Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda on the move  Part of the reason that I think that anyone homeschooling a sn child should have a solid dx that is at least semi-current is that plunking a formerly homeschooled sn kid into school is a HUGE deal. The school can't do squat without an official dx, and it takes a while to get one.
|
We did get a formal dx, but it took some extra time. The school was willing to offer services both before and after the dx but the ones they had available were of limited usefulness. I ended up getting some services privately outside of school instead. Ds was academically ahead and without significant behavior issues, and he could have mainly had altered homework expectations and support for staying organized and completing tasks. Also occupational therapy. They had almost zero help for social skills since it wasn't causing any observable problems in the classroom and is less the focus of schools' official mission IYKWIM.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda on the move I think that the real weakness of homeschooling a child on the spectrum is that there isn't any way to work on social development. No one out side the family is attempting to connect with the child on a consistent basis. Other homeschool moms are busy with their own kids. Teachers at classes that you sign the child up for see them for an hour as week and never connect. Kids they see at classes they see an hour a week for 6 weeks and then never again. Kids from homeschool group show up sometimes but then disappear for a month.
|
There are ways to work on social development. This doesn't mean everyone will be up for doing that or find good solutions. While no ASD parent shouldn't underestimate the social challenges of homeschooling, schools are not necessarily good places to learn social skills either and having special needs doesn't make them so. For a homeschooler, there may or may not be people outside of the family attempting to connect with the child on a regular basis. It's true that it's harder for other parents to get to know your child or to find others who are invested in your child's development. Connections don't develop naturally either inside or outside of school. When my ds originally went to school, I was just glad that he was with trained and experienced teachers rather than other hs parents. It helped a lot at the time. He was better functioning among other seven year olds than when he was three years older and trying to function with other ten year olds.
The school may be full of people, but that doesn't mean that social skills are being developed there. My ds pretended he was going to kiss other boys because it scared them to make them leave him alone, but that is actually a behavior that could endanger him. He was improvising various maladaptive behaviors that the school was not the least bit interested in because these were lunch and recess things and rarely got beyond verbal. These aren't social skills. He didn't catch on to what to do with disapproval from peers--since he was helpless to make them like him and didn't care much whether they did he went ahead and deliberately did things to make them dislike him. For the school the assumption is that most kids will catch on and figure it out during free play times especially, with only certain situations being "managed". In those formal activities I saw ds ignoring the group, missing all instructions, then later being coached toward token participation. There was nothing better about that than the group activities he is involved with now. He wasn't "connecting" with people just because he was seeing them every day. In his third year of ps he could only name one girl who was his friend, and even that was a little tenuous. He still ignores his companions most of the time in every setting unless they will listen to him talk on and on about his interests--new people, well-known people, young, old--and he talks at them all in the exact same way. His therapists have helped him a lot more than the school ever did. And being homeschooled had made it easier to focus on the therapy and just basically come to that as a relaxed and functional human instead of with a list of all the things going poorly with school. School teachers and aides just don't sit down and practice having a simple back-and-forth conversation the way he needs. His therapists do. We only got that by paying for it ourselves.
Sorry to write a book. We've been through a lot. I have been very observant of ds's social needs and what does and doesn't help. School was draining his energy, making him feel terrible about himself, and wasting our time in terms of his progress. I am certain ds was headed toward long-term clinical depression in school. What tiny social benefits there may have been hiding in there just weren't worth it.
Every story is different. We have adapted to things in different ways over time. Being ready to do that as time goes on is really good. I don't think it's fair to say ASD children are always poorly served at home. Nor is parenting always easier when your child is in school--some things are harder. Every situation is different.
OP I apologize for helping sidetrack the subject and hope that reading everyone's different experiences will help you sort out your own unique needs.
