage off. My friend's aunt, his mom's sister, said, "Maureen, that baby's not circumcised." At that point they figured, oh well, let's go with it from here and not bother returning for a circumcision. But they called the hospital and they owned up to what occurred.

My buddy is very, very, very glad to be intact. His younger brother is cut.

[JBaxter]

I have had 4 hospital births and no one was circ'd with out my consent. I was induced 3 times ( for 3 different reasons ) Esp with my 4th son I went in saying no circ no hep b no vit K. The hospital I deliver at has rooming in so unless the baby would have had complications there was no reason to have him out of the room

Next OB visit ask your OB how they do baby checks and hearing tests or call the nurse manager of the OB dept. Hearing tests CAN be done in the room. My youger 2 never left my room once.

My OB does circ's but will try to talk you out of them. When I had ds4 OB came in and I asked to go home after 24hrs he said sure unless you want him circ'd I said no thanks he said OH GOOD no reason to cut up a little boy anyway.

I was asked a couple times but mainly they wont do a circ with out giving the Vit K shot at my hospital.

All 4 times I went home the morning after 24hrs all but one of mine were born early in the morning.

IF you are really worried tape a paper in his bed that says no circ and have someone with you the whole time. Ped checks and hearing tests CAN be done in your room just insist. Your baby your rules

[kblackstone444]

Originally Posted by fruitful womb

This circumcision refusal form is useful. The bottom of that page provides printable options:
You can download this form in Word (*.doc) format or in .pdf format (which requires Adobe Acrobat Reader ) with the template for a sheet of these stickers:

I really like this idea. It sounds "scary" to whoever might be reading it.

Originally Posted by ElliesMomma

are you planning to get to the hospital at the beginning of your labor, or will you wait until you are very far along? the difference is, if you are merely contracting on a regular basis, you are probably OK to review and sign forms, but if you are, say, 7 cm dialiated(sp) already, AND ALONE, things can get dicey.

I plan on going as soon as I'm sure I'm in labor. The hospital is 35 minutes away, and it will be January, so I'm expecting the driving to be not the greatest. Either my ExHusband or my Father-in-Law will be driving me, and I haven't asked yet, but I'm hoping one or the other will be able to stay on and off to keep me company. My ExHusband will be my "emergency contact", so I'm hoping that it will be more convenient for him to just stick around in case he needs to take over signing anything. Still working on that plan, though.

Originally Posted by ElliesMomma

also, go on the hospital tour NOW and find out for sure if they room in or if you have that option. let's hope that you do!!

They room in, and they give private rooms, unless there are no spare rooms available. I haven't done the tour yet, but I'm looking into it, and certainly will be doing it within the next month or so. I have a few questions...

Originally Posted by ElliesMomma

oh, and if everything goes well, and you are recovering well and the baby is totally fine, ask if you can go home early. in my case, we had to stay 2.5 days because the baby had jaundice, and i elected to give him the bili lights rather than formula. but if it hadn't been for that, i would have totally been out of there after one day, the soonest as possible.

That's my plan.

Originally Posted by brant31

This happened to one of my best friends, but in reverse. His parents specifically requested that he be circumcised and apparently the other couple that had just given birth to a boy had indicated "no". The hospital took both boys for circumcision while the moms slept. Apparently when they were prepping each, a semi-observant nurse noticed that one was not to be cut, but she got them mixed up since they were already nude.

Sounds like a complete lack of common sense there. Wouldn't it make sense to go check to make sure surgery was done on the right person?!

[SleeplessMommy]

My first son was a hospital birth in a big east coast "circ friendly" hospital. We had checked NO with the OBGYN paperwork, months before the delivery... but we did not make any kind of sign for the bassinet. When the obgyn came to check on me in the morning, he asked if we wanted circ. When the nurse came to check on the baby later, she asked if we wanted circ.... we kept saying NO. We were asked a total of 5 or 6 times in 2.5 days. At that hospital, there is no circ done without a signed consent form. (I doubt that there are any hospitals in the USA who will intentionally circ without a signed consent form at this time - David Llewellyn and a few other lawyer/heroes have fixed that)

The way my ex-OBGYN group worked, there were 5 or so doctors on rotation at the hospital. The obgyns do the circ there. I would strongly recommend talking with each doctor in the group at your prenatal visits, letting them know that you don't want to be offered circ. That way, you will rememeber you as the "crazy no-circ lady".

Because of my adverse hospital experience, the next time I was pregnant I explained my concern to the nurse at the 6-week "new pregnancy" appointment and they wrote something in the chart, and highlighted it. When I finally did have a successful pregnancy (now DS2) we did home birth

I think the "circ refusal form" is a great idea.

Try to arrange for a doula or a friend to act as labor support. (this is so important because you don't want to be alone during your birth, right? if you can't afford it call around to local midwives and doulas - they may know of a student who needs to observe a birth.) Make up a "NO CIRC" card for the bassinet. Your support person's #1 job is to attach the card and take a picture of the baby in the bassinet with the card on it.

best wishes :-)

[SleeplessMommy]

Interestingly, we were offered the hep B shot just once, but the circ 5 or 6 times.

[GardenStream]

I wrote up my birth plan with a no-circ statement and then told the nurses that DS wouldn't be circed. I had a c-section and told everyone that my DS wasn't to be taken away from me. It wasn't much of an issue because my hospital didn't have a nursery, everyone automatically had the baby in their room.

The only time it was even mentioned was when the pediatrician came in my room to check DS. He made some comment about how times were changing, the Amish lady in the next room had her son circed and the English lady didn't haver her son circed. I had already decided that pediatrician was a jackass, so I just ignored him.

I thought it was pretty funny that nobody seemed to care about my request for no Hep B or circ, but they were shocked that I didn't want them to give DS a bath. The nurses must have asked me 3 or 4 times if they could give him a bath

[ancoda]

Originally Posted by fruitful womb

The steps a parent can take isn't really that daunting, even though I wish it wasn't necessary.

This circumcision refusal form is useful. The bottom of that page provides printable options:
You can download this form in Word (*.doc) format or in .pdf format (which requires Adobe Acrobat Reader ) with the template for a sheet of these stickers:

The stickers are great for diapers.

Another idea is to request an identification band that says DO NOT CIRCUMCISE AND DO NOT RETRACT FORESKIN to place around one of the ankles or wrist.

Not sure how you'd make one of those though.

You could also put this sign on your door!

This is exactly where I was going to send you.

I really hope that you do not even need these, but it really is better to be safe. We also bought some cheap second hand white onesies and used a sharpie to write "I am to stay intact, thank you" for my second son who was in NICU. My first son never left my room so they had no chance to do anything to him, and my third son we kept the onesies from my second in case, but I birthed in a birth center and we were able to go home from there.

[Fellow Traveler]

Originally Posted by ancoda

This is exactly where I was going to send you.

I really hope that you do not even need these, but it really is better to be safe. We also bought some cheap second hand white onesies and used a sharpie to write "I am to stay intact, thank you" for my second son who was in NICU. My first son never left my room so they had no chance to do anything to him, and my third son we kept the onesies from my second in case, but I birthed in a birth center and we were able to go home from there.

I love that sign for the door.

[eepster]

When you put the "no circ" stickers on the diapers, place them over the velcro tabs that close the diaper so that anyone removing the diaper literally has to tear them open.