"How soon can I shake her?"

[2lilsweetfoxes]

Whenever I am talking to someone, I always feel as if the person isn't really interested in what I have to say--that I'm either a bore (I do ask people about themselves, but I think it may come off as being nosy.), or that I'm missing cues from the other person. I'm always afraid that I'm saying something stupid. And the person is standing/sitting there thinking "how soon can I possibly shake L. without seeming 'rude'?" Or, as we are talking, someone comes up, interrupts, and before I know it, I'm standing/sitting there as they walk off together and get into a whole 'nother conversation that I am *NOT* a part of. It does not matter if it is a friendly conversation or something work-related or something like that.

[Starflower]

Do you tend to be very self-conscious about conversations in general? This is pretty common for introverts - our brains are wired differently than the extroverts. You might want to check into introversion as a personality trait and see if it resonates with you or visit the introvert tribe here on MDC.

I've never thought anyone wanted to shake me......but I definitely have left conversations feeling really stupid (I am not) and like I totally misspoke everything I wanted to say.

[2lilsweetfoxes]

Oh, I know I'm introverted with a capital I. Maybe it is just that I misread people. Maybe I don't have anything interesting to say. Being alone with a good book is my idea of a good time, or even wandering an unfamiliar large city by myself. Not my idea of a good time: any event where it is expected I socialize because invariably, I'm the one sitting in the corner, sipping my beverage of choice as everyone carries on their conversations as if they'd been best friends since nursery school. Work events, school events (myself when I was in school and now my kids'), family and friend parties, church and bible study (before and after), mother's meet-ups, you name it. Heck, I'm still bitter about the time about 9 years ago when DH was going to take me into Town while we were visiting his parents--they were going to watch DD1 so we could have a date night. I managed to get a couple bottles pumped (and considering I had a s****** pump, that was an achievement in itself. Well, his buddy called and invited him to go out with the gang. He went out with them instead, leaving me at his parents house, stewing. We had to go home a couple days later, and every night was filled with "obligations", so we never did get that "date night".

[minkajane]

I so feel you on this one! Even if the person seems totally into the conversation and is responding and all that, I'm still internally certain that I'm just getting on their nerves and they're just thinking about how annoying I am and how they wish I'd just shut up.

For me, it has to do with social anxiety. I always feel like I'm dressed wrong, saying the wrong things, whatever. It doesn't help that I have a lot of beliefs and practices that are REALLY weird to a lot of people, so sometimes I do get the "Wow, when is that weirdo going to get out of here?" look.

[Red Cape]

Yer so cute!

Have you seen this video? I think it might give you some confidence about being alone.

http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/watch?v=bGZrEM_14y0

[2lilsweetfoxes]

Originally Posted by Red Cape

Yer so cute!

Have you seen this video? I think it might give you some confidence about being alone.

http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/watch?v=bGZrEM_14y0

Lovely poem and interpretation. I'm quite comfortable being alone. In fact, I prefer it. One of my favorite things is to wander an unfamiliar city by myself (during the day, staying in "safe" neighborhoods, and always know the best way to get back to where we are staying) or finding bookstores and coffee shops. But, it still hurts when you are talking to someone and mid-conversation they drop you. I'm never lonely when I'm alone. I'm loneliest when there are people around in a situation that you can expect to be conversing, such as a party or other gathering, and everyone is gathered in groups of 2-5 ish, or more, and I'm off on the fringes--and as I try to "join" a group, they either pointedly move away or the group disperses--and re-converges when I move away. Or when I'm talking to someone and someone else comes up and I'm forgotten.

[Starflower]

Hi, again. I thought you might find this article interesting:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/artic...-the-introvert

It's called "Revenge of the Introvert." I don't know that it exactly discusses what you brought up in your opening post but I think you might find the info relative. I liked the part about the pressure to be happy and the part about what not to say to an introvert.

Also, I am amazed that your DH would be so insensitive about a date night - even if he is an extrovert, that's not an excuse for ditching you for his buddies. I can see why you'd remember this 9 years later. I got mad just reading it.

[Red Cape]

Originally Posted by 2lilsweetfoxes

as I try to "join" a group, they either pointedly move away or the group disperses--and re-converges when I move away. Or when I'm talking to someone and someone else comes up and I'm forgotten.

I feel just like you on this sometimes. It really hurts. I have decided (after 41 years of feeling social inadequate) that, either, this kind of thing happens to everyone at some point or another, or, those aren't the kind of people I want in my life anyway. I just met this woman at work the other day that has over a thousand friends on facebook, and still feels lonely, and was asking us if we would invite her out to do things once in a while. I think it may be more a state of mind than an issue with something being "wrong" with you. And I do think many of us have it now and then.

I also soothe myself with the chaos theory sometimes, that things happen for no reason, or for reasons that have nothing to do with anything we have control of. I remind myself to trust in Great Spirit's grander plan for me. I'm not super religious, but this does seem to give me hope.

In addition to this trust, I make an extra effort to set up a date with one of my friends, or potential friends, because lately, I really want to deepen some of my relationships. Life is more meaningful for me that way.

There are lots of people out there who love you, and will love you when you truly love yourself.

xo!