Very sensitive 18 month old?

[skybluepink02]

I'm at a bit of a loss with my 18 month old son. I've gotten a bit firmer lately as far as trying to teach him and his twin sister a few boundaries. He's so heartbroken every time I tell him no!

For example, he threw his fruit over the high chair onto the floor at snack today. I told him "no, no, we don't throw food. Let's clean it up." I got him out of his chair and tried to show him how to pick up the fruit.

He started sobbing and came up to me and threw is arms around my neck saying"frow". I wasn't harsh at all. I don't know why he got so upset! Of course I gave him hugs all better.

What is the best way to deal with this? Or tips for teaching sensitive kids?

[ellemenope]

Well, I havn't read any books on the subject, but I did skim through The Highly Sensitive Child, and DD was all over the place in there, but it seemed geared for an older child.

Her two biggest areas where she is most sensitive are social situations where there is a lot of commotion and where it concerns feelings and empathy.

At around 18 months DD started taking 'correction' really hard, too. I remember around that age I told her "we don't stand on books," and she just melted to the floor and sobbed. I didn't even raise my vioce. That was my 'pick up your fruit story.' I was like 'what is this?'

For along time, when I scolded her she would run to her chair and just moan in disgust with herself (that is the best way I can describe it. These were not tantrums or meltdowns. And she had to hide her face from me) At the time, I just responded by confronting her less and making sure she got a good nap.

She is also extrememly sensitive to others' feelings. Once when DD was about 13 months old my sister was stressed out about money and came over. She started tearing up, and little DD climbed up in her lap and just held her until she fell asleep.

Coincidently, whenever that same aunt scolds DD for ANYTHING, DD still melts into a puddle of tears.

We also have a really hard time arguing in front of her. You can literally see her being torn between us. Oh, those little eyes... (We don't fight in front of her. Heck, we don't fight period. But, we do think it important for her to see us work out our disagreements as well as see us be happy in the end.)

And, then there was that time I picked up DH at the train station after a long day when she was about 18 months old, drove home, got out of the car, and told DH "you deal with her, I don't want anything to do with her right now." You should have seen her face. She looked at me in astonishment and just started screaming my name in this gut-wrenching questioning moan as she fought DH to get to me.

DON'T DO THAT TO YOUR DS.

DD is now 26 months and a lot better. She is so easy to discipline. We don't punish. We just let her know how her actions affect others, and she just gets it for the most part. She is a sweet girl. WE DON'T YELL AT HER AT ALL, but like I said, we don't have, too.

FWIW DD threw food on the floor all the time. That was just a non-issue for us. It has just gotten better.

I sometimes worry about being too soft on her, but in reality it seems the world is too hard on her sensitive disposition. I don't know how to change that, and don't necessarily know that I'd want to.

[elizaMM]

Maybe just a subtle facial expression?

He's lucky his mama recognizes him as sensitive and wants to accommodate. Aw, give him a kiss for me. That's probably how I was

[bluebirdiemama]

Was this the first time you told him "no"? It probably just startled him to hear corrective language toward him. I remember my kids (now 3 and 1.5) were surprised when I started correcting their behavior. I was not harsh, they had simply never been spoken to like that before.
Both my children are very sensitive, and sometimes they will get their feeling hurt easily, when I am intending them no harm. Even just a gently spoken sentence that they don't get the meaning of will send them into histeria thinking I am mad at them.
However sensitive though, I don't think is reason for them to continue throwing food, or anything else that is unacceptable behavior. I deal with their sensitivity by hugging them, understanding their feelings, telling them I am not mad, making sure they understand "You are not in trouble, Mommy is not mad at you, but we still have to clean up this fruit. We don't need to be upset. Let's clean this up."
IMO children need us to teach them how to function and live life, while dealing with emotions and situations they don't understand. If we express to them that they can ignore a situation when it produces unfavorable emotions, then they will never learn to deal with themselves.
I am a living example of learning to avoid unfavorable circumstances. It's not healthy.

[thehighernest]

I'm a new mama myself, so not sure I have much advice to give, but what PP said sounds true to me. I want to find a balance between teaching DS and being sensitive to his sensitive spirit, too.

He's almost 18 months now, but I noticed how sensitive he is months ago. He hit me in the face with a wooden block he was throwing around, and he could tell right away that it had hurt me, and he started to sob. It was a tough position for me because I felt bad that he felt bad, but I also thought it was important that he understand (to the best of his little toddler ability) that I'd been hurt by what he'd done. I hardly had to say anything, based on his reaction.

He's exhibited this a couple of other times in similar scenarios where he did something that is generally considered not acceptable, though I realize he's still learning.

He also shows it in other ways: we share a very thin apartment wall with neighbors who also have a toddler, and one evening my DS started to hear their DS crying, and he looked at us and his eyes welled up with tears. It was heartbreaking. I'd never seen him react that way, not even with the block incident. He looked so incredibly sad.

Then, though we're naughty parents for doing so , we let him watch Handy Manny on TV sometimes, and there's this one episode where a character thinks he'll have to give up his pet rooster because it's waking up the whole neighborhood. DS has cried with such emotion at that very moment every time he's seen that episode.

The flip side to this is that he's also really sensitive to humor. He laughs hysterically at any slapstick bit in the cartoon or when DH or I do anything silly.

In some ways, it seems a challenge, but in others, it's kinda nice to see him care so much about things.