My 9 yr old WILL NOT focus,,, so stressed!...

[ohiomommy1122]

So my 9 yr old just will just NOT focus, we have had this problem for YEARS he does not listen to directions he does not read directions just has serious focus issues I have tried all I can think of over the years but I cannot have him, monoplize ALL of my time anymore i have 3 other small children plus he is at all day I am starting to feel I am doing a dis-service to my other children by homeschooling him BUT I know school would be worse because then he would have lots of kids to want to talk to ( he is very social) instead of do his work. He knows that if he doesn't do it right he will redo it but that will not stop him he doesnt care he and as an added bounus I think he has an extra attitude problem now that he is almost 10 and entering the tween stage.

Sometimes he is still doing his work at 7 pm its not that he has 12 hours of work he only has abnout 4 each day he just would rather stare out a window that do it. I have tried to choose subjects he likes ( that helps) but writing, handwriting, spelling and math are that even if I try to gear it toward a theme nope doesnt work if he doesnt like it he doesnt do it!

He will stop his work for ANY reason to play with the little ones, sneak some preschool tv in ( really what his the interest in Sesame Street at age 9) even offer to do chores and offer to help me do things to get out of his work.

I NEED him to do his work not domestic duties he has been falling behind gradually over the last 3 years ( luckily were were ahead at the time) but now we are right at grade level and I worries he will actually get behind grade level now.

I thought he needed more physical activity so I added extra PE type time with lots of breaks that does seem to help a bit but I am just so frustrated

Thanks for lrtting me vent, please let me know I am not alone

[phathui5]

Can you give us an idea of how his day is broken up and what you're trying to get him to do? Is there a schedule? If yes, what does it look like? What is his learning style like? What curriculum, if any, are you using?

[PGTlatte]

Hi,

Our DS1 has serious focus issues. The only way he can do any structured work and make any academic progress in these areas is for me to sit in the chair next to him and keep him on task. I also need to keep his "sessions" limited to 20 minutes max - then he needs at least 10 minutes of free time before he can focus on work again. I limit the total time of his focused work to two hours per day including the breaks - so in one hour he does 20 minutes of math with me, takes a 10 minute break, and 20 minutes of grammar, takes a break - perhaps a longer one or lunch. Then after the longer break (maybe lunch) we'll do another hour of two 20-minute sessions to cover reading and handwriting. Some days I'll substitute in something that counts as science or social studies. Most days I am just working on language arts and math.

20 minutes is not only the limit of DS1's focus - it's also the longest DS2 can go without some major attention. The 20 minute session is pretty much the key to making HS work at our house.

[theatermom]

4 hours of writing (this includes math, spelling, anything requiring him to put pencil/pen to paper) at age 9 (for a boy in particular) is too much.

BTW, it is not at all uncommon for older children to be interested in or distracted by preschool shows.

Your son sounds like he wants active, hands on learning. His desire to do chores and play with the little ones shows that he wants to *do* something, not sit and write.

Explore with him some ways that he would enjoy learning more -- games, puzzles, dvds, etc. and see if you can come up with a new plan.

[elizawill]

not sure if this would help at all, but i thought it was worth mentioning. my little guy has adhd and we give him fish oil & attentive child (the chewable wafers http://www.amazon.com/Source-Natural...pr_product_top). it helps him SO much with focusing. like i said...not sure that is of any help, so don't take offense...but just wanted to mention it, as your son sounds like my little man. hth.

[ohiomommy1122]

Originally Posted by theatermom

4 hours of writing (this includes math, spelling, anything requiring him to put pencil/pen to paper) at age 9 (for a boy in particular) is too much.

.

how is that to much? He is not writing the whole time in fact its very little writing mostly reading

[PGTlatte]

Originally Posted by ohiomommy1122

how is that to much? He is not writing the whole time in fact its very little writing mostly reading

Is he expected to focus on reading or written work for four hours at a stretch ? If so then I would agree that is too much at once. I think it would be for most people - and definitely a 9 yo boy. I didn't ever have to do that, even in college. We had to walk to change classes each hour, and then each new class started with some handing in homework, saying hello to people, and listening to the lecture. Even when we did hours and hours of homework into the wee hours, we took real breaks every 45 minutes or so and moved around, snacked, stretched, joked, talked, etc. I think people just need breaks to refresh our focus.

If he can get some really good breaks in between periods of work, his focus and interest might really improve and he would get more done in less time and get more out of doing it.

By a really good break I mean time to get his mind into something else, and to move his whole body. Our sons go tearing around the yard or house, build a big tower from the giant blocks and knock the whole thing down, practice bowling with a little wooden bowling set, go outside and shoot stomp rockets or arrowcopters - something very active. Sometimes he also wants to do something with just his mind - he plays a game at physicsgames, builds something from legos...our newest break activity is a game of mancala (it was only $5 !). Our DS is much fresher and ready to work again after a break that allows his mind and body to do something else for a while. He gets a lot of work done in his short sessions. If I didn't works these breaks into his day, he would hate his work, hate homeschooling, and get very little done.

[moominmamma]

Originally Posted by ohiomommy1122

how is that to much? He is not writing the whole time in fact its very little writing mostly reading

Even my very academically-minded 16yo homeschooler who is doing mostly senior-level course work doesn't do four hours a day of academics. And certainly not straight. Laundry crisis is right: bricks-and-mortar school may last 6 hours but a hefty proportion of that time is spent on crowd-management, transition time and administrative time, not to mention breaks, lunch, discussion, etc.. Direct instruction and work-time is no doubt less than half of that: I've seen statistics quoted suggesting that as little as 15% of in-school time is actually learning/instructional time.

Miranda

[phathui5]

How are you breaking up his four hours of work time?

Is it four hours straight? Four one hour periods with breaks in between? Half hour chunks?

How long are you trying to get him to focus at a time?

[AAK]

Check out the book "Smart Moves". It is a Brain Gym book. We are currently doing neuronet with my dd--it is kinda like brain gym but adds auditory and visual stuff too. People that I have spoken with (that have actually used this) report better attention, focus, organization, etc. in their children.

Amy

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by moominmamma

Even my very academically-minded 16yo homeschooler who is doing mostly senior-level course work doesn't do four hours a day of academics. And certainly not straight.

None of the young adult homeschool grads I've known did either. One who did the least later took 21 units at a time for fun at the local community college, got herself into a good college, got her masters on a full scholarship from another one, and is working on her PhD. My son never worked for hours at a time during his homeschooling years, but did well in his first classes at the community college, scored high on the SAT, and got scholarship offers in response to his college entrance applications. Others have gone on to higher education in a variety of ways and are enjoying satisfying work or careers. Much of what we went through in schools is really just unnecessary busy work that isn't helping to learn more than what could be covered in a fraction of the time, and I think children often see that and can't or won't go along with it. - Lillian

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by ohiomommy1122

He will stop his work for ANY reason to play with the little ones, sneak some preschool tv in ( really what his the interest in Sesame Street at age 9) even offer to do chores and offer to help me do things to get out of his work.

I NEED him to do his work not domestic duties he has been falling behind gradually over the last 3 years ( luckily were were ahead at the time) but now we are right at grade level and I worries he will actually get behind grade level now.

I think it's really quite normal for a 9 yr. old to want to play with his siblings - play is a very natural drive for children of all ages - and even adults can enjoy Sesame St. It really doesn't matter if he later gets "behind" whatever grade level expectations are happening in the local schools, although he's at grade level right now, so he probably feels he's accomplished a lot already - he has lots and lots of time to complete whatever he'll need in the years to come. I think you might be very pleasantly surprised in the long run if you let him loose more to follow his interests. Lillian