Are you ever judged for neglect?

[pumpkingirl71]

Just curious if anyone else has this problem, but we are in this horrible possition where we keep having to remind school officials that our daughter is adopted. I am not really sure what is going on and I hope I don't turn into *that* parent, but we are having to fight very hard for dd to get services through her school. Her medical history is dramatic and horrific. There is no question that her needs are real. The only reason I can think that the school is being so dismissive of us is that dd's injuries are due to neglect. On some level, I feel like I am being judged because my daughter was neglected.

[Tigerchild]

IME, with all the budget cuts and the fact that special services are not fully funded, getting services for children is extremely hard in the US. Period. Unless it it totally in your face obvious (major, extremely obvious developmental delay; physical disability, ect.) it is hard, and even if it IS totally in your face obvious districts will delay, minimize, and try not to provide the services OR they are so overwhelmed that nobody gets the services in the frequency that they need.

None of my kids have disabilities. But they do go to (and I am active at) a Title I school that is the district *center* for students with profound disabilities and who are medically fragile. Having seen jaw-dropping instances of people having to fight for something that is extremely obvious and requires no background knowledge to see that it's needed--I have to say that I doubt that your daughter is being slow to receive services because she's adopted.

I think it is because perhaps her needs are not as obvious as someone with a seizure disorder that is immobile, a child that uses a wheelchair, a child who is obviously affected by a trisomy disorder (distinct appearance, ect.). It is hard as hell to get kids who have behavioral/emotional disorders the services they need. Adopted or not.

Is there a parents of special needs kids organization specific to your district? I have noticed that they are popping up all over the place because in order to force districts to do what they are supposed to be doing the parents pretty much have to do the equivalent of unionizing. A lot of people are reluctant to join if their kids "aren't as affected as those other kids" but in my observation it's when there is a strong organization of parents there is more like to be more support and at the very least you have people that will tell you the tips and tricks and commiserate and help you write angry letters and demand your rights.

[Aridel]

I agree with Tigerchild that is is probably less that she was neglected and adopted, and more that many districts are not providing sufficient services to anyone without a fight. A local parent group would be a great resource for you. I would also look into having an advocate come to a meeting with you. Professional advocates know the law backwards and forwards, and know exactly how to phrase things to push districts. They can come to a meeting with you, read through all the paperwork, all of that - and districts often back down and offer more just on hearing that you have a professional coming with you. I would also bring in (and highlight the key sections on your own copy) any outside reports that apply to your daughter's educational (NOT medical) needs. The school has to discuss the outside eval, even though they do not always have to implement all the recommendations. Make them justify every decision they make that is different than any reports you have.

If you are having trouble even getting an initial IEP, and they are denying eligibility, I truly think you need an advocate. A local parent group may have some names for you.

[pumpkingirl71]

Thank you guys for your response. I hadn't even thought about the impact of budget cuts, but I am sure that is part of it. I just find it all so weird, because my daughter's needs are so obvious. She has frequent bathroom accidents at school directly related to an injury. She won't ask for help when she does have an accident, so I am asking for scheduled bathroom use and for the nurse to assist her in getting cleaned up is she does have an accident.

[KCMichigan]

Originally Posted by pumpkingirl71

Thank you guys for your response. I hadn't even thought about the impact of budget cuts, but I am sure that is part of it. I just find it all so weird, because my daughter's needs are so obvious. She has frequent bathroom accidents at school directly related to an injury. She won't ask for help when she does have an accident, so I am asking for scheduled bathroom use and for the nurse to assist her in getting cleaned up is she does have an accident.

I dont this those requests are unrealistic.

Does you DD have an IEP or 504?

I have a DD w/ 'bathrooming' needs due to a medical condition. We will be writing a 504 for her. It is a legally binding document that they HAVE to make accomodations for her per the Americans W/Disability Act. She has no other 'issues'--academic/behavioral/health. BUT she has very little bladder/bowel control and wears pull-ups.

She is only 5, she will need adult supervision to make sure she is clean and dry during an 8 hour day. Duh.

The school will assign her a school person that will check on her throughout the day (a free floating aide that works with the whole school) and help her 'change'. as needed and/or be able to assist her if she needs a non-routine bathroom break.


I agree, budgets are so tight right now they squeak. BUT your DD still needs some special accommodations.

I would put it in writing that you are requesting an IEP or evaluation. If you are looking at a 504 talk to your 504 coordinator in the district and request a meeting and documentation (in writing). That will start the process that is time sensitive for the schools to follow.

An IEP is unlikley no matter what her past is- IF she is academically and behaviorally on track. BUT a 504 is totally possible since her difficulties impact a life skill (bathroom) and that is the only criteria for a 504 (any thing that impacts life skills---eating/drinking/talking/personal bathrooming, etc).


It is almost impossible for a classroom teacher to 'help' her if she has 20+ other students that she is responsible for at the same time. A plan needs to be in place.
Good Luck!

[pumpkingirl71]

Thanks KCMichigan. She does have a 504 plan, but the school is having a hard time implementing it for lots of reasons. I met with the nurse last night and found out there is no bathroom for my daughter to use She needs to sit on the toilet for a really long time and can't be left in the kids bathroom. Not sure what to do. Also, the nurse is really resistant to helping her get cleaned up. Still stuck on that one....

[KCMichigan]

Check into info here http://www.wrightslaw.com/info/sec504.index.htm

It states the legal requirement your school HAS TO comply with if it is in a 504 plan.

It is not optional if bathrooming needs are written in.

Contact your local Civil Rights office if you can, they will often have free legal advice and/or advocates that can help.

There has to be a workable solution and someone at the school (logically the nurse, but could be someone else) should be responsible to help your DD.

They can not choose to ignore a 504 plan. Be pushy if you have to, but demand a meeting w/ the powers that be (princiapl, nurse, teacher, 504 coordinator) and make sure that her needs are being met in a respectful way.

[carol7906]

pumpkingirl71,
It's so hard to fight a system! KCMichigan is right, by law they have to implement a 504 plan; does she have a 504 coordinator? I'm so glad your daughter has you as an advocate. Hang in there!

[Smithie]

"Also, the nurse is really resistant to helping her get cleaned up. Still stuck on that one...."



That is an issue that goes even beyond the 504 coordinator. This nurse needs a sharp set-down from her supervisor ASAP, because she seems to be under the impression that refusing to attend to the needs of a student with a medical issue is acceptable on-the-job behavior for a SCHOOL NURSE.

Basically, your dd's school is in direct violation of federal law, and you may need to get a lawyer to force them to comply.

[jes h]

I just joined this forum as my husband and I are starting the foster licensing process, but I came across your post...

I am currently a Special Ed. teacher, though I will probably be leaving my job once we begin fostering.

I am in NO WAY trying to excuse or justify any inappropriate behavior at your school site, but we do live in an awful age of nasty budgets and growing caseloads. Sometimes it is important to be the squeeky wheel.  I worry over students whose parents don't know how to (or aren't involved enough) to be that wheel.

Before going to an attorney, I would seek out a parent support group.  I believe every state has a PEPP group (Parents Educating Parents and Professionals)   http://www.peppinc.org/  .  They are extremely knowledgeable and free; they will counsel you through effectively approaching the school and will often send an advocate to the meetings with you.  It is sad to say, but sometimes hearing that an advocate is coming is enough to strike some sense of (fear?) reason into the school.

Ultimately, it is not necessarily the 504 coordinator, nurse, SpEd. teacher, etc. to ensure the plan is followed, it is the school administrator (LEA).  If the school admin. doesn't get serious and ensure your daughter is taken care of, you want to be *that* parent, but you want to do it effectively so that you don't have to always be *that* parent.  PEP often really helps there.

I am leaving the field due to issues related to the budget crisis; we lost a position and my caseload exploded;  I cannot provide the level of care I believe is appropriate, so I am leaving to foster kids w/ special needs instead (& hopefully help parents through something like PEPP).  Sadly, I am afraid many great teachers will be burned out this way, and those who don't take their jobs as seriously will stick around.

Good luck to you & squeak away!