1st day of school tears...mine or hers?

[ElsieLC]

If I am crying as I say goodbye to my crying child at her new school, how do I tell if I am crying because I am projecting my feelings of <whatever> onto her and therefore making her cry, or if I am crying because I am worried about the situation?

(I know my answer to this, but I need some more vocabulary to help me articulate the ideas to other people.)

"It's harder on the mom than on the kid," said the umpteenth person at school today and I lost it. Maybe it *is* harder on the kid. That's what I'm trying to sort out.

[AllisonR]

I can't say for you, but for me it was because there was so much emotion, of every kind, that it just overflowed. I "held it together" when dropping off my DS, but I cried when I turned the corner and all the way home.

I cried because it is a huge new chapter in his life and it is so in-your-face you can't deny it. Like a wedding or a funeral - it is so obviously there. I cried because my DS was excited and anxious and joyful. I cried because I was excited and anxious and joyful - for me and for him. I cried because it signifies he is no longer a baby or a toddler or a really small child, and I am proud of that. I cried because at the same time I was sad about the time being over and gone. And I cried in grief because I will miss him as a baby, and I should be allowed to. And I cried for my past, when I started school. And I cried for all the memories he will have, and the things he will forget, and the new friends he will make. And I cried because I saw how BIG all those other kids were, and just how small my DS is. And I cried for the vague confusion of emotions I didn't know I had, or couldn't pinpoint. I cried with awe.

[The4OfUs]

Originally Posted by AllisonR

I cried because it is a huge new chapter in his life and it is so in-your-face you can't deny it. Like a wedding or a funeral - it is so obviously there. I cried because my DS was excited and anxious and joyful. I cried because I was excited and anxious and joyful - for me and for him. I cried because it signifies he is no longer a baby or a toddler or a really small child, and I am proud of that. I cried because at the same time I was sad about the time being over and gone. And I cried in grief because I will miss him as a baby, and I should be allowed to. And I cried for my past, when I started school. And I cried for all the memories he will have, and the things he will forget, and the new friends he will make. And I cried because I saw how BIG all those other kids were, and just how small my DS is. And I cried for the vague confusion of emotions I didn't know I had, or couldn't pinpoint. I cried with awe.

And this just made ME cry.

To the OP, I think that I wouldn't worry about either of you crying on the first day. Nor would I worry about some tears here and there from yoru kiddo for a week or two while it all processes - if it goes beyond that, then I would likely be concerned and start to address what might be underlying.

Good luck!