Second chance

[PeachBaby]

If you had a second chance to re-do parenting all over from the beginning, with the advantage of hindsight, what aspect(s) of parenting would you most definitely change?

[ckberkey]

If I could do it over again, I would have DH work a normal schedule. It was really stressfull for all of us when he worked nights.

[ChetMC]

Not Much

I wouldn't change much.

I've always said that I wish I'd been a couple years younger when I'd started having kids, but it's not a big deal.

It took us a long time to figure out that our second DD has trouble unwinding and getting enough sleep. If we went back now, we would be more sensitive to the fact that she was extremely tired. Wow, the December that she was 27 months was bad and at the time we had no clue why.

[pregnant@40]

My child is now 6, so I haven't been a parent that long. But pregnant w/ the second. I would stress less, relax, and enjoy more. Also, I would really understand how fast childhood passes.

[St. Margaret]

hmm not go back to work at 2 years? I had to b/c of the economy and all, but it really changed our relationship and it's so beautiful now that we're together all day again. I'm telling myself it will always be in DD's mind that mamas go to work, too, which is good. And she and DH had a lovely year together, which was good. But neither of us was really ready at that point, too early for us. It was so hard, and it led our family away from some of the unconditional approaches that work really well for us. We're getting back there, tho. Oh, and it would have meant DD wouldn't have gotten so much super-girly "ladies" "girls are like THIS" anti-feminisit garbage from MIL, who took advantage while I was at work to push that outlook on DD, along with new plastic liscenced toys weekly. DH finally got on top of that, just as I was getting off work finally...

[nextcommercial]

Nutrition! Without a doubt, I would completely change how I fed her. I would also make sure she wasn't exposed to so many chemicals.

I wish I'd had the internet back then.

[nextcommercial]

By the way, I love this post!

[Tway]

DD's only 11 months, but I guess I'd try to worry a lot less. That said, I still worry too much. I'd go back and reassure myself that it does, in fact, eventually start to get better.

I definitely wish I knew more about AP before DD was born--especially the benefits of cosleeping. It would have saved me a lot of guilt and given me some perspective when the visiting nurse tsk-tsked it. But I have friends who coslept and I used t tsk-tsk it, too.

In the end, it's all about live and learn, so I guess I wouldn't really change a thing.

[Drummer's Wife]

I wish I had nursed my first two for more than a year. I was convinced they had self-weaned - which I know now, isn't really what happened.

I'll have to come back; I'm certain there are several things I wish I could have done differently from the beginning.

[momtoTnT]

Originally Posted by pregnant@40

My child is now 6, so I haven't been a parent that long. But pregnant w/ the second. I would stress less, relax, and enjoy more. Also, I would really understand how fast childhood passes.

My oldest is 6 too - and I agree with all of this, plus:

I would have tried harder/figured out a way to stay home. I would have BF'd my first exclusively (we had no issues, I was just not that educated) and for much longer than I did.

I would have learned more about AP and GD early on.

The thing I wish I would have done the most though, is get help for my PPD after my second was born much sooner. I waited way too long, and it nearly ruined my marriage. I was not able to be a good mom to my kids during that time.

[GuildJenn]

Originally Posted by pregnant@40

My child is now 6, so I haven't been a parent that long. But pregnant w/ the second. I would stress less, relax, and enjoy more. Also, I would really understand how fast childhood passes.

This exactly, including the pregnancy except my son is 5.

But to add - I am not sorry I went back to work...I had to learn to trust the world in order to give it to my son. What I regret a lot about his earliest days is that I let fear keep me more closed in than our family needed to be.

[mtiger]

My two are 16 & 18, and I've been divorced for 12 years. I have to say that I wouldn't do anything differently, given the chance. It hasn't been an easy road, but my kids rock.

[TiredX2]

Honestly, I would have had my children further apart. We're only going to have two and had them 2.5 years apart. I would have rather had them like 7-8 years apart and had the entire young childhood one on one. I think I would have been a better parent to each of them, as well.

[lilyka]

I would have relaxed more. been less controlling about how people outside our family were with her. I also would have been more open to things like loose schedules and remembering that you can't parent by the book...any book. even an AP one. Every child is different and every family is different and you just have do what works best for everyone.

[LauraLoo]

I would have *listened* to my gut and developed a thicker skin to shrug off unwanted advice. I would have worried a lot less and been much more patient with the process of early childhood. I would have spent more time than I already did hugging and kissing and playing, and less time in front of the computer trying to figure out where I was going wrong and where I might go wrong in the future.

[Norasmomma]

I would have *tried* to enjoy my DD's toddler years a bit more, but honestly, I really don't know if that would be possible given her activity level and my hard pregnancy with my son. I did a few things I feel pretty bad about, I broke one of DD's toys in an exhausted fit. I said "not now honey" too many times, but I was just too.darn.tired. to do much of anything.

I am honestly such a better mom to 2.

[Tway]

Originally Posted by LauraLoo

I would have spent more time than I already did hugging and kissing and playing, and less time in front of the computer trying to figure out where I was going wrong and where I might go wrong in the future.

Amen.

(Yet here I am again... )

[Devaskyla]

Way too many things, starting with ignoring the nurse at the hospital & trusting my instincts to wait for labour to start before going to the hospital with ds1. I would have done so much different with him. A better baby carrier, more hugs, less criticism, trying harder to get him back to nursing during the day when he had a nursing strike at 11 months (he only ever nursed for naps & bedtime after I finally got him nursing again); doing more to get him off the nipple shield when he was younger. I'd have been more diligient brushing ds2's teeth. He has a lip tie & I didn't notice I wasn't getting the top ones, he also had an enamel defect & wound up having 4 teeth pulled at 2 yrs old.

And I would have made sure to get dh to do at least 1 bedtime a week from 3 months or so on with all the kids. I got so burnt out by the time ds2 was a couple years old.

[CrazyCatLady]

Well thanks to my hippy family and MDC, I did most of the AP stuff "right". So no huge regrets there. Nutrition I could have done a bit better with.

I could nit pick myself to death, but really I should have been older before having kids. That would have prevented the majority of the regrets that I have now. Having kids older than 19 would have probably prevented most of the things that are currently going bad as well.

[A&A]

I would have bf'd my dd longer. She only got a few months, because I had to go back to work. But I got smart with my ds and pumped, and I was able to breastfeed him until he was 2. He's a much healthier child.

And I would have run like heck from that episiotomy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!