Where did I go wrong? - Page 2

[confustication]

I also don't give choices before my kids indicate they want them- heck- even my eight year old doesn't really get to choose the activity for the day- that's a mom choice. She does get to choose her clothes, but is notoriously bad at doing so, so I get veto power lol. (Really, the striped rainbow turtleneck sweater over a paisley/pink summer dress? REALLY?! No. )

I think choices are great, but I have been know to remind my kids that our household is NOT a democracy. I am always there to listen, but what the grown-ups decide is what will happen.

[tzs]

oh yeah, IMO choices are not for regular day to day stuff...it's what you fall back on when you find yourself getting into a power struggle.
example, unless i was giving him/her a special day, i don;t see myself giving them a choice of where we go.
it's more a tool you use when you have a resistant toddler.
say....he doesn't want to go to the car...."do you want to walk yourself or do you want me to carry you?"
same with outfits, on a normal day they wouldn;t need a choice. it's if they don't want to put a shirt on at all (which ISNT a choice) that you give them the choice ("do you want the frog shirt or the monkey shirt?") it's more about tricking them out of their resistance and making them think they've made the choice to do something that they had previously refused.