bouncing to sleep...anyone else? do they grow out of it?

[doulawoman]

Hi everyone,
so my dd will be 7 months this week and I need some feedback...since she was born she has been a light sleeper, and has been difficult to put down and has responded only to two things: 1.nursing to sleep with me staying with her, once ina while I can sneak away but she only sleeps about 10-20 mins then, and 2.) bouncing. We have worn out 3 yoga balls and have even carted them cross country several times in order to ensure she would sleep. My dh and I alternate between bouncing her, usually in the ergo at this stage, for hours a day. Our average right now is 4-6+ hours, mostly me. Lately she often needs to nurse as well while bouncing.

Anyway, I have a few questions 1.) has anyone else done this? did they grow out of it or how did you transition? were they also "high needs?" 2.)is there anything bad besides me going nuts about doign this?every single day I attempt to put her down, rock her, or nurse her at leats once, and sometimes I try over and over hopin g if she's tired enough it'll work. Right now and for the last 2 +months she will not nurse to sleep at all unless she's already been asleep in bed and/or she is so so so so exhausted and ahs been unbearable for hours and/or dh has boucned her to sleep and we transition her to bed with me as soon as she stirs and I lay there for over and hour nursing on and off. She is obsessed with moving and constantly flips over and tries to crawl/nursing standing etc. problem is she won't sleep this way. I also try nursing ina rocking chair so she can't go anywhere and she screams and screams. Also, lately she wil hardly go with dh even though I dont' always nurse her, even if I'm not home, even if I'm sitting there and she can see me, even if she can barely keep her eyes open. She screams for a lonnng time and gets so woked up she starts gettign reflux etcx. I can't listen to it, so eventually when she does that he stops and I take her or we let her roll aroudn till she's exhausted enough. IT's horrible. I am exhausted.Right now she is waking up through the night a lot for hours with her teeth coming through but I can't trade off with dh and I am so stressed it takes me hours to get back to sleep after dealing with her. She fights me in the ergo too, but if wqe let her stay up she eventually starts screaming as well. I used to be able to go out with her an walk or keep bouncing an she'd stay asleep but as she';s gotten older this won't work. We whisper aroudn the house when she sleeps, at night we havea fan on high constantly but our landlords live upstairs with 4 kids so there is lots of noise and she wakes constantly. In most other ways she is sensitive and spirited but delightful but sleeping is driving me nuts. Sometimes when we're out she flips out for over 1/2 hour not matter what I do fi ti's time to sleep and we still ahve a walk home. I am very responsive to her and just at a loss. Is it CIO if she consistently freakds and turns pruple and has a pain cry with dh? I don't want her to cry ehrself to sleep, plus it wakes me up no matter if I ahve earplugs or what. but she is heavy and I am sooo tired. help.

[rhiOrion]

Our situation doesn't sound as bad as yours, but yes, we bounce DD to sleep pretty much every night (I can think of two nights where we didn't). We used to be able to get her to transfer to the swing for naps easily, now she wakes up more often than not, so we just bounce bounce bounce. Or walk, that will work, too. Mostly we bounce.

I wrote a thank you note to my yoga ball on Facebook.

We've also taken a ball with us out of town just so we'd know she'd sleep.

We're lucky, though, because once DH gets her bounced to sleep at night she can almost always transfer to my in bed. But, I'm stuck in bed at that time. So she ends up not going to sleep until 9:00 or so, because I can't go to bed but so early. As soon as he hands her to me I have to nurse her.

Luckily she does sleep through the night (she nurses, but in her sleep).

So, since my DD is only 5 months old and still bounces to sleep, I have no advice. Just didn't want you to think you're alone.

[Muminmamman]

*

Edited by Muminmamman - 6/25/11 at 5:56pm

[Anna GS]

We bounced DS for what felt like forever! One day I decided I couldn't do it anymore because it really hurt my back. Since I was (am) still nursing him, that was fine because he usually nurses to sleep. DH continued to bounce him and once in a while he still does, but DS (who turned 2 in June) is just not as responsive to the bouncing as he once was. He sometimes wiggles out of DH's arms when he tries to bounce him. So it's happening less and less. He likes rocking now, so I rock and nurse him to sleep. Sometimes just nursing is enough.

He isn't high needs, but he is spirited and very determined and persistent when he wants things a certain way.

There may be ways to change your daughter's sleep habits yet. Have you read the No Cry Sleep Solution? It might be helpful somehow. The sleep thing is hard, good luck!

[Earthylady]

Yes! BTDT! I recommend the ball to all new parents. I first found the ball in desperation with my first child. I've since used it with all my other kids, but never as much as with my first. She IS high needs and is on the high end of the aspergers spectrum. Something about the bouncing ball is so soothing to babies. I too have carted that thing everywhere with me. Stuffed it in trunks to take to friends, deflated it and stuffed in my luggage and reinflated at my destination after a flight, you name it, I've done it too!

Just keep trying to transition. At some point, it will just happen, but you have to keep introducing it enough that it is no longer the odd, unusual thing, but that it starts becoming the norm in place of the thing you're trying to get rid of (in this case, bouncing).

[marinak1977]

We used to do it, but DS finally outgrew it although, I just nurse him to sleep most times. We stopped using the ball regularly at about 6 months, but DH will still use it occasionally when I'm not around. Luckily nursing to sleep works smoothly and I can sneak away later. Not so easy for DH when I'm not there.

[expat-mama]

DS is 2 months old and we've had to bounce him to sleep lately every night and for naps. I thought he'd grow out of it soon... this thread is NOT reassuring.

[tallulahma]

my ds is 9 months and i still have to nurse & bounce him in a mei tei to get him asleep.

i swear my heels are bruised

my older two, now 5 & 2.5 were the same way until they were about a year.... give or take.

its hard in the moment- but it really does get easier.

i was thinking this would be my last... then he started being all independent (crawling away from me, eating some solids, etc) nowq i think what will i DO when i dont have a baby to bounce to sleep on my chest

bittersweet.

i try to enjoy the sleepless frustrating moments, because looking back - i miss that time with each little.

[sillysmile]

OP, I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time. DD was also a terrible sleeper at that age, often up every 45 minutes throughout the night.. but it doesn't sound like it was nearly as bad as what you're going through. I don't have many suggestions other than to say that 7 months was a very difficult age (we were still swaddling and bouncing DD to sleep at that age), and that things did get better for us over time. We gradually transitioned DD to a rocking chair, and she's 20 months now and still needs to be rocked back to sleep several times a night. We're trying to get her used to falling asleep without motion (on the bed), but it's really difficult. For better or for worse we've definitely created a pretty strong sleep association for her.

[Lady Lilya]

Very suddenly at 11 months, DS stopped needing the movement to go to sleep, and started falling asleep laying on my lap while I sat on the couch and played on the laptop. (I have it set up on a snack table so I can sit on the couch and use it and have a free lap.) It felt like such a luxury to be able to SIT STILL and have him go to sleep.

[swampstew]

We still use an exercise ball most of the time...he just doesn't fall asleep well otherwise. My biggest "aha" moment was when we tried using a pacifier--he fell asleep faster and would stay asleep in the transition from ball to bed with a paci in his mouth. Before I tried that, I was dead-set against pacifiers. Now we use them for naps and putting him to sleep again. It's working very well! Just need to somehow transition to falling asleep without having to be moving...

[JudiAU]

DS still gets bounced to sleep for both naps and sometimes at night. She is 13m. Sling + Pacifier + ball = sleep She won't ever nurse to sleep. It works all right for me and is a lot easier for our nanny than nurse-to-sleep older brother.

Yeah, I know we will transition at some point but personally, since it works still, I'll try and keep it going as long as possible. It is pretty much rocking to sleep which is more common.

When it stops, hopefully she be old enough for a No Cry Sleep go to sleep in her crib type thing but having done it once, I think bouncing is easier.

We don't bounce her at other times and she'll usually fall back to sleep after nursing in the night.

If you haven't checked the ball's inflation lately, do so. It is much easier on the bottom to bounce on a full ball.

[Louisep]

Yep - btdt! Hello high needs DS who I bounced to sleep for 9 months (middle of the night included when nursing stopped having its magic effect). Suddenly at 9 months he started fighting the ergo and the bouncing. From that moment on we lay down next to each other and cuddled until he fell asleep. At first it took a long time but less than an hour. Middle of the night was still difficult for quite a while, but eventually all his teeth came through and he hit all the gross motor skills milestones early and became more restful at night.

He's now a good sleeper! I never thought it would happen. I believe our nightly schedule has helped a lot too. He knows the routine and anticipates what is to come.

Gosh, I remember the insanity of the bouncing, the strapping on of the ergo at 2 am and night dancing around the bedroom while weeping!

He's now such a wonderful toddler, I wouldn't change the path that brought us here.

[applecider]

I bounced my now 5yo DS to sleep for every night and nap for two years. It was not fun. He still has sensory issues, heck, I got him a trampoline for his birthday two years ago! Eventually, I just said enough is enough and at 2 he could understand that he needed to lay with mommy and I would rub his back. Now at 5 he still likes me to lay with him to fall asleep but will sometimes go to sleep by himself (I can't lay with him cause he's just too wiggly!).

Anyhoo, I totally understand and I guess what helped me was just accepting that this is how it was. Also, what we mostly did was put him on the front in a mei tai and kind of bounce while walking around the house.

[doulawoman]

thank you everyone!

This has been somewhat reassuring...somewhat.

so it's 2 am and guess what I'm doing???

nursing...we try every freaking day, but she has to move, often ends up in a downward dog pose while latched. she will cry/squirm/crawl around for hours even if exhausted...the rocking chair she freaks...we just keep trying but it turns into craziness and she can't sleep even more because she is so upset. She fights it quite often too, but nothing else works so we just take a break...I have been on the edge of losing it since her birth...even of I could put her down with me during the day with any regularity and sleep with her! then I wouldn't be so tired...I just don't want to be resenting her. between the birth and this and her often crazy intensity during the day I don't know if it'd be wise to ever have another. I'm not sure I'd survive. I'm not sure I can do this...yet I feel I have no choice, CIO wouldn't evem work, knowing her, I KNOW she can and will stay up all night and be worse for any amount of the crazy crying.

the comments I'm getting have changed now too...from my grandmother, massage therapist, physical therapist, friends (and they are all pretty AP or AP converts!) it's like theythink I'm...coddling? overly stressed about a non issue, something....dd is so sensitive in many ways we are going to try Gluten free and dairy free due to some new stuff, and we continue to work with the homeopath and physical therapist...I just wonder if I'll just be an unhealthy shell at the end of this. Now that she naps more regularly ad only at home I hard;y get out, something that was keeping ME sane...

[stacyann21]

Yes, they grow out of it.

I had to walk circles around our house everynight bouncing DS and saying "shhhhh". When he calmed down then we would lie in bed together and I'd nurse him to sleep. He woke many times during the night. I just made a point to be responsive to him and understand that he had a strong need for contact with me around sleep time. I missed a lot of sleep! Now, at almost 4, I tuck him into his own bed (at the foot of ours) say goodnight and don't hear from him again until the next morning. I have found over and over that allowing my child to develop at his own pace (whether it's concerning nursing, the family bed, toilet learning etc) will prove fruitful in the end!

[Louisep]

I had to look back to see how old your LO is and when I saw 7 months I just thought "oh you're fine". And by that I don't mean, things aren't bad, but that at 7 months it's so typical for things to be so very very bad. You indicated that she's also HN - that's a double whammy. At this age babes are going through so much and it's my belief from reading and devouring posts on here through our bad patch, that HN children process information constantly. They simple can't switch off. They don't know how to relax. The world is so full of stimuli to be explored and lived. This spills over into sleep. Our rough times started at 5 months and lasted til 14 months with the worst patch from 7 to 11 months. Around 9 months I found some relief when he finally accepted lying down instead of bouncing to sleep. I also started to get DH involved around this time and that gradually worked so that I could let DH put him to sleep and take over in the night when I'd had enough. Getting naps and sleep ins in the morning kept me going, through pneumonia and all because my immune system was so battered.

In hindsight, there is absolutely nothing I could have done differently to make it easier. This sounds like I was a martyr, an accusation often thrown at night parenting mamas, but what was the alternative? Unacceptable to me.

My only advice would be to seek breaks where you can, hold on to the knowledge it will get better, and keep trying to see if she's ready for another way of getting to sleep.

Have you read the Sears' book on high needs babies? I would refer back to it constantly just to make me feel normal. It was a great source of support for me. You won't believe how quickly time goes by.

[doulawoman]

thank you everyone...

yes, I have dr. sear's book..it is good to read...yes, she definitely is HN...I think even our homeopath finds her quirks and intensity fascinating...

There was a point in time several months ago when I felt like hurting myself a lot, but I reached out to friends and have been better...she is still waking a lot and sometimes accepting dh bouncing her...sometimes. she's been sick, cut two teeth and just had some crazy pooping stuff..like green poops then diarhea then constipation followed by crying and blood (we have been to doctor, now she needs prune juice and glycerine suppositories)...this month has been super intense, even for her....the nightwaking is easier when she is happier during the day. It is comforting to know so many have btdt most of my friends had "easy" homebirths (we had a homebirth transfer turned c section *shudder*), little trouble breastfeeding and not too much nightwaking...it's like maybe they think if I was truly AP she would be calmer because their babes are...

I keep grittin my teeth and getting through..there are good moments. I wish I could enjoy more of her baby time. it's slipping by and in some ways I'm glad....I just want her to be healthy and happy like 60% of the time...LOL probably unrealistic. I really feel like in addition to her inherent intensity there might be more going on.

[aphel]

Doulawoman - I've got a 2 month old and we're having some similar issues. I spent 7 hours in a rocking chair today. Admittedly better than a yoga ball, but I actually rock for so long I get kind of queasy sometimes . . . .

Have you thought about trying a wrap? I feel like our moby gives baby a sense of security and keeps her from thrashing about and further upsetting herself. She takes almost all of her naps in it. Perhaps nursing in a wrap or sling could prevent her from doing yoga during a meal?

Hope things start to improve soon, or at least you get a nap!

[perspicacious]

I have to confess, this thread makes me feel so much better! My son's almost 7 months and we still bounce/nurse him to sleep. I haven't tried anythign else--because, hey, it works...but I was a little anxious and its nice to hear that many other babies are the same way.