Surro Moms?

[akichan]

Is there a Surrogate Moms thread? I'd like to become one and want to chat with others who have done it or are also researching it. Thanks!

[SilverLace]

Hi akichan,

I don't know if there is a conversation somewhere else on here but I've been a gestational surrogate twice and I'd be happy to share some of my experiences with you.

[akichan]

Thanks SilverLace! I have a bunch of questions and will send them to you in a PM. Do you know of any other SurroMoms on the board?

[SilverLace]

I'm pretty new here; I don't know of any others. Looking forward to your message.

[Kellyh_01]

Hi,

I'm due any day now with a surrogate baby. This one is a singleton, and I carried surrogate twins 8 years ago. Fire away with your questions - I love to talk about it.

[fancyoats]

i am pregnant with my second child (my own child) but am seriously considering the possibility of being a traditional surrogate (my egg and the partner's sperm) for my brother and his partner after this child that i am carrying is weaned -- so, a couple of years down the road. i think our own family will be complete with two kids -- i don't think i could do it if i didn't feel my family was complete.

i have read a little bit about surrogacy on other forums, and it can be very difficult emotionally, which a lot of people aren't prepared for. i try to tell myself that i will be able to give away a child to my brother because it will always be part of my family and i would still be able to see the child (who would be half my genetic material) and watch it grow and know that my brother and his partner are lovely caring kind and thoughtful people who would be excellent parents. but i also think i would be kidding myself if i think it wouldn't be incredibly difficult, especially postpartum when there is milk and no baby and hormones are crashing etc. i think in the end it will be worth it to give the joy of a child to them, but i am trying to have no illusions about the process.

good luck making your decision. it's a tricky set of emotions and expectations to untangle.

[SilverLace]

IME it was much easier to give a baby to someone I don't know. I think that if I were in a situation where I saw that baby all the time it would raise more questions for me and ache more.

My first surro baby was really easy. I had done a lot of preparation for it and trusted that it was right to let him go since he wasn't mine anyway. I knew his parents had some pretty different philosophies that me about parenting, but they loved him as much as I love DD.

With my second it was harder. Between babies I had gotten married and stated dreaming about my own next baby. I thought it would be fine because it was fine the first time. However, I had some complications in my pregnancy that made me bond to him more. Those two things made it much harder the second time around.

I really think you truly have to let any surro baby go and actively work on it in pregnancy. It boiled down to only being willing to work with loving parents... I didn't feel like I got to ask for much more than that.

And, in the letting go I ended up lucky in many ways. The parents fully supported my home birth, wanted colostrum and breast milk for their baby, and they really tried to understand my experience in bearing their child.

[akichan]

I don't want to use my own eggs.

I don't think I know anyone who needs surrogacy services, so I"m thinking of registering with a company or something. Do you have any advice or recommendations for what to look for in a reputable surrogacy-matching service? And how does it work with your health insurance?

I'm in Hawaii and I wonder if I can do it for someone outside of Hawaii if it turns out there's not much need here. I haven't found a company that specializes in surrogacy here yet.

[heatherdeg]

You don't have to go through an agency. There are websites where you can find IPs (Intended Parents). When we were looking for a surro, that's how we found our GS (it didn't work out--the process landed her in a divorce before we got too far and we halted the search).

And it was nearly impossible to find a crunchy one, so I'd say you have a good shot at finding a match on your own.

[SilverLace]

I have done both private and gone through an agency and I think I can see the upsides (and downsides) of both.

I would strongly recommend using an agency, especially your first time. The agency really serves as a guide to both the IP's and the surrogate. They have the experience with all of the various issues that can come up in the process. And, believe me, they do come up.

When you are carrying a child for someone there are so many conversations about the care of the pregnancy- what kinds of testing, what kinds of vitamins, how many ultrasounds (and it is how many, not if, when you get have IVF).

I worked with a pretty relaxed couple, but we still had to talk about a lot of complex issues and we were both appreciative of the support that the agency we worked with provided.

I worked with The Surrogacy Center in Madison, WI and I would recommend them without reservation.

You will most likely work with a couple from somewhere else- the matches are usually not made on geography but other things (like when you can get pregnant etc, what kind of couples you want to work with, etc.).

Usually with health insurance you use your insurance and they cover any other costs. If you don't have insurance they pay for it for you (although it needs to be purchased ahead of getting pregnant in most cases). In my case I wanted and had home births so they just paid the midwife directly. The ultrasound clinic and the lab I used also agreed to bill them directly (even though it was a different state) so I only had to keep track of my personal covered expenses and we had a system in place for that stuff. It is considered a good advantage if you have insurance that does not rule out surrogate pregnancies, as some do, and that can be more expensive for the IP's.

Hope this is helpful to your process.

[homemademomma]

How wonderful to hear from other surrogates and IPs! I am 5 weeks pregnant with my surrobabe(s??). We transferred two frozen embryos and we have our first ultrasound next week to see if there is one or two.

My biggest recommendation is to go slow. It is SO exciting to get started, but it is worth the wait to find the perfect match. Do not compromise your beliefs- you need to think about things like termination and selective reduction and find IPs who feel the same. You cannot compromise on these issues.

There is TONS of screening to go through, and the process can be really long. I signed contracts last November, had our first (failed) transfer in January, and here we are almost a year later, finally pregnant. I have gone to countless crack-of-dawn appointments, driven 8 hours in one day for a 20 minute appointment, and I am currently on week 7 of huge needle injections. My butt is black and blue! It is NOT a way to make an easy buck!!!!

If you decide to work with an agency, they do not need to be local to you. I found my IPs independently, and we all had laywers and we use an escrow agent as well. The process was not very complicated.

I find amazing information and support on surromomsonline.com/support.

Good luck!

[akichan]

THanks for all the advice! I actually found one surrogacy agency here in Hawaii. Do you think they will hold it against me because I'm a single mom wiht state-paid Medicaid-type insurance? I wonder if Medicaid would even pay for it?

[homemademomma]

Originally Posted by akichan

THanks for all the advice! I actually found one surrogacy agency here in Hawaii. Do you think they will hold it against me because I'm a single mom wiht state-paid Medicaid-type insurance? I wonder if Medicaid would even pay for it?

Medicaid will definitely not pay for it. Your IPs will have to take out a separate insurance policy for you, so keep that in mind when you are thinking about comp. The insurance can be a big expense for IPs! I know that many agencies will not accept surros with any sort of state aid like food stamps or even medicaid. I was rejected by an agency for having Medicaid, but I matched indy with no problem at all.

Also, there are many surros who are single moms, but make sure you have your ducks in a row before you begin the process. You will likely need a lot of help with childcare, especially during cycling! There are tons of early morning appointments during cycling.

eta- I just want to reiterate that you should really visit surromomsonline.com. They have tons of information and a busy forum with lots of knowledgeable surros and IPs.

[riverwed070707]

I am just starting a traditional surrogacy journey for IFs on the east coast.

Not to discourage you, but in my experience, I'm not sure there are any agencies that will take a surro who is on state aid. All of them that I've looked into state it pretty clearly upfront that is a dealbreaker for them.

Of course this doesn't mean you can't be a surro -- you just might have better luck going independent.

One of the first steps you need to take is to research the surrogacy laws in your state. Given that Hawaii is remote and you wouldn't be able to just hop borders to deliver in a different state you need to make sure it's not illegal for you to deliver there or to accept compensation. Some states, like NY, actually fine people for surrogate pregancies. Others just don't recognize surrogacy contracts.

Research. Research. Research and don't rush. GL -- keep us posted!

[roadfamily6now]

You need to find a surrogate named Barb. She traveled to HI twice to give birth as a GS for Japanese couples. She worked through an agency.

How is your research going?
 

Originally Posted by akichan 

I don't want to use my own eggs.

I don't think I know anyone who needs surrogacy services, so I"m thinking of registering with a company or something. Do you have any advice or recommendations for what to look for in a reputable surrogacy-matching service? And how does it work with your health insurance?

I'm in Hawaii and I wonder if I can do it for someone outside of Hawaii if it turns out there's not much need here. I haven't found a company that specializes in surrogacy here yet.

[jmr]

Hi did barb do a homebirth,through a agency?