My LLL meeting seems like it's all about newborns and little babies.

[Beauchamp]

I mean, I know that pregnant mamas need support, as well as new mamas just starting to nurse, but there are a few of us with nursing toddlers there that seem to be overlooked every time. It's making me not want to go anymore. I brought up my current issue I am so torn about of whether to night wean and that discussion was quickly replaced with what cloth dipes are best for a new baby.

I wish there was LLL for toddlers. I don't mean any ill will toward the mamas of little babes, but I'd just like to talk about something other than "what to expect in the hospital" for once!!! Thanks for the space in which to vent.

Anyone else?

[4Marmalade]

Our LLL meetings cycle through four topics. I'm not sure of the exact titles but one obviously talks about newborns/infants. I can't remember what the middle two are (we had one this week and talked about family and support of breastfeeding) and I know the 4th topic is weaning and introducing solids, etc... They're held once a month so sometimes it's seems to take a while to get to the stage you're currently in or need support with.

I'm sorry you don't feel like you're getting the support you need. I know our meetings are small enough (usually 4-5 mothers) so after we cover the main topic we're welcome to discuss anything we want. Can you talk to the leader? She might be very open to starting a discussion on toddlers during your next meeting.

[julesmama]

Our local LLL has one toddler meeting each month in addition to an infant meeting. If you think there's enough interest ask your leader if they're interested in running a separate toddler meeting.

[Peony]

Tell the leader that you would like to see a meeting on x topic. I try really hard to balance the needs of new moms and toddler moms but it is difficult and sometimes I don't realize that I haven't done an "older" meeting for a while. I LOVE it when a mom suggests topics that they really need help on. And maybe a toddler meeting could be a possibility, I used to do them back when I had more free time and enjoyed exploring various toddler subjects.

[sunflwrmoonbeam]

Definitely talk to your leader. My local LLL is heavy on the toddlers, and we'll less often get a new mom or two. So we do discuss toddler issues fairly regularly, but when a new mom pops up it's all "yay, new baby! Let's talk about latch!" We're a small group, what can i say?

[texaspeach]

Originally Posted by julesmama

Our local LLL has one toddler meeting each month in addition to an infant meeting. If you think there's enough interest ask your leader if they're interested in running a separate toddler meeting.

this is also nice because it doesn't scare off new moms with tales of biting I'm only mostly kidding.

[Amy0417]

Aw Mama that's not cool. Could you find a different LLL (sorry if that was already recommended). My LLL isn't like that at all especially since both leaders bfed until their DSes were 4. It might just be the type of people at your meetings. Could you bring your feelings up with the leaders?


I wouldn't want you to stop going because of this. Your needs should be taken care of too!!

[OkiMom]

I tried to go once and never again will I try until the leaders change or I move. It was totally mainstream "wean them at a year or you are doing something bad". I got shocked and dismayed looks when I said I was tantum nursing and a couple people suggested I was "starving" my newborn even though she was up almost a pound beyond birth weight 6 weeks after birth (and 5 weeks after getting out of the hospital, she lost so much weight in the NICU). I e-mailed one of the leaders about a problem I was having and by the time she got back to me it had been several days and I already had corrected it myself and got my baby back to nursing (she refused to nurse in the NICU and I had to get her back to it after she came home).

[jessica_s]

OP: I agree with the others. Just ask about either a toddler meeting or bringing up more toddler friendly topics. If there is interest in a toddler meeting then you might even be able to get a separate one set up. Where I'm at there are evening meetings, multiples meetings, toddler meetings and even dad meetings!

Originally Posted by OkiMom

I tried to go once and never again will I try until the leaders change or I move. It was totally mainstream "wean them at a year or you are doing something bad". I got shocked and dismayed looks when I said I was tantum nursing and a couple people suggested I was "starving" my newborn even though she was up almost a pound beyond birth weight 6 weeks after birth (and 5 weeks after getting out of the hospital, she lost so much weight in the NICU). I e-mailed one of the leaders about a problem I was having and by the time she got back to me it had been several days and I already had corrected it myself and got my baby back to nursing (she refused to nurse in the NICU and I had to get her back to it after she came home).

The first part of this doesn't sound like you were at an LLL meeting. I mean it might have been billed as an LLL meeting, they might have said it was, but it wasn't.
The part about not getting back by email for several days? Well not that you can do anything now but I just tell people if they need something immediate to either call down the list of Leaders or LC's until they reach someone who they like and can help right now. Cause even though I'm hooked up to my iPhone like it's an IV I know not everyone else is!

[maddymama]

Originally Posted by OkiMom

I tried to go once and never again will I try until the leaders change or I move. It was totally mainstream "wean them at a year or you are doing something bad". I got shocked and dismayed looks when I said I was tantum nursing and a couple people suggested I was "starving" my newborn even though she was up almost a pound beyond birth weight 6 weeks after birth (and 5 weeks after getting out of the hospital, she lost so much weight in the NICU). I e-mailed one of the leaders about a problem I was having and by the time she got back to me it had been several days and I already had corrected it myself and got my baby back to nursing (she refused to nurse in the NICU and I had to get her back to it after she came home).

Mama, I'm so sorry this was your experience, but it really doesn't sound like any of the LLL tenents at all. It sounds anti-LLL in nature. LLL def recommends nursing well beyond one year, tandem nursing, etc.


OP: I'd try to see if you could talk to your local LLL about adding toddler topics to a few of the meetings, adding a toddler meeting, etc. Also, think of how beneficial it is for other moms to see YOU nursing an older toddler. You may help influence new mothers to nurse longer than originally planned, etc.

[Beauchamp]

I totally agree about how good it is for the newer moms to see those of us with toddlers! There are a few there who got through BFing on their own, with no prior knowledge or support, those with thrush, those with nursing strikes, and those who think/thought that nursing to 6 mo was a long time. So the see our nursing toddlers and get a new perspective. It's great!

I think my biggest problem is the leader, though. I talked to another toddler-mama outside the meeting and she confirmed what I think, that this particular leader is not welcoming and comes off very judgmental. I don't think she'd be receptive to be suggesting ideas. Nearly every time I have tried to add to a conversation she negates my comment or experience. (For example, she told a pregnant mama that she must have wool nursing pads because disposable pads are "bad for the environment and we don't like them." I spoke up and said, yes, wool is awesome, but for me, in the beginning I had such wicked let down that the wool ones, the three kinds I tried, never could absorb quickly enough and leaked and made me uncomfortable. So to keep myself sane I used Lansinoh pads for a while until my supply regulated a bit and then started using my wool. Well, the leader just looks at me and says, No. Wool *will* absorb even the strongest let down. You just didn't have the right kind. I mean, geez. I felt like an idiot (this wasn't the first time she responded this way to me) and basically stopped participating.

The last two meetings have turned into hour long sessions of what diapers to buy (Kauais (sp?), because that's what the leader uses) what carriers to use (ring sling from a WAHM, because, you guessed it...that's what this leader uses) and what to do in the hospital with your newborn. It's just funny because most people there use Ergos, Bum Genius, Grovia, or Gdipes, and it's like she's ignoring any value in those things and only supporting one or two products, which (personally) makes me feel very awkward. I mean, we should be supporting each other, not looking around the room at six babes in Bum Genius and then saying how Kauais are really the best. Weird!

Sigh. Thanks for the space to vent. I don't really feel comfortable writing this here because we have a smallish group and one of them might see this.

[2lilsweetfoxes]

Originally Posted by Beauchamp

The last two meetings have turned into hour long sessions of what diapers to buy (Kauais (sp?), because that's what the leader uses) what carriers to use (ring sling from a WAHM, because, you guessed it...that's what this leader uses) and what to do in the hospital with your newborn. It's just funny because most people there use Ergos, Bum Genius, Grovia, or Gdipes, and it's like she's ignoring any value in those things and only supporting one or two products, which (personally) makes me feel very awkward. I mean, we should be supporting each other, not looking around the room at six babes in Bum Genius and then saying how Kauais are really the best. Weird!

(

She getting kickbacks or something for plugging particular brands?

[maddymama]

I think it's against LLL policies for leaders to plug particular brands (other than what LLL supports)..... maybe an experienced leader will check in and let you know. Then you can contact someone higher up your LLL ladder and have them talk to her about supporting LLL policies and ideals.
I'd say that you should think about becoming a LLL Leader yourself, but you'd have to work closely with your current leader and I don't think that would work out tooo well..........
~maddymama

[Beauchamp]

Well, to be fair, she is not totally plugging specific products. It's just when faced with other things (BumGenius, Ergo, etc) she just sort of ignores those and says how great her choice products are. I don't want to paint this woman to be a total meanie. Maybe it's just her not clicking with me, although that other mama did ask me if I thought she was a bit unwelcoming for a LLL leader.

I would love to become a leader! That is so cool! I don't know that much about BFing though. But I love talking to other mamas, and helping them.

She's not a bad person or anything. But she does tend toward a stone face expression, or a kind of blank look when a few people make comments, and then she'll just continue on with her agenda. I am going to keep attending and hope it gets better. I may ask more plainly about toddler issues next time...maybe. I don't want to stir the pot, since I am new here and have few AP mama friends. I guess I had a preconception that the meeting would feel super open, comfortable, welcoming, etc, and it's really a bit awkward. I could be imagining things, but when my DD gets a little active (pulling everything out of our diaper bag, making noise, etc) I think I feel her eyes on me a little, like she'd prefer silent babies in laps or something.

I really appreciate the responses and the encouragement. I feel a little like I should delete my posts, though! Like you can't possibly complain about a LLL leader! They are supposed to be the best, and it makes me feel kind of crappy for "telling" on her.

[maddymama]

If you want to become a LLL Leader, you might want to read about it here:
http://www.llli.org/LAD/TaLLL/TaLLL.html
It takes some time and hard work to get there, but sounds like a rewarding experience for those who are interested.

~maddymama

[maybemom05]

I'm sorry you're feeling so unwelcome! What you're describing is definitely NOT how our meetings here are run. You should ask the leaders if they would establish a toddler meeting, or at a minimum make sure that the toddler mom's also get all their questions answered/ needs met. Our group also has a toddler playgroup that meets every other week - it's pretty informal, but folks tend to "roll in" once the babies reach 10 mos or so.

Are there any other groups near you? You might feel happier with a different group.

If you think you've got the time, have you considered trying to become a leader yourself? It would give you a lot more flexibility (although it IS a big commitment).

FWIW, LLL doesn't take a stand on cloth diapers, and leaders are supposed to be careful to distinguish items like cloth diapering, etc. from official meeting topics. (not that this does you any good - but I'm "just saying")

[maybemom05]

Oh - and I should have added, it's totally okay to "complain" to or about a Leader. LLL is about mother-to-mother support, and if you're not getting the support you need, then that's important. In my experience, most Leaders are open to constructive feedback.

[ewe+lamb]

This is not what LLL is about, although we talk about certain things LLL is about breastfeeding and supporting the mother's choices be it 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, 1 year, 5 years - LLL supports breastfeeding ... point, discussing which brands of cloth nappies to use has nothing to do with breastfeeding and can be discussed between mothers outwith the meeting but should not be discussed during, same as recommending health professionals etc. LLL meetings are like the market, you see and hear things that are of interest but you only take with you the things that you know will work for you and your family - it's not an all or nothing kind of organisation, i'd have a word with someone else in LLL, this really isn't 'how' LLL works and it upsets me that leaders who run groups by themselves can go off track, she may not even realise she's doing it - yes it can happen, anyway I'd see who I could make a 'complaint' to, or change groups, I'm really sorry that you have experienced this - it's really not what it's about.

[Beauchamp]

Well, she does have a meeting agenda/topic and often a handout. So far, I've been to three or four meetings. One meeting was babywearing, one was bringing home your newborn, and one was a general "let's talk about BFing and what we love about BFing", which was led by the leader's friend when the leader was too sick to come.

The babywearing and newborn meetings tended to sway away from talking about BFing, but mostly because some of the newer mamas (and one PG soon to be mama) brought up questions about diapers, etc. (And yes, asking for ped recommendations, too.)

The newborn meeting was "cancelled" because the pregnant mama wasn't there when the meeting started, and we all had babies 10+months, so the leader said we'll just talk about whatever we needed to talk about since the PG mama wasn't there to get the newborn info. And then we talked about thrush for 30-40 minutes (one mama had it) and then we brought up gentle nightweaning vs CLW, which never really got any attention, because at that point the PG mama arrived and we returned to the talk of diapers, pediatricians, what hospital, what to expect in the hospital, etc.

I don't want to seem like I am attacking my leader or anything. I suppose if there was a specific toddler/older baby-related day that would be nice. Maybe it's just that she gets a weird vibe from me or something, and that's why she reacts funny when I try to participate.

All I know for certain is that I get a negative vibe from her, and I know at least one other mama (of a toddler) has, too, since she told me about her feelings. I don't think I did or said anything to make her dislike me. I am just going to let it go, and see how it goes next month.

[kriket]

Originally Posted by texaspeach

this is also nice because it doesn't scare off new moms with tales of biting I'm only mostly kidding.

Are you saying I shouldn't show off my rockin' nipple scars?