NOW I'm worried (WARNING: CHILD ABUSE MENTIONED)

[WindyCityMom]

Remember my recent post about the girls with seemingly no respect for boundaries?

Today I let the 7yo hang out on our porch whild my DD read to her. She was very respectful of not kissing and not carrying the baby. I had her sitting in the dreaded bumbo but she was content there. I was playing around with one of our car seats.

We started talking about family- aunts, uncles, etc. She asked me how many aunts and uncles N had, and I told her that she had one aunt (that she knows of right now).

The little girl told me that she has an uncle that lives with her. She told me that he bothers her and her sister alot. I replied "Oh really?" and she mentioned that he kisses them alot and that they don't like it. She also mentioned her uncle's name, but randomly after we were done discussing uncles and aunts. I think she may be reaching out to me.

Now I'm worried. My DH had mentioned the possibility of these kids being abused, and that being the reason that they don't know boundaries. I'm not sure what to make of this.

What would you do?

[One_Girl]

I think you should seek more information from her next time she brings it up without coaching. You could say something like "when does that happen?" "why does he do that?" and see if she shares information that clears him of suspicion or makes you feel that you need to report asap.

[Adaline'sMama]

I would call DCFS. Even if it is a false alarm, with child abuse its better to be safe than sorry. I know you mentioned before that you need to move out of your MILs house, so I would make the call anonymously and report what the little girl told you. Here is the number for Child and Family Services Child Abuse Hotline in Illinois:
800-25-ABUSE
217-785-4020

[Juvysen]

Originally Posted by One_Girl

I think you should seek more information from her next time she brings it up without coaching. You could say something like "when does that happen?" "why does he do that?" and see if she shares information that clears him of suspicion or makes you feel that you need to report asap.

[kathteach]

Honestly I think it's going way, way too far to assume SA from this.

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by kathteach

Honestly I think it's going way, way too far to assume SA from this.

I have to agree. She didn't specify what kind of kiss or where or anything. It could be that he has smelly breath and kisses them on the cheek and they hate it. *shrugs* I'd try to gather more info before rushing into anything, personally.

[WindyCityMom]

Originally Posted by AFWife

I have to agree. She didn't specify what kind of kiss or where or anything. It could be that he has smelly breath and kisses them on the cheek and they hate it. *shrugs* I'd try to gather more info before rushing into anything, personally.

Thanks, this is what I'm going to do. It just worries me.. 1) because my DH had suggested that something could be going on with the uncle, and 2) because of the boundary issues we have been encountering. Hopefully she gives me more insight into this- be it good or bad. As someone who was SA as a child myself (once, not over a period of time but there was a lot of grooming), it kind of hits home for me.

[Marsupialmom]

I think you don't have enough information. At that age, I hated going to my grandma's house because her kisses were wet. She never sexual abused me.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by kathteach

Honestly I think it's going way, way too far to assume SA from this.

esp. since its a cultural thing too.

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by Marsupialmom

I think you don't have enough information. At that age, I hated going to my grandma's house because her kisses were wet. She never sexual abused me.

that reminds me...I hated my DAD'S kisses because he had facial hair! No SA here.

[Sfcmama]

I didn't read your previous post but it sounds like your instincts are being triggered...
As a mama, I suggest you trust your gut.
As a social worker in foster care, I suggest you make an anonymous call as a pp suggested. They will make the determination if it's worth being investigated. What many people don't know is that records are kept of calls made, even if they aren't investigated at the time. You NEVER know if this guy is already on their radar for something else.
That's my 2 cents. Good luck!

[Earthy Mama]

Originally Posted by AFWife

that reminds me...I hated my DAD'S kisses because he had facial hair! No SA here.

I hated it when my grandfather kissed me-he always kissed my ear and it irritated my eardrum.

[Coco99]

Call Child protection services. If it is nothing, they will see that. If its something, the kids will be safe. better investigate a false alarm then lose a real one...

[JBaxter]

I would need to know more. Some social workers are power hungry and you could destroy their family. I also hated kisses from my grandfather because he thought it was fun to do beard rubs.

[Latte Mama]

Originally Posted by JBaxter

I would need to know more. Some social workers are power hungry and you could destroy their family. I also hated kisses from my grandfather because he thought it was fun to do beard rubs.

This! It freaks me out that someday my DS could "complain" to someone about his auntie giving him too many kisses and they want to call CPS???

I hope those girls ar not being abused but it is a HUGE leap to call CPS from the info in the OP.

[mamazee]

I agree that this isn't much to use for a CPS call, and I question whether they actually have boundary issues of if it's a cultural difference.

I would keep my eyes and ears open, and maybe ask some non-leading questions next time I saw her.

[dakotablue]

ok so as a foster parent...call. go with your gut if that's your gut. Did your alarm go off before or after dh said anything? I agree that complaining about kissing isn't enough to call, but was it the WAY she said it that made you worried? Sometimes as parents we can see what a child is saying through body language and that's hard to convey over a post. If it were me and I had that achy oh no feeling I'd call.

You can also take the time to look at this closer and see what else she says/ if you notice anything else.

Ok so don't flame me for this, sometimes molestation is almost accepted in some cultures, I don't know if this is the case, but I have seen this in my own (used to be) line of work with children with disabilities. But because of this I am wary when someone says its just cultural.

I will say My neighbor across the street has done somethings (like taking her kids in a car once without enough seatbelts) and I didn't call. I have never gotten the feeling that ill was ever meant towards these kids. She seemed uncomfortable, but had no other solution and since has bought another larger car (they used to take two cars but one broke down) In this circumstance I didn't think calling was needed. So I'm not sitting by the phone call at first sign of anything kinda gal.

[grumpybear]

Originally Posted by dakotablue

Ok so don't flame me for this, sometimes molestation is almost accepted in some cultures,

That is such a strong accusation. What cultures exactly are you talking about?
IIRC, OP's neighbor is Latino (Mexican?). They are very expressive people.
Excessive kissing to me does not sound like it warrants a call to CPS just because it makes someone from a different culture uncomfortable.

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by grumpybear

That is such a strong accusation. What cultures exactly are you talking about?
IIRC, OP's neighbor is Latino (Mexican?). They are very expressive people.
Excessive kissing to me does not sound like it warrants a call to CPS just because it makes someone from a different culture uncomfortable.

Just a note: My husband is half Mexican and there are parts of the family (that we don't associate with) where it is well known that the father molested the daughters...however, it's a "he's the patriarch" kind of thing so no one really talks about it...
So yes, it CAN happen.

[grumpybear]

There is a difference between it being culturally accepted and the family members choosing (wrongfully so!) to ignore and not talk about it.
There are a lot of American families (as reported by the media) where abuse was occurring but the wife and other family members did not report it because of they feared the abuser. Do I go as far as saying that abuse is culturally accepted in America?