No extracurricular activities = bad mom?

[Hokulele]

DD is 5yo. She's highly sensitive and spirited and any lack of food and/or sleep can lead to all kinds of behavioral issues. She started Kindergarten this year so she's at school five days a week until 3pm.

I always thought I'd be proactive about getting my kids out there, trying new things. We did soccer last year but it was pretty lame and DD didn't get into it. I think she'd enjoy dance or gymnastics, but I worry that she wouldn't really participate - it takes her forever to warm up to something.

But the truth is, I just don't think it is the right time for us. For DD an extra activity on any given day might just set her over the edge. School is already a lot for her - when she comes home we try to stay pretty mellow and focus on keeping the evening on track so she can be in bed and asleep at a reasonable time.

And, while DD's needs in this are the driving force, I have to say everything is so expensive I just can't face paying $xyz for her to sit around on the sidelines of some activity and then have a full meltdown when we get home. Am I a terrible mom for not signing her up for anything this fall???

[meemee]

if my dd was getting out of school at 3 pm neither would i sign her up for any classes after school. that would be way too much for me and my dd. however if it was something dd was really longing for i might consider it. but no a trip to the park after school is extracurricula enough for us.

[limabean]

We didn't enroll DS in any activities (except for a few mommy-and-me classes as a toddler) until the summer between kindergarten and first grade. Kindergarten was a big enough change for him.

Now that he's in first grade he has swimming lessons and soccer, each once a week, and it's a great fit for him now but would have been too much for all of us last year.

[DariusMom]

Goodness no! You're not a terrible mom! You're a great mom for recognizing and understanding your DD and the phase she's in right now. You respect that and work with it.

Starting full-day kindy is a Big Deal and really tough on kids. Sounds like she needs time to unwind and adjust.

If she shows an interest in other activities in the next few years then great. But lots of activities do not equal good parenting (and I say that as a mom with a 7 year old who actually is in a fair number of activities that he really wants to be in). Keep reading your DD's cues and you all will be fine!

[Norasmomma]

I think that for many kids they just do too.darn.much. There is way too much emphasis on doing sports, activities and such. Then coupled with immense amounts of homework too, I think kids need downtime more than many think.

[34me]

I think you are listening to her. My oldest is 16 and although we have tried things here and there with her she has yet to really find her passion so she doesn't really do anything outside the house. She enjoys writing immensely so is taking several classes in HS and she likes being in bed by 9. It's what still works for her.

[EdnaMarie]

I think activities should be child-led. If your daughter is sensitive you are doing the right thing not signing her up. A full day of kindergarten is a lot for most kids! And I'm a mom with a kid in several activities most of the time. That's what she needs. I would not think less of any mom doing fewer activities with her kid.

Sometimes, less is really more. You're showing restraint. Good for you!

[LynnS6]

Listening to your child's needs = good mom

You know your daughter. If she's exhausted at the end of the day, why drag her out again?

Our ds is slow to warm up, sensitive and a bit of an introvert. He NEEDED down-time after school. Actually he needed time to process his day. He played school every single day after school in 1st grade. He would reenact his day. he wouldn't do it on weekends because there had been no school.

He was in 3rd grade before he was ready for after school activities. And really waiting until 4th grade would have been better -- now he's requesting them.

Our second child also needs down time, but not as much. So, she's in piano (meets Saturday morning) and we're going to try an evening gymnastics class. It's once a week, from 7-8 pm (which will probably screw up bedtime royally...).

[eepster]

The number of activities a child is signed up for is a very poor way to determined the quality of parenting the receive.

To begin with, it assumes that there is a perfect number of activities for all children. So, it is assumed that little Susie, who only has one activity over the summer, is deprived; but Billy, who does several thing all year long, is over scheduled and being deprived of a childhood. The reality for the Susies and Billys of the world is more likely that they simply have different personalities, desires, family situations, social lives, etc, etc. There is not one single particular number of activities that is right, so your doing none for the moment certainly isn't automatically wrong.

You have outline well thought out reasons that you think right now isn't the best time for your DD to be starting new activities. It's not like you have a sad little girl sitting around at home all day begging you to sign her up for stuff that is easily within you budget and schedule. She is busy adjusting to K, she wasn't all that into the activities she did over the summer, etc.

By saving the money, you will have it for possible activities this spring when she is settled into school more and maybe is a bit more used to groups. If she still doesn't seem to want/need activities this spring, then you'll have more money for summer activities (which could be family trips if she isn't interested in organized teams/classes.)

[4evermom]

Goodness no! Wait until she asks for extracurricular activities, lol. My ds was very similar at 5. I felt like everything needed to revolve around his eating and sleeping or he'd fall apart.

[shayinme]

Of course not. I am in the same boat, my girl started kindy a few weeks ago and its full day granted she had been in PS previously but kindy is different IMO. I thought we would sign up for dance and drama since last year she liked dance class but I feel like after getting out of school especially since she gets up far earlier than she used to, after school time is about just chillin out.

I was looking at the dance schedule and dance class is at almost 5 pm which means on dance night our evening routine would be thrown off. In our case I think my girl would enjoy the classes but I think it would also create havoc since she would lose valuable down time.

Like others I think that may change in a few years though.

[PatchChild]

Good mom!!! Downtime is the best thing for kids. School will keep her jumping and running through enough hoops for a while. When she starts to ask, that's when you offer.

[Alison's Mom]

I worried about the same thing. DD is 5.75 and just started grade 1 which is full days, whereas K was 1/2 days last year. We're going to do piano one day after school and ballet on Sat mornings. In the summer, we had lots of spare time to take classes, so there was gymnastics, swimming and bike camp, but with school being so long each day, she's tired by 3pm and I didn't want to overschedule her even though she would probably like to add gymnastics and ice skating to the mix.

I think it's great you are so aware of your child's needs, and limiting activities in order to not overwhelm her.

[mistymama]

You are FAR from a bad Mom!

We tried both t-ball and soccer with ds (weekend activties, not after school) and those were just not a good fit.

We've just now found something he really, really likes - Fencing! It's Tues & Thurs for an hour in the evening, and while it's a pain in the rear to schedule homework and dinner around it, it's worth it because he enjoys it so much. But he's almost 8 and this is one of the first activities he's really done.

I think down time is VERY important and kids are way too overscheduled these days. There is nothing wrong with waiting until she asks or shows interest in something before trying it.

[MacKinnon]

Not a bad mom at all! My DD had full day kindergarten last year as well, she's always been a high-needs child and I suspected the full days would be very demanding emotionally, and physically. She left home at 8:30am and didn't get back until nearly 4:30pm. We decided not do any after school activities. However, she begged to be in Daisy Scouts. It was every other week, immediately after school for an hour. They didn't do field trips, just an hour of snack, crafts, etc. She made new friends and had fun, it was a good low-pressure commitment. So, we're off to first grade and we've added Gymnastics one day a week and are considering swimming on Saturday as well.

Best of luck finding your balance!

[mattemma04]

My kids are not in any classes.They are TIRED after school.Some kids want to go to classes after school.Mine did like to swim,but hated swim classes so we had a Y membership for a while. I like places were we could go when we wanted too,but not feel stressed if we missed a class. I liked martial arts,but you really could not miss a class.

Even just going to a bounce-around-place would be better than a class.Lets them run,climb,slide to let off the pent up energy.