Confusing...

[TheBugsMama]

Hi All,
My Ex remarried last week. I no longer love him; nor really want to deal with him. Yet, I'm depressed; I guess I'm still processing the divorce. This wife #4 so I'm pretty sure it won't last. I just feel as if my heart is breaking again.

As a side note: I'm actively working on moving on. Why am I so affected?

[*MamaJen*]

What you're feeling is totally normal. Even if you're no longer in love with someone and don't actually want them back, it's normal to feel some grief when they move on. I think we grieve for the concept of what we thought could have been.
You're working on moving on; that's good. Be gentle with yourself and take a little time to be sad. Then just try to focus on doing the things you need to do to make your life positive.

[lilyka]

A couple thought come to my mind....I am in no way pining for my xh, lets be clear on that, but when I see him with the women he left me for I have two overwhelming thoughts..I wasn't even good enough for him and she is a jerk and she is awful and she still wins, how much must I suck. It is all one reminder after another of my rejection and failure.

[NolaRiordan]

I totally get that. I think it's normal. Just part of the grieving and the getting to closure. I saw my X and his GF (the one he cheated on me with) taking a walk hand in hand a couple months ago. And I was so surprised at how upset I was to see them like that. I thought I was passed that, but obviously there is still grief and sadness. And I don't think it's about HIM I think it's about losing what I thought I had and wanting it back-- not him, but a stable, loving relationship.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by NolaRiordan

I totally get that. I think it's normal. not him, but a stable, loving relationship.

yup that's the same for me too. that was when i was really wanting another relationship. before i figured out what i wanted to do with the rest of my life.

when i found and started on my goal - where a relationship will only be important if it is the right one - otherwise i dont really have time to play - that sadness fell away.

however i will say this much. i still 'love' my ex. our relationship is completely different. i dont want him back. doesnt mean the 'good' side i used to see doesnt exist. and i admire the good in him. today for me his 'badness' is more than his goodness, but that makes me more sad than angry. what he could be to what he is.