If DS doesn't start potty training soon I am going to lose my mind!!!!!

[tylerdylan]

DS2 is 3 years plus 2 months old. He mostly refuses to even sit on his potty. He has NEVER done anything in the potty. He has no concept of how to control his body. He was wearing training pants today, the kind wear the picture disappears if they pee, and he peed 5 times in the span of 4 hours. That seems like too much! I've tried naked, I've tried underwear, I've tried bribing....nothing works.
So, I know everyone is going to say well it sounds like he's just not ready. But really? Not ready when he is over 3 years old??? My mother is shocked because of course all her kids were 100% trained before their second birthday and I can't even get one single pee!!! And I hear about it too much.
Honestly it shouldn't be that big of a deal. I know that. So, I keep throwing away perfectly good and needed money on diapers because he is stubborn. But it makes me angry. I've had enough of changing diapers.
DS1 is VERY sick and I just don't need this added stress in my life. I just want one thing to be easy for me right now. My emotions are out of control as it is and all I want is a 3 year old who is potty trained. Is that too much to ask for?

Any suggestions are most welcome. I'm verging on a nervous breakdown with dealing with DS1 and his health. Should I just accept that he isn't ready to potty train and put the potty away for awhile? Should I keep it out and talk about it but not have him "try" to use it? Should I persist with the training pants?? I got tired of cleaning up pee off my couch and floors. I'm not doing the naked or underpants thing again until he has one successful potty attempt because it's just getting nasty. PLEASE HELP!!!!

[ellemenope]

Yes, please take a break. He may be ready, he may not, but it seems you need to think of what's best for your whole family.

Your DS1 is sick, and DS2 is either not ready or using the toilet as his power struggle with you. Please keep what little attention you can give DS2 positive.

Just keep him in diapers and not worry about any of it. If anyone gives you a hard time tell them to just STFU!

[TiredX2]

For your entire families sake, I really encourage you to take a break from potty training. Make it quite a long break--- do you think you could do six months? And just don't do ANYTHING about potty training in that time. Nothing. No references. Just let it go. I know it will be hard, but if you can I think it will be a lot better.

How verbal is DS? With DD she was really interested in potty learning for like a weekend and then was just done. She agreed she would be potty trained appx 6 months later (for my birthday, lol) and we didn't do anything about potty training for those next six months. Then the day before my birthday she started going in the toilet and that was basically it

If you are concerned financially, could you consider cloth?

[EdnaMarie]

I'm sorry about your DS1.

So, you can let it go. That is an option and not a shameful one, no matter what anyone says.

Otherwise, my suggestions (considering your level of desperation):

If your mom wants to train him, let her (provided she won't spank). "Mom, I know he's ready, but he chose this battle. If you can win, go for it. I'm losing right now and I don't want to fight over his anal sphincter right now. I want to focus on DS1."

I'm far from an expert in late toilet training, but here's one more thing to try: pre-school that will take him with diapers. Explain the situation, explain that you're willing to do (almost) anything, let them know that he needs to see other kids doing it, and ask them to help.

Do it often enough that he'll get the picture- a few four-hour days so he can see other kids going potty. So his teachers have time to gently offer the toilet at the same time as they offer others.

That may help. I think that the set-up of mom-kids-only in our society, where kids have one authority figure, or one set (mom and dad), does not help at all with the ages when they are testing authority. They don't realize it's a social thing. They think it's personal.

[maddymama]

Hi Mama,
I agree with pps, take a huge break from pottying. A huge break! It doesn't matter that you (or your MIL) think he's old enough, he's probably stressed out by his older brother's illness, too, and this might be one of his ways of showing it.
When it's time to move forward with pottying (in a calm and peaceful way), is there anyone he can watch go potty? His father, older brother, good 3 year old friend?
After that, can you just try to catch one pee a day for awhile? For a few months, I only tried to get DD1 to sit on the potty right after she woke up in the am, bc I knew she'd pee within a minute or two, be successful and confident, and I could truthfully tell busybodies that we were potty learning. After a while I added the one right after napping, and then I added the one right before bed. I just tried to start with the times I knew DD1 would go potty rather quickly, so she could be successful, be praised, and it would be low stress on my end.
Good luck!
~maddymama

[Girlprof]

Take a break. Our DS trained at around 3 years 4 months. I had asked him a couple of times if he wanted to work on it and he always said no. I bought him some underwear with somebody cool on it and he said no. Friends, our parents, PS teachers, etc., were all saying, when is he going to do this? He responded by claiming that everyone actually wore diapers: all his friends, his grandparents, every superhero - they all wore diapers, according to DS.

Luckily, I was just too busy to worry too much about it and we waited. One day he woke up and asked for the underwear. He had a ton of accidents for one day. The next day he was done with diapers forever. No more dipes at naptime, no more dipes for sleeping, just done. We also didn't have to ask him if he needed to go, he just went.

I'm sorry DS1 is so sick. I would seriously just drop the potty stuff for now. You say you want one thing to be easy for you and who can blame you for that. But the easy way out in this case is probably to stop the potty training entirely. I would put everything away - the potty, the training pants, the whole thing. Don't even bring it up.

When the busybodies ask about when your son is going to potty train, you could try one of these:

He'll let us know when he's ready.

I'm not ready because I have enough on my plate right now.

He does things on his own timetable.

The pediatrician said to let him initiate it [not true, but would probably get most people to butt out.]

[MyBoysBlue]

If your Mom or MIL or even a good friend is willing to take him for a few days of intesive potty learning I would go for it. Provided they aren't going to use punisments. Sometimes it has to just be someone else because of the power struggle and the stress you seem to be dealing with with your sick LO. I handed my DS1 over to my Mom for training. We started at 2 years and when by 3 he was almost just as untrained as when we started I gave up and took a break then My Mom took him for a long weekend and it all clicked for him. My second son just got it right away almost all on his own at 2. Kids are just all so different.

[tylerdylan]

Thanks everyone. I think taking yet another break from this is probably best. I am beyond frustrated and at least if I decide we are done trying for now then it should be less frustrating for me when I have to change another diaper. I hope.

I don't have time to quote everyone, but I am a stay-at-home mom (I had to quit my job to take care of DS1), so having his daycare teachers train him won't work. I'd love for my mom and all her apparent skills to teach him, but she lives too far away and I rarely see her.
As for the cloth diapers, I had him in cloth diapers up until about 6 months ago when he outgrew his mediums. By that point I was pretty much done with dealing with the laundry and other messy issues that come with cloth diapering anyways and didn't want to pay for the next size up...of course that was when I was sure he'd potty train soon so it would be a waste of money....

My husband is convinced he is developmentally behind because he won't potty train and that makes dealing with it even tougher. DS1 has a brain tumour and one of the main symptoms to look for is developmental issues so things like this cause unnecessary and unneeded panic in our house!

[ellemenope]

OMG, you poor thing.

Originally Posted by tylerdylan

DS1 has a brain tumour and one of the main symptoms to look for is developmental issues so things like this cause unnecessary and unneeded panic in our house!

I wouldn't even go there. Easier said than done though, right.

Here:

Potty training stats:

04% by age 2
22% by age 2.5
60% by age 3
88% by age 3.5
98% by age 4

70% of girls are trained by 3, versus only 50% of boys.

And some more trivia

[MamieCole]

DS1 wasn't potty trained until 3 1/2 or so. From the time he was about 3, I got a little crap from my mom about it: "He can't be 5 and still in diapers. They won't let him go to school in diapers." "Just make him sit there til he uses it." And the best one: "If he doesn't go in the potty, spank him."

I replied with "Thanks for your input, but that doesn't work for our family."

We never pushed. We'd ask him every now and then. We'd encourage him to sit. If he resisted we dropped it immediately. We just didn't focus on it as being a problem. When he was about 3 1/2, one day out of the blue I asked if he'd like to wear underwear during the day. He said "Sure." I reminded him frequently that he was wearing underwear and not a diaper throughout the day, had him sit on the potty frequently, etc. He's been in underwear ever since and has only peed his pants twice since then and has not pooped his underwear at all.

Taking a break is probably the best for everyone involved. And like a PP said, just tell everyone to MTOB.

Yes, changing 3 year old poopy diapers is stinky and gross. But really, so is emptying 3 year old poop out of a little potty.

Hang in there. There will be a better time to potty train him. Now is not that time.

[RaeDyCo]

DS1 is 3 years 3 months and he has no desire to go potty 95% of the time. He will occasionally ask to go (standing up only) pee, absolutely refuses to go poop anytime.

I have tried every technique out there and finally DH & I just agreed that he is not ready. I think he will be one of those kids who just decides one day that he is ready and nothing will push it any earlier!

I hope your DS1 gets better soon.

[Devaskyla]

My oldest trained a few months before ds2 was born, so around 3 1/2. My middle trained around 4. Really hoping I can get ds3 to train a lot younger, but it's not the end of the world if he doesn'tt.

[NewMoonMum]

I definitely agree to take a break!
That all sounds SO stressful, I am so sorry!
I don't know how it would be possible to PT while you are so frustrated and otherwise under stress. My DS was more than ready by the time we finally started(he was 27 months), and we waited a while until I was ready, too!! He had been talking about using the potty since before his second birthday-but I SAH and would be doing the training, and YOU have to be ready for it.
Even with him being ready, it was very stressful.
So doing it when you're so taxed could just A-make you even more nuts and B-set him up to be even more staunchly anti-potty.

Hopefully you can find a way to get your mother to back off-last thing you need is another headache!

[kcstar]

Hi mama!

I couldn't read your thread and not post. Big hugs for dealing with your DS1 and a 3-year-old.

My DS just turned 3, and we haven't really been able to start him pottylearning yet. Lately he insists he wants diapers, not underwear or training pants. (Elmo with Elmo diapers, at that!)

One of the reasons I've been slower to work on training him is because our family has been under stress. My mother died in January, and my mother-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer about the same time. Stressful times are just not good times for giving up something familiar, whether it be breast, diapers, or binky.

I mostly-weaned DS this summer, and I almost wonder if I did it backwards. We'd been working on potty-learning, but I think travelling up to the grandma's set it back a bit. I suspect on some level DS is worried about Granny's health. And we are a long drive away from Granny.

I find myself both wishing we were closer and could help more with my MIL's health... and grateful that, most of the time, we can focus on caring for DS.

I agree with PPs who say, take a break. Your situation is much more stressful than mine, and I would encourage you to focus on the crisis at hand (DS1s health). DS2 also needs your attention, but right now, in your situation, I would let what can wait, wait.

[ssh]

My DD didn't start using the toilet until she was over 3.5. She didn't want to have anything to do with the potty, but did like the padded potty seat that fits on the toilet. We didn't try to 'train' her. We just told her what it was for and had bought her underwear. Once she started using the toilet we didn't have any issues or accidents. Be patient your DS will use the potty or toilet when he's ready and that happens for different kids at different times.

[tylerdylan]

Originally Posted by ellemenope

OMG, you poor thing.



I wouldn't even go there. Easier said than done though, right.

Here:

Potty training stats:

04% by age 2
22% by age 2.5
60% by age 3
88% by age 3.5
98% by age 4

70% of girls are trained by 3, versus only 50% of boys.

And some more trivia

Awesome! Thanks
I am so sending this to my mom!!!!

[tylerdylan]

Thanks everyone. We packed up the potty, training pants and underwear. DS2 was happy!!!
This is best for us right now. Thanks for the advice and for the reassurance that he is normal and still on track

[Turquesa]

Originally Posted by tylerdylan

Thanks everyone. We packed up the potty, training pants and underwear. DS2 was happy!!!
This is best for us right now. Thanks for the advice and for the reassurance that he is normal and still on track

I needed this thread as much as you did.