SAHMs- Break it down for me!

[expat-mama]

Break down your day for me, SAHMs!
I am all over the place lately and can't seem to get control of my days. I've been trying to get DS down for naps a lot more as well as trying to get out for a long walk with him every afternoon/evening for fresh air, exercise, sanity. It's just not fitting together.

So what's your day like, hour to hour? When, how long, how and where does your LO go for naps? When do you get out? Is your LO napping while you are out? What are your LOs awake times like and how long/when are they? What do you get accomplished during the day around the house? What do you depend on your DP for?

It's a sea of confusion around here. I feel like I need a map to get me out!

[Terrilein]

sea of confusion here, too. Getting out of the house is a major ordeal for me here. DS has no nap routine yet and nursing is still chaotic. I'm starting to feel better and get quite restless and want to be out and about, but then I go and overdo it. Today I've got a nasty headache although I've got tons I need to get done.

ETA: mornings just happen around here. I somehow manage to get dd ready and out the door for school. Somehow I manage to get lunch made when she gets home. And usually homework gets done in a timely manner (not so today ). DD now has soccer 3x a week and circus on Tuesdays. that means she's not in daycare anymore to free up more time for me. Now I have to be sure to be done with shopping/walks/whatever before she comes home. Anyhow, I get her in bed around 8 pm and then I crash on the couch with DP.

[Just1More]

I've found the thing that works best for me is to make a routine/schedule in reverse.

So, start by writing down all the things that need done each day, week, month, etc. (like chores, regular appointments, shopping, errands, etc)

Then, write down all the things that happen without fail each day (like mealtimes, dh leaves for work, etc).

Then, write down what your baby/children do for a few days. You'll start to see a pattern emerge. When they are still really little those patterns can change and you'll need to be flexible. (Like, a 3 month old doesn't follow the same routine as a 6 month old). Also, the pattern may not be consistent everyday, but may follow a pattern over the course of several days. For example, when ds was around 6 months, he needed an evening nap every other day.

After you have all the information, meld it together.

Then you can slowly shift things to be easier for you. Does you baby always need a nap at the exact time you need to start supper? Slowly move his nap time earlier or later. Or, make supper at a different time of day so all you have to do is reheat it. Etc.

It sounds like a lot of work, but I've found it far easier as I've added children to do it this way, than to create a schedule/routine and try to force everyone into it. This way respects that everyone in the family has needs. Even you...who has a need to know what needs to happen next.

HTH.

[mamakaikai]

I just expect my baby to go with the rhythm of the day. That is what works for our family. If the baby seems overstimulated and tired, then of course I do my best to stop what I am doing and calm the baby/let them sleep. But with babies, the trick is to keep the diaper bag packed and just Go! when you get a chance. I also keep a basic stash in the car in case I just feel the need to be out and don't have time/the presence of mind to pack properly.

That philosophy will change over time though or if you have a baby that really needs to nap at specific times to keep the peace. My babies seem easy going. (or I just don't care to use schedules and that works fine). But by a year or so, my dd1 napped at 10am-11am and again from 1pm-2pm. So for those, I would try to nap her at least one of those naps at home, the other could be in the car/sling/stroller if I needed to be out.

The one routine we try to keep is evening/nighttime. We used to eat at 7pm...but our toddler has a nuclear meltdown if we don't eat at 5pm. ANd at 7pm now we she is in the bathtub! So we had to change that part of our rhythm of things! Magically, both of our babies go to sleep at 8pm and sleep until the morning...mostly. So we keep our nights straight by keeping that routine.

My best piece of advice for a SAHM, is to plan your week...in particular, plan it around outings/activities that you can look forward to. Even if it's just an appointment to the chiro. Otherwise you are just looking at a never ending list of chores...and repeat. If you wake up day after day with nothing planned (ie nothing to look forward to) you will get bummed out and feel like you are lost in a sea of confusion! IME

As far as what I depend on dp for...well we're both on parental leave so it's probably more than the average sahm...but in general, we both view the role of the sahp to be caring for the kid primarily. In our home, it's not the sahp's role to keep the house clean...at least not while we have 2 kids under 3. Both parents are equally responsible for housekeeping because I as a mother give a days work (in hours) to breastfeeding alone! That said, the sahp usually gets a bit more housestuff done based on the fact that they are home more often and can sneak in some chores between naps etc.

all that said, here is what our day might look like:

7 am toddler gets up plays and read books while parents have coffee get things started for the day
8 am breakfast
9 am some toddler activity library, playgroup etc. or groceries/errands
12 lunch
1pm toddler nap or park
4 pm get supper started
5pm eat supper
5:30-6pm clean up while toddler plays
6-7 family walk/park
7pm bath time
730pm stories+ bedtime
8pm (ish) both kids asleep
930-1130 baby awake
12am-7am asleep (baby tneds to nurse at 1am, 5am but doesnt usually wake up)

Our window of time for things to do is usually from 9am-12pm and from 1pm-4pm. Sometimes we're out of the house the whole day but that is exhausting! Unless it's a leisurely day at the beach. But those days are numbered.

The baby sleeps and eats whenever she feels like it.

[expat-mama]

Thanks for the replies.

I think right now it's difficult because dh just went back to work and we were spending the days together doing stuff since he was on vacation. And the baby did kind of fit around what we were doing (sort of- until i realized he wasn't sleeping/napping nearly enough). Now that it's just me at home things have really slowed down and I'm at a loss as to what to do with myself and baby all day. I just seem to be nursing, and trying to get him down for naps and between that just getting little things done around the house and trying to get some rest myself. I guess I need to schedule more stuff to do... but I don't really HAVE anything else to do. By the time I realize I haven't really done anything all day, the day is gone. Hmmm...

I'm still interested in hearing about other mamas days. Anyone with just the one new babe have any input?

[YHannahh]

We don't have much of a schedule here either during the day.

-She wakes up around 4:00 a.m. (but really this could be anywhere between 2:00 and 6:00 a.m.) for a middle of the night feeding and goes back to sleep easily.
-She wakes up again a few hours later, but is not usually starving. She'll take a few sips and is done. She sometimes goes back to sleep for a little while after this.
-She is usually pretty fresh in the morning. She coos, smiles, does the mini-pushup, scoots on her tummy slowly, and occasionally rolls from tummy to back. Not much fussing at all unless she's hungry, but then the fussing is easily cured by some nursing.

-After her "play" time, the schedule breaks down. She either nurses constantly and fusses OR sleeps. Sometimes her naps are 10 minutes, sometimes they are 2-3 hours. Sometimes we walk outside in the Moby, sometimes we can't get out of the apartment. Most of the time the Moby is a miracle, sometimes it is not.
-Usually I can't eat lunch in peace, but this is getting better.
-She generally has an afternoon nap. Again, this could be very short or quite long. Sometimes throughout the day we'll take 2 walks in the Moby to get her to stop fussing. Some days she just gets so bored and needs something new to look at.

-The evening is prime fussy time for her. I can't make dinner until the husband gets home unless she is still asleep from her afternoon nap. My husband and I trade off holding her in the evening. She nurses in short, but frequent intervals. We often take another Moby walk at night.
-No matter how bad the evening was, we'll do a final nursing in bed with the lights off, in her woombie, and she'll get to sleep by 11:00 p.m.

It's hard to get anything done during the day due to her inconsistency. I know I need to take advantage of her naps to get cleaning and other chores done...but sometimes I need a break too.

[mommariffic]

June mom but Wyatt was born on the 30th, so practically a July birth

He's all over the place! I also have a 3 year old and our day goes like this:

Wake up/change diapers/change outfits if needed.

Wyatt lays on his play mat while I cook breakfast, make coffee, etc. He's really quite a buttercup in the morning and is happy to stretch and coo for 20 minutes so I can get a decent breakfast on the table. This is NEW [he's almost 3 months] normally I'd have to wear him.

Breakfast we eat, he eats while I eat.

At some point he will take a morning nap, but until than we all snuggle on couch and have story time, or play. During nap I do chores or do some art with DD.

If we go out, Wyatt comes. He can nap in car, or nap in carrier. If I'm tired we all have a rest in the afternoon. It all varies depending on what I have planned - he just tags along!

Evenings are hardest at the moment because I have to balance a grumpy little man, and dinner and baths etc. My husband and I are tag-teaming bed time because I can't do both.

DD goes down at around 8pm and Wyatt will sleep for a bit but he often wakes up to eat and "goes down goes down" at 9:30ish. And I've been staying up late to have some alone time which is not a good idea, I'm POOPED!