nursing 21 m old and BIL wedding

[jnet24]

So dh's family has always been a little grossed out by nursing, but for the most part never says anything to me about it. But last night I texted BIL to ask if my soon to be SIL's sister still wanted to ride with me with her los instead of the limo. And mentioned that I was glad she would be fine with me nursing since she nurses her 11m old. He texted me back asking if I heard about the NO nursing at the church or bridal table rule. I thought he was joking, we kinda have that tease back and forth relationship. So I responded with it would be immpossible in my dress at the church and I wasnt coming to the reception. Then he said I really couldnt nurse at the table right away and maybe it would be okay late late into the night. Well now I kinda feel sad about the whole thing. Sil seemed awesome about supporting bf, so I really thought BIL was coming around. I dont want to say anything to Dh, bc he just doesnt get it. And he would never say anything anyways. Plus I am kinda torn about the whole thing. Me, DH, and DS are in the wedding but DD is not. My mom is invited to the wedding and she will be taking care of dd when I cant. I kinda feel like it is all bc she is 21m and not a "baby" anymore. But i understand that some people just arent okay with nursing and that it is their wedding so I really should respect their wishes. But the other side of me say that it is BS and that I should be able to nurse anywhere. I never go into another room to nurse, I dont plop down next to people who are uncomfortable, I am small chested so discreet, but I nurse whenever whereever I am, and I hate feeling like I cant.

So what would you do?? I am by no way planning on not going to the reception, I just wonder how others would feel.

[muppet729]

That's a tough situation and a lot of how you handle it depends on your relationship with your nursling (how long does she nurse? how often? will she want to nurse because she is getting tired? is there a chance she'd just want to run around with all the other dancing kids and all that?) and with your family (would they really say something if you did it anyway? would that totally strain your relationship with them? would your dh not support you and it turn in to THE thing to talk about for years to come when referring to the wedding?)

Personally, I could see myself trying to avoid nursing at the bridal table during the speeches and such when all eyes are on the table because it might be distracting. You could tell them that if they really feel that you can't nurse during the reception at the table, then could you be seated somewhere else? It might be that people start wondering why you aren't sitting at the head table and when you tell them why, it makes more of a stink because of that than if they would just let you nurse.

Just some thoughts. Hope it works out for you! With my nurslings, they would have been screaming "I WANT JUG JUICE!" if I refused them at 21 months so that would have been more embarrassing than if I just nursed them

[pumpkinhead]

Personally, I don't feel that anyone can tell me where and when I can nurse and that right is pretty much protected by law (within reason with a few exceptions). That said, at 21 mos, my children were perfectly able to wait to nurse. If it would be logistically difficult to nurse them in a certian item of clothing or if we were sitting in an area that would make BF physically uncomfortable, I would ask them to wait until we could go somewhere else.

Personally, I'd be uncomfortable nursing a 21 month old at the bridal party's table in front of everyone. I'd still be uncomfortable doing it with a newborn, but at that stage, a newborn's hunger trumps my degree of comfort. I don't feel the same about a 21 month old (caveat: who eats some manner of solid food and/or can drink from a cup). I wouldn't bat an eye if someone else did. It's not really an issue of being shy to NIP, but at 21 months, it was a bit of a show with my boys . They liked to play peek-a-boo with Mama's shirt and stick their little legs up underneath it. They'd suck a bit, latch off to look around with milk spray hitting the sides of their little heads and ears etc.

I would feel sad that they were weird about it, but I don't think I'd stress it really. A wedding isn't a public event so, I would try to respect their wishes even if I didn't agree with them.

[jnet24]

My 21 month old pretty much refuses to eat solid foods. She is a very picky eater and will only take a few bites of things she really likes. We are working on this. She will get really upset if I dont nurse her right away. We are working on that too. I wasn't really nursing her while the dinner, speeches, and stuff was going on. But once the focus is off the table I figured it wouldnt be a big deal. I am just sad about the way I was told and the general feelings on nursing. I am pregnant too so i could be over sensitive.