Fostering a good attitude toward homework--any advice?

[augustjunebug]

Hi all,

I need some good tips on how to foster a good attitude about homework with my Second grader. She is 7. She always tries to push it out by saying things like "can we do it later, after, in a little while, tomorrow before school?"

I ALWAYS give her a snack and time to play after school, but then it's time to complete homework preferably before dinner.

I was thinking of some sort of reward chart for doing her homework without an attitude or procrastinating, but I think that she is a little too old for this.

I know my her attitude reflects my attitude, too, so obviously I want to keep my cool and avoid pressuring her to get her work done.

Any advice?

Thank you

[eepster]

Why can't she do it in the morning before school?

I'm not a morning person myself, so it isn't a time I would choose to do my work, but if she is fresher in the morning and has an easier time concentrating then why not. Many people do their best work early in the morning.

[Tigerchild]

Probably going to be the odd one out here on MDC but...

To be blunt, after trying a bunch of other approaches (that didn't work with an ornery 7 year old), I gave up trying to "foster a good attitude."

Homework sucks. Most of the time it's not that interesting. It's sure as hell a lot more stupid than playing, listening to music, ect. So, from my DD viewpoint, me trying to cajole her into feeling different about something that frankly is not all that great was just pissing her off more.

So now, I don't care what kind of attitude there is. It just needs to be done. She can draw it out and scream and shout (I remove myself from this situation after making sure it's not that she needs help or a snack, or ect.) or she can just sit for the 10 minutes it takes her to do it at most if she doesn't spend a lot of time pouting and whining about it. I don't do power struggles, don't engage, ect. She figured out pretty quickly that it's more efficient to just get it done so you can go do what you really want to more quickly; on the occasions when she's had a crappy day so she tries to pick a fight with me, I'm getting better about not being drawn into that.

I've even told her, "Yes, I see that you hate this. I didn't like homework either as a child--many kids don't. Guess what though, you still need to do it. Let me know when you're ready to check."

That worked better than any kind of rewards system, pep talk, ect. Though--it probably depends more on your kid. Mine is a crotchety realist by nature, just like her mom. I found when I stopped treating her like a little kid, and was honest, it worked a lot better. YMMV.

[augustjunebug]

Thank you for the replies

Mornings: She's not much of a morning person and she doesn't really wake up in time to eat, get dressed, brush her teeth, then do homework. I've thought about this myself, but it's not her time of the day.

Honesty: I like this approach and yeah, I think a reward system is kind of lame. It's more or less like this: do your homework or else you'll feel pretty ridiculous not handing it in like everyone else, so regardless if it's "dumb" just get it done.

[Tigerchild]

Originally Posted by augustjunebug

Honesty: I like this approach and yeah, I think a reward system is kind of lame. It's more or less like this: do your homework or else you'll feel pretty ridiculous not handing it in like everyone else, so regardless if it's "dumb" just get it done.

I didn't even use the looking bad in front of your peers--because my DD doesn't give a crap about what other people think. (Both good, especially for a girl, AND annoying at times.) DD would feel perfectly fine not handing it in (and in fact sometimes "forgets" to--I don't rescue her from that either, and since the teacher uses a rewards system where you can buy "no homework" passes she has had a lot of motivation than she has in the past. In general, I just allow the teacher and DD to work that out) unless not handing it had some consequence that she cared about.

I just told her that just like we all have things that seem boring and senseless and annoying that we have to do, this was one of those things. She has her snack, her cute "office" divider that she made with all her stuff, when she's done she can do whatever she wants to do, or she can sit there for 3 hours.

I know that I'm supposed to make her feel good and supportive and cuddly and all that, but...you know, this worked for my kid. It's nice to not fight over it and not have rising blood pressure over it. The warm and cuddly woozles work great for my sons. But my DD appreciates a direct and non-fluff approach. I wish I had been smart enough to honor that earlier--could have saved me many a bad parenting moment dealing with her.

[augustjunebug]

good point, I think I worry about it more than she does. She could care less about it. I'm the one who stresses about it. And yeah, my daughter may like the warm touch, but it doesn't motivate her, or change her behavior at all, so I need to end the power struggle and let it be. Thanks for the good advice.

[JollyGG]

I don't feel that 7 is too old for a reward system.

My son is 7 and I unapologetically use bribery. If he gets it done in 30 minutes or less amount of time he gets a prize. If he doesn't he sits until it's finished (no screen time until it's done regardless). If it's still not done when I get home from work (over 2 1/2 hours after school is out) there are consequences. I don't personally know what the consequences are since I've never had to use them.

This year the prize gets forgotten most of the time and homework isn't such a battle. Last year there were some power struggles with the teacher and other issues and honestly a bit of an incentive was what he needed to get back on track (I also had words with the teacher about the power struggle she was engaging in and that helped significantly as well).

Realistically, no want wants to do homework. If a little incentive works I'll use it.

[meemee]

i am with tigerchild on this.

all of K we suffered with hw.

by first i was tired of it. i told dd i hate hw. i hate that my dd has hw. i dont expect her to do any hw. if she didnt do any i didnt care. however i am not her teacher so she has to deal with her teacher. i told her i was tired of fighting with her. she would have to decide what to do. i gave the teacher a heads up. dd chose not to do her hw.

first day back she was thrilled. during break she got to quickly finish her hw and do her favourite activity - read. second day same reaction. but by the end of the week it was getting old.

so dd finally sat and told me she would have to do her hw as she doesnt like doing it during her first recess. i would have to remind her if she isnt done by 6.

and that's how its been. once in a while she complains. and i empathise (always happens the first few days when she is back from holidays) and tell her this is life. when we signed her up to this school i also promised we would do hw. she enjoys her school now so she will have to deal with hw. and she accepts it.

she is in 3rd grade. and the teacher is GREAT. she gives the kids sometime to do hw at school, so when dd comes home she has finished about 75% of the homework and she excitedly tells me she only has 2 pages instead of the 8 or 10 pages. she also does hw with her friends at school so i think its become a fun group activity (still doing it independently but asking each other how far ahead they are).

i think as tigerchild said my attitude was what really helped dd. the fact that some unpleasant things in life just have to be done whether we like it or not. so instead of taking 3 hours complaining and tantruming over homework and stretching it out, she now finished in anything from 10 mins to half hour.

by the way i also dont make her do all her hw at the same time. she gets way overwhelmed. so she plays does 10 min work, plays and then comes back again and so on till she is done.

today all i do is correct her hw and answer questions if she has any. but for the last 2 years hw is no longer a big deal in our house.

[blessedwithboys]

How are your daughter's grades? Does she truly need the extra practice? After considering these questions with regard to my kids, I chose to opt them out of homework. Problem solved.

[augustjunebug]

thanks all,

Her grades are fine, but she struggles with Math, so doing homework for her would cause her overall grades to decline, plus her teacher has major expectations for the kids in regard to HW. She is a wonderful teacher, very VERY dedicated to teaching and the kids, so I really feel as though dd wants to play be the rules, it's just a struggle sometimes.

[ollyoxenfree]

For me, homework isn't just practice for students, but also a communication tool for parents and teachers.

If the amount and content of the homework isn't an issue, then I've tried to approach with an attitude that it's helpful for my kid and the teacher and for me too. My kid is using it for a learning tool, the teacher is getting feedback on how well s/he understands the material (and so am I for that matter), and I've got an excellent communication tool about what's happening in the classroom.

So I've always greeted homework with "Hey, let me see what you're doing now. Oh, tell me about this work. Show me how you do this. Hm, that one is a little tough, this is how I do those problems....."

I've always wondered how other parents have an accurate picture of what is happening at school on a day to day or week to week basis, if the kids don't bring home any work. My kids don't always provide a lot of details about what they are doing. It's nice to have something that demonstrates what they are accomplishing. YMMV.

[Tigerchild]

I am so loving DD 3rd grade teacher. Just found out that I do not have to check homework correctness at all (in fact she DOES NOT WANT us to do that at home--or at least, not to pester our kids about it. If the kids ask for us to do it, great, but if not, no nagging). So I do not even have to do that. It's even MORE just between DD and teacher (and I just get to be nosy and look). Not only that, on curriculum night, Mrs. Awesome had an article about not helicopter parenting in a school context (allowing the kids to make mistakes on homework, to allow the kid to face the consequences and find their own solution to not getting homework turned in, ect.) AND in a couple of weeks the kids get to sit on stability balls instead of chairs. She also gave us a sheet of "no homework passes" to be used as or family deems fit during the school year (and said we don't have to use the printed ones, but to not tell the kids that ;> )

I think I have a teacher crush.

[cyncyn]

I'm not sure how we will handle hw if dd has any this year. In K she had it every week, required. It was a huge battle at home and by the end of the year, she wasn't doing it at all because I refused to force her to do it. She didn't need the extra work and her teacher knew that, as she was sending home the grade 1 homework with dd. In first grade, weekly homework was optional and dd would sometimes do a page or two for fun. Again, this did not negatively affect her relationship with the teacher who knew she had already met benchmarks for the next grade. This year, she is in a 3-4-5 class so I imagine there will be some work done at home. It probably won't be the worksheets she has seen before as hw. So far she had to bring in some objects from home to discuss and that was the hw. I won't make her do any homework, but I do ask if she has any, as she is likely to forget. I really don't like hw or think it is necessary and it is kept at a minimum in this school, luckily for us. I agree with PP to leave it between your child and teacher.