My dh's boss think that we should let our twins CIO

[VroomieMama]

Long story short: My dh has insomnia issue and sometimes he would show up work late or miss work due to lack of sleep. My dh's boss asked him what our routine is like with our children. My dh told her that we would put the twins to bed at 10pm at night and sometimes the twins wouldn't be ready to go to bed and we'd wait a little bit longer until they're ready to go to sleep. Usually within 30 minutes they'd finally go to sleep.

His boss told him that we should let them cry and my dh told her that "my wife feels strongly against the cry it out philosophy" and his boss said that if we don't cry it out then our children will end up manipulating us.

I told my DH that she had no right to tell us how to raise our children and that whatever works for our children works for us but may not work for others. I also told my DH that the most important thing we have done so far for our children is that we have routines and we have been consistent with them. They know what is coming everyday throughout the day, they're happy and so are we too.

[amma_mama]

Ignore the boss lady regarding CIO - none of her business to even comment on your routine, let alone parenting advice. But work on DH's own sleep issues so that he does not get late to or miss work, which is a legitimate concern of his boss.

[philomom]

The boss is not in your family or in your marriage. Ignore.

[Knitting Mama]

Obviously the boss has no place in telling you what to do with your kids, but, that said, she does have a place with being concerned about your husband's lack of reliability. He needs to do something to get his insomnia in order, and if it has to do with your twins' bedtime routine, it might be time to consider adjusting that, although not by CIO.

[VroomieMama]

Originally Posted by Cecilia's Mama

Obviously the boss has no place in telling you what to do with your kids, but, that said, she does have a place with being concerned about your husband's lack of reliability. He needs to do something to get his insomnia in order, and if it has to do with your twins' bedtime routine, it might be time to consider adjusting that, although not by CIO.

My dh's insomnia has nothing to do with our twins' sleeping routine b/c I'm the one staying up until they go to sleep. My dh helps out once in a while when I'm really stressed, tired or not feeling well.

My dh has been struggling with this for a long time even before we started together and his boss "forgot" that it has been going on for past 11 years and "blamed" it on our twins. My dh is a terrible procrasinator and I've been telling him to get his issue checked by doctor and etc. He'd always say that exercising would help with his sleeping problem and I'd tell him "start exercising and see the doctor!" His boss loves my dh so much and consider him one of the most valuable worker but I often told him that what if she retires or dies and then he'd have a new boss and the new boss would have no problem firing him if he doesn't take his sleeping problem issue seriously. AARGH, he's so stubborn but a really wonderful husband in so many ways.

[akind1]

Glad his boss finds him to be a valuable asset, if, since his boss brought it up, your DH is now considering CIO to help with his sleep, remind HIM that he had sleep issues prior to the babes being born (sometimes we forget that we ever had sleep problems before little ones!) and then maybe schedule an appointment for him, if he would be ok with that. (Like, honey, I know you are so busy and everything . . .)

good luck. my mom just told me that having babies CIO is one of the hardest thing you do as a parent. I just was like, um. we aren't doing that. (I am fairly sure she only CIO with my sister, since she and my dad room shared with me until I was 4) I think he did good at explaining to his boss, but maybe in the future, he could make it a "we" statement instead of "my wife . . ."

[Mama2mc]

Just ignore her, she doesn't have any say in your marriage or parenting style...

[Maluhia]

what a strange thing for a professional boss to think that he/she has the right to tell and employee. odd odd odd.

[carmel23]

Originally Posted by Maluhia

what a strange thing for a professional boss to think that he/she has the right to tell and employee. odd odd odd.

:

but then, bosses can be odd.

[azgirl]

Good luck with your husband's insomnia, that is soo hard!
Those of you criticizing the boss...well, I don't think she was out of line really. She has an employee who's lack of sleep is affecting his job and when she talked to him about it he mentioned his twins and described their sleep schedule. She could (should??) have said: "deal with it, or you are fired" but instead she tried to offer up solutions. If you don't want your boss to give you baby sleep advice, don't bring it up as an excuse for poor work performance. I don't think the boss is the issue here at all.

That said, are you happy with the sleeping arrangements/timing at your house? If not, there are probably things you could do. I didn't get the impression that there is a problem?? We started sleeping better at our house when we moved the night routine earlier...but eh, it doesn't sound like kiddo sleep is the issue here...

[tzs]

obviously the boss and your dh have more a a personal/friend type relationship in addition to the professional one if she is putting up with chronic unreliability which is probably why she feels she has license to give him advice with his personal life....just like our annoying friends do.
not that she's correct in her CIO advice but it doesn't sound creepy to have a boss that you have that type of personal relationship with intruding into your personal business. friends do that kind of stuff, annoying as it is. you can;t really complain about the friend-type dealings when that's what has kept dh in his job despite poor attendence.

[Knitting Mama]

Originally Posted by azgirl

Good luck with your husband's insomnia, that is soo hard!
Those of you criticizing the boss...well, I don't think she was out of line really. She has an employee who's lack of sleep is affecting his job and when she talked to him about it he mentioned his twins and described their sleep schedule. She could (should??) have said: "deal with it, or you are fired" but instead she tried to offer up solutions. If you don't want your boss to give you baby sleep advice, don't bring it up as an excuse for poor work performance. I don't think the boss is the issue here at all.

That said, are you happy with the sleeping arrangements/timing at your house? If not, there are probably things you could do. I didn't get the impression that there is a problem?? We started sleeping better at our house when we moved the night routine earlier...but eh, it doesn't sound like kiddo sleep is the issue here...

This is all very well said.

[Plummeting]

I agree with Cecilia's Mama and azgirl.

[VroomieMama]

I feel that the boss was out of line for telling my DH to let our twins to CIO but felt that she should have told him to do something about his sleeping problem.

[P.J.]

I haven't read the other responses yet, but my first thought upon reading the title of your thread was "Who cares what your husband's boss thinks?". I know it can be hard and really annoying, and also downright insulting, to get unsolicited baby-rearing advice~ especially from people who aren't even friends or family. And I see that, given your husband's work issues surrounding his own sleep, his boss was inclined to step in. But really, it's none of her business.

I've only been a mom for less than 4 months, but in that short time I've had to learn to let unsolicited advice like that roll off my back. I can't always do it because it does sting when there's this underlying assumption from the other person that you're somehow doing it wrong. But, sad as it may be, it does get easier to let these sort of comments go, the more of them you get.
Oh, and I also try to avoid complaining about or discussing my baby's sleep, which would open the door fr such comments.
I know this may well be impossible, seeing as you have twins and you probably need his support, but is there any way your husband could sleep in another room, at least for awhile on weeknights? My husband does on some weeknights just so he can get a full night's rest for work the next day. GL!

[julie80]

I wouldn't worry too much about it. You can't really expect your husbands boss to even understand. If it's seriously affecting his work then that's one thing but that is still between you and your husband and sometimes you just have to compromise with each other while keeping the best interest of your family in mind.

I let my sister talk me into trying the CIO method which she swears by but that lasted about 30 minutes because it was so much harder on me than my son.

[Quinalla]

This is completely not a issue of the boss (except for in general giving CIO advice, but it's still so mainstream acceptable it is understandable if still bad advice), but of your DH blaming his sleep problems on your babies sleeping habits, either by saying it outright or letting his boss keep her wrong assumption. I would remind your DH that he has had sleeping issues for years and the babies are not the cause. I would also remind him that you are concerned for his health and that you hope he will get in to the doctor soon about it and/or do more exercising, but you know of course that you can't make him do those things.

[wombatclay]

~~~~~~~~~~~~A Moderator Moment~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just a gentle reminder to focus on the OP's situation and not get sidetracked into a discussion about a third party (namely her DH or his boss). A few posts have been removed to help keep the thread within the guidelines and on topic.

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[VroomieMama]

Originally Posted by P.J.

I haven't read the other responses yet, but my first thought upon reading the title of your thread was "Who cares what your husband's boss thinks?". I know it can be hard and really annoying, and also downright insulting, to get unsolicited baby-rearing advice~ especially from people who aren't even friends or family. And I see that, given your husband's work issues surrounding his own sleep, his boss was inclined to step in. But really, it's none of her business.

I've only been a mom for less than 4 months, but in that short time I've had to learn to let unsolicited advice like that roll off my back. I can't always do it because it does sting when there's this underlying assumption from the other person that you're somehow doing it wrong. But, sad as it may be, it does get easier to let these sort of comments go, the more of them you get.
Oh, and I also try to avoid complaining about or discussing my baby's sleep, which would open the door fr such comments.
I know this may well be impossible, seeing as you have twins and you probably need his support, but is there any way your husband could sleep in another room, at least for awhile on weeknights? My husband does on some weeknights just so he can get a full night's rest for work the next day. GL!

I have responded to some comments before you posted your post... my comments would have answered your questions/thoughts.