I am so frustrated..

[MisaGoat]

I know it is only the 2nd week of school but getting to school on time is a nightmare. Today we left the house on time and got to school on time but then my son screamed and cried for 30 minutes in the car so we were still late.

I really wasn't expecting him to react like this. He just turned 4 and we switched from preschool to pre-k this year. (This makes him one of the youngest in his grade. The cutoff is October 1st and he turned 4 only 2 days before school started). The preschool was full day 5 days a week and he went through August. The pre-k is at the public school he will go to kindergarten at next year. The pre-k program is only from 8:30-10:55 I figured he would be a little shy and need some time for adjustment but I wasn't expecting tantrums (which until recently he rarely had). He was fine at preschool last year even from the first week.

He also wet the bed last night for the first time in months. I can't remember the last time that happened. I don't know if it is related or not.

I dropped him off at school 30 minutes late, had to sign him in at the office and then sat for a few minutes in his class with him. Honestly within 3 minutes of getting to his class he was participating and happy. He sat down, raised his hand, got his name tag and went to the center. I talked to his teacher this morning and she asked me to get him here on time (which I am TRYING to do) and when I told her that we were sitting in the car she was really surprised because once he gets to class he participates and is happy.

He said he is scared of his new school but when I talk to him there isn't any problem other than that it is new. I told him it was ok to be scared and it will stop being new the more he goes but he got upset and said it wasn't ok to be scared.

I don't know what to do. I completely broke down crying after I dropped him off. I am not worried about him at school, his teacher and assistants are nice, the school is nice and the kids are friendly. I am just sooooo frustrated at the morning incidents getting out of the house or into school.

[Linda on the move]

My DD went through something similar last year.

I would be compelely honest with his teacher and the office staff about what is going on, and have them help him transition into the building. Our school staff was wonderful with my DD last year.

Is there a different way to drive to school or enter the building? Some of this can become a habit, so switching the routine up can help.

Can you do something in the car to help distract him? Play music, let him eat something etc.?

Focusing on the breath is a good way to get out of a panic attack. He's really to start learning this, but you could see if he could catch on.

I'd talk to him about the "it's not OK to be scared" thing. Everybody gets scared. Being brave means being scared but doing it anyway.

[MisaGoat]

When I went to pick him up he didn't want to leave! All the kids are brought to the door by the teacher and then they let them out one by one when they see the parent is there. I had to go into the classroom and coax him out. He was refusing to talk when I got there. Just playing at the sand table. Finally he started talking and said "I am just having so much fun" and I reminded him he would get to come back tomorrow.

Linda-I think you hit the point-he is basically having panic attacks! My husband and I have both had them. I don't know if it officially qualifies as a panic attack or not but that doesn't matter. I guess we just need to keep talking to him about how sometimes we get scared too.

I'll keep thinking about ways to make the transition to school easier on him. He really likes to pack his snack. He likes to listen to music in the car. Our town is pretty small so the drive is short and there isn't really another way to go. There is one main entrance that the students go through. I don't think having to sign in helped at all. I think being late makes it worse too, because everyone is already there and doing circle time.

I think tomorrow we will try to get there at least 15 minutes early so I can sit with him for a little bit before the class actually starts. That way when I actually leave it will be 8:30 and he will be in class with the other kids on time.

[cloe]

I found that my son responded with a small photo to put in his pocket. If he felt that he missed us he could just look at the photo and know we would be back soon to pick him up. Also draw a little kiss on his hand from mommy. So he knows you are there and will be coming back soon.

[LynnS6]

Being early really helped my son transition at that age too. Another thing that helped (and could only be done if we got there 15 minutes early) was to 'hand him off' to a teacher. A teacher could take him in her lap and help him get settled.

Is he getting enough sleep? That makes our life more difficult if we don't.

[MisaGoat]

I am really trying to make sure he is getting enough sleep. He rarely takes an afternoon nap now. He did today and the day after his birthday party. But I think it has been about a month or so since he napped regularly. Bedtime is 7 pm so he is upstairs by then or close to but sometimes he doesn't fall asleep until 8:30. The hard part about the evening is that my husband gets home between 6 and 6:30 most nights. He does often say he is still tired in the morning. I am just going to keep trying to keep a consistent bedtime and morning routine for him.

I don't think it is really that he misses us when we leave, just that the new class is scary for him. Once he gets there he is fine. He has always been easy going with being left with other people or staying with his grandparents. He never seems worried that we won't pick him up or miss us terribly.

Thanks for the replies! This morning I felt like the only mom in the whole school who's kid was crying in the morning and who couldn't get her son to school on time. I feel a little better now, realizing that I am doing what I can and it will take a little time to adjust.

[Emmeline II]

What kind of sleeper is he?

Is he restless?

Does he snore?

Is he frequently congested or prone to ear infections?

If he is not getting enough "good sleep" then the number of hours won't matter.


Last year ds would take 40min to 2hrs to fall asleep (despite limiting TV, using blackout curtains, and exhausting him with football practice). This year he is taking melatonin tablets (he also has ADHD), but liquid drops can be used for a smaller dosage.

[MisaGoat]

He is a great sleeper. When he is asleep he is out. Sometimes he'll wake up to go to the bathroom or have a bad dream but that is about it.

He did have a cold or allergies for a couple weeks and was coughing in his sleep but that resolved a few weeks ago. Otherwise I think he is fairly healthy and isn't prone to ear infections.

[MisaGoat]

Yesterday was a little better. We still had crying and screaming but I think it was shorter. We were up at 7 am and my son woke up on his own and was dressed by 7:30 but kept insisting he wasn't hungry so he decided he wanted cereal when I said it was time to go so that ate into our getting there early time and then he cried getting into the car at our house.

I picked him up and he was happy but then didn't want to get in the car and go home.

His school sent home a notice that starting next week parents aren't supposed to walk students into the classroom, just drop them off at the main entrance. I don't know how that is going to work out, I don't think he is ready for that yet. It is a small school but I don't feel comfortable and don't think he would be ok with that yet. I like handing him off directly to who will be taking care of him.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by MisaGoat

His school sent home a notice that starting next week parents aren't supposed to walk students into the classroom, just drop them off at the main entrance.

IMHO, you need to talk to the teacher and/or principal and come up with a plan that everyone can live with.

For my DD last year, I walked her into the office and the secretary signed her into school. If she needed help getting to class, either the secretary or the social worker walked her to class. She was 13 years old at the time.

On one hand, parents walking kids all the way to class may not be the best thing overall. At the same time, just having him get out of the car isn't going to work. He needs some extra support with the transition.

[MisaGoat]

My husband dropped our son off on Monday morning and he cried and my husband walked him into the lobby of the school with the teaching assistant. His teacher ended up coming out and getting him to come to class. The rest of the day was fine.

Tuesday my husband dropped him off at the front of the school and he went in to school with the teaching assistant and they clapped for him.

Today the teaching assistant met us in the car line helped my son out of the car and with his backpack and he went right into school, I don't even think he said bye to me. In the car on the way to school he was telling me he was going to walk into school all by himself.


I am so relieved that it has gotten better. Everyone at the school now knows our son! The staff seemed pretty relaxed about the earlier crying, I guess they see a few kids like that every year.

His teacher sent a note home yesterday letting us know how great of a day he had, so I am happy he is adjusting.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by MisaGoat

I am so relieved that it has gotten better. Everyone at the school now knows our son! The staff seemed pretty relaxed about the earlier crying, I guess they see a few kids like that every year.

His teacher sent a note home yesterday letting us know how great of a day he had, so I am happy he is adjusting.

[jessemoon]

My son spent his two pre-school years having to be peeled off of me at the door and then having a great day and not wanting to leave.

Every day he clung to me and said "Don't go, Mama" and had to be snuggled by the teacher. Every Day. Unless Daddy could drop him off...then it was "Bye Dad!" and off like a shot.

He now (as a great big first grader) talks about his preschool in glowing, nostalgic tones and misses his teachers and wants to go visit. So, it didn't scar him and he doesn't even remember the drop-off drama.

So, even if the drop-off is difficult, the school experience may still be worth it!