How long from first book to full sleep at bedtime?

[LCBMAX]

This Q is from my husband. Our routine is that after mamamilk and toothbrushing, son and husband read and cuddle and sing til son falls asleep. It often takes an hour til husband can sneak out of the bed. Sleep comes sooner, but husband won't sneak out til it's a sure deal.

So if you do this (without nursing) or if your partner does it, how long from the start of books to sneak-away time?

[LadyCatherine185]

We have a similar nighttime routine, but in a different order... we read books/sit on the couch for a little while (usually just to signal that it is time to wind down) and I tell DS "bedtime is in a few minutes." Then we brush teeth, put on jammies, and DH takes DS into his bedroom and they sit on the bed and cuddle until DS is asleep. The last part usually takes anywhere from 15-30 minutes.

[aslmere]

Considering we read 10-12 books a night. I would say at least 45 min.

We put 7 yr old in bed at about 8:15. He cuddles in bed with daddy and I for about 15 min and then goes to his own bed without issue.
Then I start in with the 2 yr old
He and I read all the books in our library bag and maybe 1 or 2 more special books from our shelf every night.
Then we say "good night stories" and sing and cuddle until he is asleep.
Reading more stories really has helped shorten the time it actually takes to fall asleep.
I am pretty sure though that he is never all the way asleep before 9-9:15.
(Unless he didn't get a nap that day and then bedtime is a completely different story!)
Since I am pregnant, I usually fall asleep with him. But when I do manage to stay awake I can usually sneak out by 9:30. I do wish it was shorter. But it is shorter than it used to be and it seems to work for all of us without much fuss.

So tell your dh that the hour isn't unusual

[justKate]

I wish I could say that its faster for us. DD is 18 months.

We do the bath/teeth routine, then get in bed. Blackout curtains, one 15 watt lightbulb. DD gets two boardbooks and looks at them; I read them to her sometimes and we cuddle. As soon as I can without her screaming, I turn the light off and roll over and "pretend" to sleep. I find the more I mess with her (touch her, nuzzle, tell her to keep her hands out of her diaper, tell her to lay down) the longer it takes. I try to regulate my breathing and lower my heart rate. She will toss and turn and "read" in the dark and eventually cuddle against my back. It will take anywhere from 1/2 hour to two hours (like last night). I think part of the problem is that she is not getting enough exercise every day and is napping too late in the day ('till 4:00 yesterday).

I try to have all of the necessary stuff done before I lie down with her. And then I get up at 5:00.

I hope it gets easier for you, but at the same time, I don't think it sounds bad to spend an hour on it. And i know what he means by making sure sleep is a sure thing--there is not much worse than sneaking out of the bedroom door right as your toddler says "mama?"

[ellemenope]

For over a year now we have been doing reading, teeth, bed. She lies down with me in bed. I usually call my mom, and we chat.

It usually takes me not longer than 45 minutes to sneak out. We would go through long phases of it taking much less, like 15 minutes. We have had many nights where it took 5 minutes.

Just recently DD had some sort of 'enlightenment' about not wanting to go to sleep. It is really frustrating. The last couple of nights it has taken much longer. Last night it took me 2 hours. It is just unacceptable. Luckily for her, DH is away so I am able to focus on her, but if he were here I would be feeling major resentment about her keeping me away from him.

I am also jealous of DHs putting kids to sleep. If it takes me longer than 45 minutes, we usually switch out (if he is here), but then DH falls asleep with her because the poor guy is so tired, and we get no alone time.

[YayJennie]

We have a similar routine...bath if needed, brush teeth, PJs, and then grab blanket and soothie and settle in the rocking chair for a few books. I generally don't read more than 3-4 books before bed, then we turn out the lights, and I sing a few lullabies while rocking my son. If he's not asleep in the rocking chair within 15 minutes (and I do the same thing...he has to be really asleep before I'll put him down), then I'll lay with him in bed (I get too uncomfortable in the rocking chair now because I'm 7 months pregnant, otherwise we'd stay and rock). He is *usually* asleep enough for me to leave the room within 15 minutes after we finish reading. But he's passed out in as little as 3 minutes, and some nights it can take an hour. My son is almost 18 months and we've been doing this routine since he started sleeping in his own bed...about 5 months ago.

[honeybunmom]

My 17 mos old is getting up to 45 minutes these days. This is an increase for him. I would recommend reading not more than 1 book if you can get away from it. It may be that he is becoming overstimulated from the variety, believe it or not. Certainly giving it a try won't hurt in the long run.

[aslmere]

Originally Posted by honeybunmom

My 17 mos old is getting up to 45 minutes these days. This is an increase for him. I would recommend reading not more than 1 book if you can get away from it. It may be that he is becoming overstimulated from the variety, believe it or not. Certainly giving it a try won't hurt in the long run.

I really have found the exact opposite for us. When we were just reading one or two books it was too little time for him to get himself from playing mode to calm mode. Reading more books has shortened the time it actually takes to fall asleep. The ENTIRE bedtime routine still is at least an hour. But after the last book is read he is now ready to lay down and rest. I don't have to keep telling him to lay down or pull him back up onto the bed.
It gives his brain the time it needs to shift modes.

I read about trying to read more stories in "the no cry sleep solution for toddlers and preschoolers"

[LadyCatherine185]

For Liam the reason books in the living room BEFORE bedtime routine work is because he has to start winding down before he gets tired. He gets tired at about 9, so we start books/quiet play around 8-8:30. And we do it on the couch because bed=sleep. And DH has to hold him on the bed to get him to go to sleep, if we let him lay by himself he will toss and turn for an hour or more before falling asleep. It always takes ME about an hour to get him to sleep for bedtime, but he goes to sleep for DH much quicker.

[LCBMAX]

Well this is all very reassuring. I'm listening to them right now, babbling away to each other, and their voices are getting very sleepy, but son still seems to have plenty to say (as always.)

I think I'll let husband know about the possibility that reading in the bed is not so helpful - they could definitely read in a cozy spot in the same room, and slither on into the bed when books are done - that might really help.

(I'm impressed to notice that LadyCat - you have such a peaceful sounding bedtime going on, especially since you've had such hard sleep issues in other ways. I know you've worked at this!)

Thanks all!

[taramoon13]

just wanted to say that i was about to post almost the exact same question. ds is 3 and i am gently trying to wean him off nursing to sleep. sounds like we do the same as you- read a few books, then nurse and i will ask him if he's ready to get tucked in before he falls asleep while nursing. once he gets in bed he always insists that i sit right there with him and it seems like anywhere from 30 min.-1 hr. til he's asleep. i never check the clock, but i will next time. it takes him a while to fidget around and he also likes to lay there and quietly talk to himself which i think is his way of winding down, so i try to leave him be. i feel like it's a major accomplishment that he's going to sleep without nursing, so if it takes him a bit longer that's ok, i know things will change!

[MountainMamaGC]

My DD gets her teeth brushed and a story. If she is not tired, I tell her to tell her bear what she did today and what she wants to do tomorrow. She will talk to him for 5 min and then crash. She has been like that since she was 18 months old. She never really needed us to stay with her until she fell asleep. I am lucky though. My daughter loves to sleep. She will put herself down for naps sometimes. I will check up on her in her room to find she tucked herself in.

[MamaPhD]

DD is 21 months. Our routine really starts right after dinner (done with dinner by 6:30pm) when we do quiet activities, usually either playdoh at the dinner table or reading/playing in the den (until 7 -7:30pm dep on bath). This really helps set the mood for the real bedtime routine in her bedroom.

We sit in the rocking chair & read 2-3 books while she drinks her soy milk sippy cup. We turn the light off (just night light now), then talk about our day in rocking chair. I sing some songs and then put her down in the crib. We say our night night & DD usually asks me for another song. Total maybe 20 minutes. DD usually falls asleep right away, but sometimes reads to herself & talks to her plush "friends" for 10 min before she's out. She was able to fall asleep on her own since before she turned one, so I never stay with her until she is out.

[LadyCatherine185]

Originally Posted by LCBMAX

(I'm impressed to notice that LadyCat - you have such a peaceful sounding bedtime going on, especially since you've had such hard sleep issues in other ways. I know you've worked at this!)

yes he finally seems to be ok with going to sleep and he isn't resisting it like he used to. Part of it I think is because all of his teeth (including 2 year molars) are finally in.. part of it is probably our consistency and I think we finally found a bedtime routine that REALLY works. Of course we have our rough nights, but those are usually because we were out too late and he got too wound up, etc.. Good luck!