they say you forget about the pain

[amyjeans]

Pardon me for venting, but I need some encouragement here. I'm 29 weeks, and starting to think about labor and birth. This will be #5 and 4th UC.
I can honestly say, I remember vividly the feelings of labor, and the pushing. Its so fast and so intense and so overwhelming that last time, I swore I would NEVER EVER DO IT AGAIN...but here I am.
I'm not worried about any complications or anything- breech, cord wrapped, bleeding, etc. I just can't seem to embrace the birth the way I think I should, to make it normal, and simple. I am dreading the labor. I think if I didn't know what I do know now, I would be in the hospital hopped up on goofballs!
(Now I feel dejavu-ish, like last time I went through this exact feeling!)
I am confident my body can do this, its done it before, I just mentally don't want to.
Anyone know what I mean?
Can y'all talk me out of this funk? I know its early to go through this, but my acceptance of the birth needs to happen, it's so hard to do! I am such a pain in the butt.
thanks for listening.

[rainbow_mandala]

You're not a pain in the butt, amyjeans. I know very well what you're going through. The pain is really intense, extremely overwhelming even (at least for me), it felt like I was being ripped apart and I didn't even tear! I had a normal, easy labor and delivery. 8 hours total with roughly 3 of those hours active labor. My body pushed out my son in less than 5 minutes. He was head down, I gave birth in side-lying position, 8 pounds, healthy baby. I didn't bleed much, placenta was healthy as well. I had the perfect birth, really. But it was still traumatizing. I even gave birth unassisted, which is what I wanted. That aspect was perfect in my eyes, as well. Now I'm thinking, jeez, how can I go through that again?? If I didn't split me in half that time, well, I'm sure it will now! I know it's just my mind freaking out, but it's important to look at that and acknowledge it. Giving our fears a voice, no matter how silly they may seem, helps us move past them. I know simply writing about this right now is helping me...maybe you want to try telling us more in detail what you're scared of? Sharing as much detail as possible helps get to the root of the fear and helps with working through it, at least in my experience. My fear definitely has to do with feeling so completely overwhelmed as his head went through my vagina, I literally was extremely afraid of looking at the lower half of my body for fear that it wouldn't exist anymore...it would just be an obliterated mess. That feeling of extreme fullness, like I couldn't possibly get any fuller, was so very hard on me. I wanted to get as far away from that feeling as possible.

[amyjeans]

Thanks for your post!
when I am in the throws of labor- as with anything challenging that confronts me- I feel like I need to control it (fight) or run away(flight). I am typically a fighter. I asked my husband about this and he said when I was pushing Sigourney out last time, I actually growled "Get her out of me!" The whole labor was a total of 2 hours from first contraction to birth. I just didn't want to do it any more. I need to work through this, like you said.

[MsBlack]

Have you practiced any relaxation techniques, deep breathing, etc? Knowing how to deeply relax can really help diminish pain along with need to 'fight' labor. There's lots of stuff out there you might learn from, to help you prepare for a more peaceful labor.

[amyjeans]

Originally Posted by MsBlack

Have you practiced any relaxation techniques, deep breathing, etc? Knowing how to deeply relax can really help diminish pain along with need to 'fight' labor. There's lots of stuff out there you might learn from, to help you prepare for a more peaceful labor.

yes- I use "calm birth" cd for meditation but sometimes, its hard to get into that space!

[rajahkat]

amyjeans, I went through this exact thing with my last baby, #5 also. And this after 4 perfectly fine, quick UCs. I was having panic attacks thinking of having to "do" labor again. Instead of getting towards the end and really looking forward to labor starting, I got more and more nervous, and every little twinge brought the thought of "noooooooo, not now!" instead of "yay, this is it!"

Sooooo, I don't have any advice really. Nothing worked for me but having the baby. I will say that I noticed a lot of other mamas who were having #5+ going through the same sort of thing at the same time and that helped me. And I did settle down once labor DID start. It was all just anticipatory fear. Once I was in it, it was all fine.

I hope it helps to know that there are some of us out here who have had very similar feelings and it all worked out beautifully. I'm even thinking of possibly a #6. Hope you find something to help settle your mind.

Peace~
Kat

[Multimomma]

I'm with rajah, it seems the more you have, the less true that saying is. I'm expecting #9 and have just resigned myself to the facts. My friend had her ninth, and after eight homebirths, actually decided to have a hospital birth with epidural and all. She just decided it wasn't worth it anymore. lol

I can certainly understand the temptation.

[Galatea]

I feel your pain. (Ha ha ha.) I am pg with #4, due any day, and I remember during #3's birth, when she was crowning, I felt an echo of what it felt like when #1 and #2 were crowning. It was like giving birth in triplicate. A few weeks ago, I had a really good BH contraction, and it hurt, and it felt like a baby moving down, and I immediately tensed up and got shaky and upset, b/c I remembered that it will hurt, and I stopped wanting to have the baby. Now a few weeks later, I am so desperate to get this baby out that I get super-excited about contractions and want them to hurt b/c I want him out! So, my point is, for me, the end of pregnancy is so miserable that I actually welcome the pain of labor to make it end!

[Hedgehog Mtn]

Wow this is TOTALLY how I feel with #6. For me I know this means I'm done. I'm no longer enjoying pregnancy the way I used to or looking forward to labor at all. I know this means I ready for the next step and my life and the birthing days are ready to be over.

[amyjeans]

Well, after a lengthy discussion with my hubby, I realized a few things- first I have no choice, I need to do it naturally. I was leaning toward calling an OB, and getting doped up. The problem would be, I wouldn't walk into the hospital until active labor, which means A) It would be too late for an epidural because I wouldn't go in until I was sure this was it, and the only time I know that is when I cannot speak during contractions. When that happens, the baby will be born w/in 45 min to 1 hr afterwards, or B) Because I would be placing myself in an environment that was counterproductive to my way of birthing, not just UC, but unhindered, my fear would be the labor would stop dead in its tracks and then...well I would be at the mercy of the hospital policies and "Experts" because I don't work well when other people tell me how to do things, or worse, other people not letting me do things for myself.
Baby #1 was born at the hospital and I was coached all the way through, even up to the point of signing the c-section papers.
We also realized, that if I wanted to have a c-section, I wouldn't be able to handle 5 kids and recovery. Hubby can't stay home, and we can't afford a nanny.
And further, if I went into labor, who would watch the kids while he and I went to the hospital? it takes at least 1 hr for any family member to come to us.
Its funny to think of it this way, but UC is the best option for us!
I'm not afraid of problems, or my abillity, I've done it before, 3 x actually, I just don't wanna do it. Its like I can make dinner, I just don't feel like it!

Thanks for your comments, glad to see I am not the only one feeling this way. I know that by talking it out I can settle my mind to be more accepting of my body's job ahead and embrace it the way I should. I also know once I am in the throws, I'll have my game face on and can weather it.

lots of love~

[basje]

I would give hypnobabies a try this time. It's been really successful in helping shut down some of that pain communication to your brain during labor. And you don't really have anything to loose! All I can say is thank god for all those hormones! Otherwise I don't know how we women would get through the pain to the other side.

[lotusma]

i know exactly what you're talking about, amyjeans, because i feel exactly the same way. i've even gotten a hold of the hypnobabies set in hopes of psyching myself up, but i still have yet to listen religiously because i just can't be bothered. i'm currently 38 weeks and feeling stuck out in limbo land--tired of feeling huge and swollen, yet just really not looking forward to having to birth again.

that's all. i just totally feel your pain and can commiserate (that's actually been my only consolation to this point--that we all do it...)

[lovestolearn]

EFT is very helpful in releasing any kind of birth trauma. You shouldn't have to go into birth dreading it! What is "traumatic" is so individual... (((Hugs)))

[Sharlla]

Originally Posted by amyjeans

Pardon me for venting, but I need some encouragement here. I'm 29 weeks, and starting to think about labor and birth. This will be #5 and 4th UC.
I can honestly say, I remember vividly the feelings of labor, and the pushing. Its so fast and so intense and so overwhelming that last time, I swore I would NEVER EVER DO IT AGAIN...but here I am.
I'm not worried about any complications or anything- breech, cord wrapped, bleeding, etc. I just can't seem to embrace the birth the way I think I should, to make it normal, and simple. I am dreading the labor. I think if I didn't know what I do know now, I would be in the hospital hopped up on goofballs!
(Now I feel dejavu-ish, like last time I went through this exact feeling!)
I am confident my body can do this, its done it before, I just mentally don't want to.
Anyone know what I mean?
Can y'all talk me out of this funk? I know its early to go through this, but my acceptance of the birth needs to happen, it's so hard to do! I am such a pain in the butt.
thanks for listening.

well for me my uc was far less painful than my 2 hospital births. i remember the pain of the first 2 vividly but not so much my 3rd and recent birth. for me beng in the water and laboring the way i needed to went a long way jn regard to pain management. i think that is why i wanted to get pg with a 4th right away and why i waited so long to get pg with all the others
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[gabbyraja]

I have no advice, as I am SO RIGHT THERE WITH YOU! I have a feeling that birth would have begun twice this week but that my fear is holding me back.

I did forget after the first, and second. My third was extremely difficult for me, and #4 came less than 2 years later, so I didn't have a lot of time to forget. Now 5 is coming less than 2 years later again, and, well... #4 was nowhere near as bad as 3, but I still remember every bit of it. And every time these cx pick up to the point that I'm sure this is it I kind of freak out and not an hour later they peter out. They're just so overwhelming, and you have no control, and I'm always SO tired, that I think I'm afraid I can't handle it this time. Doesn't matter if I slept 10 hours (2 hours at a time, of course) I'm still so tired...

I waffle between being SO ready to be done being pregnant, and just not being ready. I know it has to end, and I know how it has to, but like someone said, I just don't wanna do it. I'm too tired to do it... And like hedgehog said, I'm taking this as my reinforcement that we did the right thing w/dh's vasectomy this summer.

I did start listening to my fear release track on my Hypnobabies stuff yesterday. I'm hoping it helps. Cx picked up again this morning and I was trying very hard to stay positive, talking to baby and telling him/her that I'm ready, it's ok, let's go ahead with this, relaxing, etc. But still they ended up going away. Sigh...