So torn- DS hates K - Update #16

[applecider]

DS started K last week. All summer I was trying to decide if we would do public school or homeschool and I came to the conclusion that for my sanity, he needed to be in school. He has had two years of preschool already at a co-op which was ok, he was never super into it, but it wasn't a fight to go and frankly, if he didn't want to go I didn't make him. He is a bit immature emotionally/socially, but is reading books and can do some basic math. Before school started he seemed to be fine with it, but now every morning he says he hates kindergarten and doesn't want to go. Now I'm trying to decide if I should pull him and homeschool/wait a year (turned 5 in June)? I wanted to give it at least a month before I made that decision, but I practically had to drag him there this morning kicking and screaming. And then I left him in the room. I've been trying to be calm and understanding but I'll admit I kind of lost it this morning. He was totally defying me on everything. Wouldn't go to the bathroom, put his shoes on, etc. I just don't know what to do! When I pick him up from school, he seems to be in a good mood and tells me about things that happened during the day. But the mornings are not good. Maybe he's not getting enough sleep? He's a pretty sensitive little guy, just about the smallest kid in the class. He has sensory issues, I think. It is only a half day program, so 9am to 11:45pm.

I just so don't know what to do. I don't want to give up so quickly, but I really feel for the poor kid and it makes me sad to have to force him to do something he REALLY doesn't want to do.

[KCMichigan]

I would talk to the teacher and see how he is doing during the day. It 'may' just be transition from home to school that is stressful. (I have a sensory DD that does not do well on any transition...but is fine once the transition phase is over). We role play a lot and I have picture lists of what we do in the morning (get dressed, eat, etc) and that helps her a lot.

Mostly, she does not want to stop playing in the am and go---but once we are there she has a lot of fun and enjoys it.

Since it is 1/2 day- I would try to stick with it a bit longer and see if it improves. 1/2 day K is a nice transition into all day 1st grade. Often kids in K go through a 'No school' phase after a week or two in. The 'newness' has worn off and the routine may be tiring- they are still figuring out friends and rules, etc....it is stressful, but temporary.

Or maybe afternoon K would work better if he is not a morning person??

Also try more sleep--again, my sensory DD does not do well w/o sleep. She needs 11 hours solid (and she is 5 in a few weeks)- her twin needs 10 hours. Both are grumpy monsters w/o sleep and the first few weeks of school we had an early early bedtime to make up for it.

If you check with the teacher and he is struggling or he still does not want to go in a few weeks- you could consider homeschooling. BUT unless you plan on homeschooling for K-5 or longer, you *may* have the same issue next year (if you do K or try to do all day 1st grade).

: I hope it gets better soon!

[applecider]

That's the thing. I guess I'm not sure if I do homeschool this year, then that means I have to do it forever? I mean, what if next year he is more mature and would do better? I don't want to make that kind of decision now. But I do know that if I pull him out now, we will definitely not go back this year.

[madskye]

Why does he hate it? What does he hate about it? What does the teacher say? Can she work with you to get him in the classroom more easily and engaged and enthused to return the next day?

[applecider]

When I ask him why he hates it he says he's afraid, I say of what? He says that he's going to pee in his pants and that the teacher will get mad. I will admit that over the summer he had a VERY frequent habit of peeing his pants and I probably got very frustrated with it and told him that he couldn't do that at K. But I don't remember saying that the teacher would get mad at him. I did pack an extra pair of pants for him just in case and he knows this is in his backpack. He also says he hates the singing and dancing they do at the beginning and he doesn't participate.

I haven't talked to his teacher yet, guess I should do that. It's just that in the morning she is really busy and in the afternoon she's not there. They come in from recess with the recess lady and para-educator and they dismiss the kids. Guess I'll have to email or call.

[leighann79]

Talk to the teacher and get her input. But, the superintendent at our district told us that he prefers for "summer babies" to wait a year to go to K. He says that they tend to do better waiting a bit to mature. It really shows at 2nd grade and beyond. And it's better for them to wait to start kindy rather than get held back in 2nd.

[momtoS]

I agree with asking the teacher.

Also is there anything that helps him calm or transition?

[madskye]

Don't they make big pull-ups? What if he wore those to school for a while, until he beats the peepee problem? Increase his confidence a bit? Could you discuss that with the teacher as well? He wouldn't be the first kid to pee in his pants in kindy, but I certainly wouldn't want to either. Things like that can really weigh on childs mind but it sounds like something concrete you can solve.

[Emmeline II]

Since you think he has sensory issues I would get an evaluation with an OT.

[meemee]

i would give him a month before pulling him out. esp. as he was so happy at the end of the day.

at that age anxiety is high. plus just getting used to the schedule is high. on top of that he is worried about peeing in his pants.

to me it seems like he really wants to do K, but is afraid of certain things that he has built up in his head and is afraid of 'that'.

i would arrange a meeting with his teacher and go over all the fears with your son and teacher.

i had a meeting with dd's teacher. that actually helped dd get to know teacher a little bit more. and for the teacher to understand dd's needs. teacher came up with new tasks. dd got better at enjoying school but always hated the hw.

eta: also find out from the teacher if she does pee ques. our teacher did it on a regular basis.

[edwardsmom]

Originally Posted by cody'smomma

That's the thing. I guess I'm not sure if I do homeschool this year, then that means I have to do it forever? I mean, what if next year he is more mature and would do better? I don't want to make that kind of decision now. But I do know that if I pull him out now, we will definitely not go back this year.

Just wanted to answer this question. If you decide to homeschool,you don't have to do it forever. You can revisit this decision anytime you want. I wouldn't recommend frequent switching between the two, but if you feel circumstances have changed, then you can certainly try public school again next year.

[NicksWife2004]

My daughter turned 5 in July, and is ending her 3rd week in Kindergarten. She also had issues with wetting herself over the summer and spring. (Not sure why, but she stopped doing it). Anyway, the first and second week were terrible. After a few days she said she didn't want to go anymore. Now, she's always been a night owl. My husband works until 9pm and doesn't get home until 10pm so I've always let her stay up late, so she can have Dad tuck her in. So, getting up a lot earlier wasn't easy for her. I think we've finally adjusted to the earlier bed time and she's been waking up very cheerful and happy to go to school. I think it just takes time for kids to adjust.

[pregnant@40]

Is your son getting at least 10 hrs of sleep per night? That's their minimum need at age 5.

[almama]

Call or send an e-mail to the teacher. I would also arrange a day (or me, I would just show up) to observe my child to understand about the dynamic in the classroom. The observations I have done in my kids' classrooms have helped me so much in understanding what is a complaint from them (usually valid, but rarely on the level of my thinking of pulling them out of school), and what is something that needs to be addressed immediately in order to make their school day successful. The latter could be something as simple as not sitting next to the trash can at lunch, or it could be less easy to change than that (and then I would definitely consider homeschooling).

It sounds as if you have a lot more research to do before you pull him though. I would keep telling him he is doing a great job, emphasize all the wonderful things (spending a full day at school, bringing home papers - little things), to boost him and so that *if* you pull him, he will leave feeling like he could handle it if he wanted to. Then you could always say, "You would have been great in that class, but this situation works better for our family. You can handle being at school, or at home. You are so great!"

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by cody'smomma

I came to the conclusion that for my sanity, he needed to be in school.

I think this is really big.

I agree with the others that talking to the teacher to find out what is happening after you leave is the first step.

I also suspect that if you get really clear in your own head that he's going to school, that unless there is something else going on (such as undiagnosed special needs, a bully, etc) that he'll quit fighting you so much and just go.

As long as YOU are really torn about whether or not he should be there, he'll pick up on it.

And homeschooling isn't a life long commitment. There are a bunch of us here that used to homeschool but our kids now go to school. I think switching the plan constantly is hard on the kids, but what works for a child when they are very young and what works when they are older doesn't have to be the same thing.

However, what do you plan to do about your sanity if you pull him?

(I freely admit that I am more sane with my kids in school)

[applecider]

So today went pretty well! I was actually planning on having him not go cause we got home LATE from something last night and he didn't really get much sleep but he woke up at 7am and said, we have to get up for school. Awesome. Then, at school, I said I would stay until circle time (about 15 mins) and I was planning on staying through circle time, but when it started he turned around and said, "you have to go now?" and I said, "yes, I should get going." He said, "Bye mom." I was like, ok bye! And walked out.

I think it is just taking him some extra time to get used to school and he may never like it. Which saddens me a bit cause I loved school. But I have not ruled out the possibility of one day homeschooling him so that feels good. For now, this is what will work best for me and I think him too. He needs some structure that I can't always provide and break from me is a good thing for him too.

I did have a meeting with the teacher last week and it went well. She did not think he was any less ready that any of the other kids so that was good to know. I just want to do lots of volunteering and he wants me to come and spend the whole time there. I said we could call grandma and see if she wants to come and watch ds2 so I could do that.

Oh, also, I know he hasn't been getting the best sleep so I am working on that and our evening routine. We'll get there...

Thanks for the advice ladies, I feel much better now.