What do I DO with these kids?

[flatstanley72]

Lately I am at a loss for things to do with the kids when we are at home. DD is 4 and DS is 16 months. They don't entertain themselves well at all and DS isn't quite old enough for them to play together yet. I feel like they need me to entertain them all the time. If I try to do anything other than play with them, someone is screaming/crying within minutes. When DS gets bored, which happens frequently, he starts getting aggressive, hitting me or DD with toys, throwing toys, etc. DD is always wanting me to play pretend with her, read to her, etc. and I can't do those things and also keep DS occupied. I just feel like I don't know what to do with them anymore. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

[shells_n_cheese]

Sorry, I don't have any advice, but I can REALLY relate to your post.

My children are 3 and 16 months, and yup, too young to really entertain themselves for long, and when they do play, they are fighting within minutes - if not seconds . We usually plan activities for the morning when everyone is bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, so it is the afternoon where everyone starts going insane with boredom. Me included.

I am subbing - hoping to also get some good ideas!

[Learning_Mum]

I put DS1 is kindergarten five mornings a week when he was 4yo. It was awesome! DS1 loved kindy and it gave him lots of stimulation - far more than I would have the time or energy for! Usually because he was then worn out the afternoon would just be playing at home. We'd play outside or have friends round to visit. Then by 4pm I start dinner and it was the home stretch!

[flatstanley72]

Originally Posted by shells_n_cheese

We usually plan activities for the morning when everyone is bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, so it is the afternoon where everyone starts going insane with boredom.

Yes, this is exactly how it is for us. The mornings are usually no problem. They go to a Mother's Day Out program a couple of mornings a week and we usually go out and do some activity on the other mornings. The afternoons are when we are all cranky and bored and they seem to go on FOREVER sometimes.

[shells_n_cheese]

Originally Posted by flatstanley72

The afternoons are when we are all cranky and bored and they seem to go on FOREVER sometimes.

YES. Forever and ever! I'm glad you posted this thread. It's really reassuring to see I am not alone! I always think I'm doing something wrong. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only SAHM who has this problem.

[Stephenie]

Mine are 3.5 and 17 months and it's the same thing here. I can't turn around without them fighting.

A few things they do well together: legos (duplo), playdough and coloring. Other than that I must participate and I always have to play referee.

[flatstanley72]

Originally Posted by shells_n_cheese

I always think I'm doing something wrong. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only SAHM who has this problem.

I keep thinking I am doing something wrong, too, and that other people don't have this problem. I am also glad to know I am not alone!

[mamazee]

My older child is a lot more relaxed and happier if she has a protein-based breakfast (like eggs) instead of a grain-based breakfast (like cereal). The first thing I would do is look at what they're having for breakfast.

Then if they're getting wild, sometimes the best thing to do is find a way to let them run around and wear themselves out. Which, granted, is a lot harder in colder weather than warm weather, but are there any free/inexpensive places you can take your kids so the older one can get worn out? Kids have so much energy, and sometimes either they get the energy out in a healthy way, or it comes out in a less healthy way. If you can get her tired out at a children's museum or something if not the park due to weather, then she might be more able to do more relaxing activities the rest of the day.

[Hokulele]

I'm so glad you posted this - I feel the same way. Things are MUCH better now that my DDs are 2yo and 5yo. They play! Together! Sometimes even nicely!! You are in the hardest age bracket for this!!

What helps me is advance preparation. I don't know why, but I just can't think when my kids are in the room with me. It is as though I only have so much brain power.

Like the pps said, I often have a morning activity - story time at the library/bookstore, playground trip, playgroup meeting, even just errand running with a stop by the nearest toy aisle. The afternoons are killer, though. DD2 wakes from her nap and I look at the clock and calculate the minutes until DH would be home.

But the days that go well are the ones when the night before I've set out what we'll do - one activity for morning, one for afternoon. The morning one often involves getting us out of the house. If we have a set thing to go to, we must dress and eat breakfast in a timely manner - that really gets our day going.

Often the afternoon activity is here at home - most often it is a craft. Sometimes we'll leave the house for a small trip, just to our neighborhood playground or something easy. At home, I will make a batch of playdough, put DDs in their chairs at the table, give them a bunch of kitchen gear (cookie cutters etc) and then I'll bring my laptop to the table so I can get my internet time in while also being available to help DD2 whenever she needs it. Or I'll set up our easel (IKEA has an affordable one, so perfect because the kids each stand at their own side of the easel so one can't mess the other's work up). Sometimes we have a dance party - put all our kid's cds on shuffle and play freeze dance or follow the leader. Or I will put on our kid yoga dvds.

One thing I learned from Supernanny (I know she's not a favorite here, but I did get some good ideas from her!) is that if you can set your kids up with an activity and start it with them, you often can leave them to it for a while so that you can do something else. Your youngest is a little young, but I found that advice did help. I couldn't leave them to it at that age for any real stretch. But they did get engaged in the activity and would happily play by themselves for a little teeny tiny minute at a time!

All this sounds like we have a blissful, activity filled life. However, my sucessful days are balanced still by the ones that have boredom! But I highly recommend having some activity/craft ideas up your sleeve, ready to put into action. Try Family Fun - their magazine has lots of cool ideas, for all ages. Their website probably has several good ones!

[flatstanley72]

Originally Posted by Hokulele

All this sounds like we have a blissful, activity filled life. However, my sucessful days are balanced still by the ones that have boredom! But I highly recommend having some activity/craft ideas up your sleeve, ready to put into action. Try Family Fun - their magazine has lots of cool ideas, for all ages. Their website probably has several good ones!

Thanks for the ideas. I did used to do this more when it was just DD and it really helped. Lately I have just felt like I have less energy and motivation to come up with ideas and prepare for them, but doing it the night before would probably help. Yesterday I did pull our copy of The Toddler Busy Book off the shelf and look for an idea when everyone was getting stir crazy from the rain. We just did a really simple one--taping Contact paper sticky side up to the floor and walking on it--but it really helped.

[flatstanley72]

Originally Posted by mamazee

My older child is a lot more relaxed and happier if she has a protein-based breakfast (like eggs) instead of a grain-based breakfast (like cereal). The first thing I would do is look at what they're having for breakfast.

Then if they're getting wild, sometimes the best thing to do is find a way to let them run around and wear themselves out. Which, granted, is a lot harder in colder weather than warm weather, but are there any free/inexpensive places you can take your kids so the older one can get worn out? Kids have so much energy, and sometimes either they get the energy out in a healthy way, or it comes out in a less healthy way. If you can get her tired out at a children's museum or something if not the park due to weather, then she might be more able to do more relaxing activities the rest of the day.

Thanks for the suggestions. I will definitely take a look at breakfast. I hadn't thought about doing high energy activities in the morning as a way to help them be more relaxed later, but will give it a try. We do usually try to get outside in the afternoons for a while to get some energy out and that helps, if the weather permits.

[Tway]

Originally Posted by shells_n_cheese

YES. Forever and ever! I'm glad you posted this thread. It's really reassuring to see I am not alone! I always think I'm doing something wrong. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only SAHM who has this problem.

Oh lord, thank you for posting that. There are moments when I feel like the worst mom on the planet, because I don't know what in the world to do next or I'm biting my nails waiting for 6 o'clock for DH to come home. Sometimes I even get giddy at the thought of going grocery shopping... alone!!!!! And it always looks like the other moms I meet have it all together all the time...

[philomom]

Originally Posted by mamazee

My older child is a lot more relaxed and happier if she has a protein-based breakfast (like eggs) instead of a grain-based breakfast (like cereal). The first thing I would do is look at what they're having for breakfast.

I have one child like this. He does much better if he's had eggs or a ham steak for breakfast.

[MrsH]

I can definitely relate as well - it's NOT just you! (said to everyone who feels like it is...). We have an 8yo DD, 4yo DS, and 16mo DD. Very busy! I agree with much of what previous posters said, and will say that our afternoons are also often just a mess. A few things that help me are below. I should say though that while it might all sound blissful and lovely, that's only the way it sometimes is when things line up just right. But I feel like I'm finally learning enough tools to cope even when things didn't align perfectly:

• while the littlest one naps, I have lunch with DS. We then read a story, and he has a "rest hour." Generally he'll play with his trains, lie on his bed to read books, or stare out the window. It took some training but now he'll do it fairly consistently, and often even for the full hour!
• we got a swingset last spring. Let me tell you, it's AMAZING. I send all three of them outside to go play and they are just so happy out there. We even one day had the two younger ones out in rainboots and raincoats (hm... that might've been ALL they were wearing...). They just love being out there. Our yard is small, but it's been so worth the space. We also have a designated "digging" spot, as well as several wagons, and bucket with ladle and wooden spoons that they use to make "soup" concoctions with.
• I've been learning that often, if I can be very close to my children but engaged in my own activity, they'll accept that and play side by side for a bit longer. So for example, both kids can do playdough while I catch up on computer stuff. DD can sit on the floor with her legos while I fold laundry next to her. DS and DD often just walk circles around our downstairs, each pushing a doll-stroller. They can do this for 20 minutes. Each time they pass they say "hi mommy!" or "boo!" and I just have to react while I keep folding. While I cook dinner, they both like being on stools. DS will help: taking grapes off the stems, cutting soft foods, tearing lettuce, making hamburger patties... DD will usually play on the floor. We have a little playkitchen in our kitchen, and I give her a couple of fun utensils and she's happy for a while.
• I also often stick the littlest one in the backpack while cooking dinner and she's being meltdown city.
• When it's 4pm and I'm already doing the count-down till bedtime I'll put them all in the bath. For an hour. They LOVE it, and I can clean the bathroom, then sit and read a book, or put clothes away (I can see them through the open door), etc.

Good luck! This is a really tough age for siblings but you'll all get through it. In 6 months they'll be totally different kids again