I can't decide on a MW

[soontobemommyof3]

I have had my 3 midwife interviews and I feel... indecisive.

MW #1 was nice. But I don't feel like we clicked and I don't sense any structure from her which makes me a bit nervous. Though my interview did not go so well with her either. I just shot questions at her and after cutting out the majority of my questions the interviews with the other midwives were much more natural.
MW #2 was awesome. She is everything I was looking for. But her fee is $3800 and the drive is long.

MW #3 was nice, but too structured and medically minded for my tastes.

So I am stuck between MW #1 and 2
If the issue was simply who I felt most comfortable with it would be #2 hands down.


But its not #1 is willing to come to my house for prenatals and is considerably cheaper about $1800. This is a factor I have to take into consideration seeing as DH is facing possibly losing his job, which would leave us with no insurance coverage.

#2 was very experienced and on the board of midwives for our state.

I just don't feel like I got a good sense of who #1 was. I would trust #2 in a minute with my birth. I just want to feel like secure in my choice that there is a little structure but not too much and that if I lose it in trasition someone will be there who can help me regain control.

I am sure #1 is competant, I just wish I could get that vibe and settle my nerves. I just don't know what to do. Oh and #1 was actually trained by #2.

[cileag]

It sounds like you really want to go with number 2 and feel pressure due to monetary concerns not to---in which case, only you can say how much that matters in your particular family situation. I'd go with the one I clicked with and had lots of experience and do my best to make it work financially.

Good luck!

[XanaduMama]

If your dh loses his job/insurance, would you qualify for Medicaid? Looks like WI Medicaid covers homebirths/MWs. In any case, I too would go with #2 and try to make it work financially. I drove 40 mins or so for prenatals and it wasn't a big deal (though I'd worried it would be).

[mwherbs]

Meet with #1 again, and see what you think then. You sort of refined your interview list after meeting with her, and just about everyone can have an off day. If the other gal still feels like the best choice then maybe there is a way to resolve the financial issues.

[MsBlack]

I agree w/mwherbs. You might call mw #1 back, and just tell her that you didn't feel you got a good sense of her because you had so many questions. Ask her more open-ended questions, maybe--like:

Can you tell me more about how you do your work? What are prenatals like? Describe how you support birth.

What would you say is special about you as a mw among others?

Give her time to talk, if she will. You might form other questions from hearing her talk.

Try to relax and let a conversation happen...you might be surprised. But if not, then you might as well see about mw#2 and working out something with her fees.

[Mad Hatter]

Hi there, I'm a midwife in Iowa and if I were you, I would try to go with the midwife you really liked. It's worth it! All of us in Iowa have sliding scale fees--I imagine it's the same in other places. Just be open with this midwife. Tell you you felt you clicked but the fee is a bit too high. Ask if she has a sliding scale, and if not, ask anyway if she'd be willing to come down on the fee for you, or offer you an extended payment plan. If someone came to me with this request, I'd have a hard time turning her down! In general, midwives appreciate women who know they want our care and are straightforward about fee concerns. good luck!

[lyterae]

I also would go with the midwife you loved, I understand that financially it will be tight (we have to pay for ours out of pocket). Our midwife is very flexible with payment plans, please check with her and find out. I think it will be worth it to go with the midwife that you really clicked with and feel confident in.

[mwherbs]

I know that midwives will often work with clients but actually I do not currently know any midwives who have a sliding fee scale. I use to get the Texas mw newsletter and the printed up a sliding fee scale that We used years ago but haven't seen one in 15 years...
I also have been mistaken about people at first glance, especially when I have been nervous and trying to stick to a written list.

[ocelotmom]

I agree with mwherbs, too - talk some more with #1 and see if you can get a better sense of who she is. It may be that #2 is the best fit, and the added cost and inconvenience are worth it, but it sounds to me like you'll be second guessing your decision the whole time if you don't give #1 another chance first.