Pushy Playmate?

[mrs.rich]

I need help with this one. We just met a neighbor with children that I like and at first, our 19 month old twin boys seemed to play well with her 22 month old. The last few days, however, her 22 month old has started pushing my boys. He's a lot bigger than they are and they are getting hurt. It's upsetting me, her and my boys and we don't know what to do about it other than remove ourselves from the situation. I also don't want my kids to learn pushing is appropriate. The other mom is open to suggestions (she has a 7 month old as well). She's not a GD parent but I think she might be open to it if she had some effective suggestions.

Do we just write them off or what? I don't know how to deal with this one.

[Lilygoose]

My DD will be 2 next month (so around the same age as this boy). She is able to understand immediate consequences, so that is what I would do with her in this situation. If she was pushing I would pick her up and sit her by or with me. I would tell her that "we don't push so and so. That hurts so and so. If you continue to push we will leave." I would have her sit for just a few minutes (too much time doesn't work well for this age). If she pushed again we would leave. I would explain to her that we were leaving because she was pushing. I don't yell much (occasionally if I really lose my temper) so I would just be matter of fact about the whole thing. I believe more in teaching than punishing. Also my DD gets really emotionally involved in disputes and then it becomes a power struggle, where she does something just to get a reaction. I would also consistently talk to her about respecting others' bodies and personal space and I would prep her with a review of how we treat others once we arrived at out play date. "we are here to play with so and so. We all want to have fun. We are going to be gentle, touch nice (whatever words the child would understand best). I would follow these steps every time. Your friend may have to leave a few times, but this works with my DD. It usually only takes twice for her to understand a consequence and at that point a warning or reminder or 2 will usually support her positive behavior.

[EzzysMom]

I would also suggest a time-out, where she goes off with her son and holds him and talks to him. Obviously he's not going to have a lot to say at that point, but she can make guesses as to why he pushed his friend and make suggestions as to what else he can do about it. A lot of impulses/feelings our kids have aren't wrong per say, but we've got to help them learn to express it in a socially acceptable manner.

Did he want their attention? their toy? was his mom distracted and he wanted her attention?

Figuring out the root of the behavior often helps it stop sooner than just going 'no don't do that!'. Give the kid something else to do to positively express his negative emotion.

[phathui5]

Pushing is pretty normal for litttle boys. How is his attitude when he's doing it? Is he angry and acting out? Playful and wanting to wrestle?