to move or not to move

[treeny]

Hello everyone, I am in need of some advice. I may have to separate from my spouse. We have a house together that is in both of our names. I do not have a full time job as of now. I work as a waitress at night and a substitute during the school year. I have a teaching license as well as a B.S. in Earth Science yet I cannot find a stable job in Michigan. I make around $1300 to $1700 a month my spouse would have to give around $800 in child support that gives a income of around 2100 to 2500 with my mortgage around $1000 and other living costs my bills would be around 1930 not including food. My children have been here for five years . My daughter is eleven and my son is nine. My daughter does not like change and my son's best friend lives down the street. My income varies if I am needed as a sub, and I have to cut back my hours at waitressing because I cannot be gone at night four to five nights a week. I probably will ask only to work Friday and Saturday nights. I really want this transition to be as good for the kids as possible, but I do not want to drown in debt. I appreciate the advice. Thanks

[GranoLLLy-girl]

I'm not sure what you are asking, exactly--but my stbx and I live in a very large house and the bottom line is--we will have to sell and split whatever we get out of it in equity. And he left us.
So, it means for me and the kids--a life of living very hand to mouth--even though we live in one of the wealthiest communities in our area as a family of four.
UNLESS I take him to court for a contested divorce and I've been told--that's NOT a guarantee. I still might come out with the same amount in child support but in addition, a lifetime of debt from attornies.
But that's just the reality. Divorce is not fair to anyone--especially not to children. I would have never left him, but now that he's gone, I can kind of see how poorly I was treated as a human being by him. So now I just have to live with the reality that we will struggle. Many people do.
And it kills me and makes me angry and I wish like heck he would have been a bigger person and would have done more to work it out. But the bottom line is: he's a coward, he's cruel and he didn't love any of us enough to be man enough to consider his FAMILY in his selfish actions.
Anyway-that last part is more of a vent, but you get the point.

[treeny]

I'm sorry I wasn't clear. I am wondering if I should move to a two bedroom apartment that would be about 600 a month. This would include gas and electric that I pay 200 a month. That would cut my monthly costs by $600. On the other hand this move may hurt my children even more. I also hope to have some sort of better job in a couple of years. I may want to struggle for a short time in a house that I cannot afford to give my children more stability. My husband is also the one that is leaving us, he also is an alcoholic that is emotionally abusive.

[NolaRiordan]

Can you move to the cheaper apartment without having to change your kid's school and / or day care?
Is there any question about custody of the kids? If so then you definitely want to stay in the house.
I was the one to move out into a smaller, cheaper house. I have to say it worked out well for the kids and I. It was nice to get a fresh start and we all had a lot of fun setting up OUR place and making it what we wanted.

[sparklefairy]

Originally Posted by treeny

I'm sorry I wasn't clear. I am wondering if I should move to a two bedroom apartment that would be about 600 a month. This would include gas and electric that I pay 200 a month. That would cut my monthly costs by $600. On the other hand this move may hurt my children even more. I also hope to have some sort of better job in a couple of years. I may want to struggle for a short time in a house that I cannot afford to give my children more stability. My husband is also the one that is leaving us, he also is an alcoholic that is emotionally abusive.

This is what I would do (and in fact what I did do).

[GranoLLLy-girl]

In Virginia (where I live), your children can go to any school they want if you are officially homeless. That's not you, of course, but there are ways around things.
The other option is to ask the principal (in Virginia) if your children can continue to attend that school--especially IF there is before and after school care connected to it. In other words, you could have your son's friend's mom vouch for the fact that your kids stay with them after school (just have a written letter--even if it's not "true"--as long as it's in writing) and then they can stay.
That may be what I have to do--have our church sign off on the fact that my son attends the after care program so we can live in a cheap crummy part of town, but the kids can attend a good school.
Check into it.

[One_Girl]

I think moving to cut your costs is a good idea. You probably won't be getting $800 a month in child support unless your kids father has a really really good job.

[mum4vr]

mama

I hate to have to say this, but even if you get $800 cs, cs is income that you can NEVER be secure counting on. Many stbxs quit a job or cut hours or work for pay under the table DELIBERATELY to punish the x for moving on, for being ok, for not being ok, or whatever. (Brutal honesty here) you could not count on him as a spouse, and far less as an x.

Tuck in that quivering lip-- it'll be hard, and it'll hurt, but go rent your place and check on day one what you are allowed to do as far as decorating. For some reason decorating together (like a pp said) really REALLY makes it home.

Keep traditions-- it is the "home" that you bring with you and is very comforting for those who resist change.

I agree w the PP that if you can keep the school or other after care or activities, that will help.

GL. This is no kind of economy to be tied upside down in a house you can't afford.

blessings