Hugs. Starting daycare is hard. Separation anxiety is very very common and completely normal. It would be weirder if she didn't have any sign of separation anxiety. You know that everyone that says that it's cos she's too attached to you are full of poop. I know you know that, but thought I would toss that out there. It's hard when there's a bunch of naysayers surrounding you- it taps into our insecurities as parents and that we've done something that has harmed our kids.
It will get better, I promise. But there are some things that you can do to ease the transition. Elizabeth Pantley (of No Cry Sleep Solution) has a new book out about separation anxiety that might be worth checking out- lots of ideas and tips. Another book that I liked is The Emotional Life of the Toddler- she has a section on separation anxiety that I found really useful.
Here's some of the things that we do (my daughter started daycare at 18 months, and is now 23 months):
*talk about daycare before we go there. In a calm voice when you have plenty of time, what sorts of things they do there, calling teachers by name and other kids too if she's got any "friends", talk about how you will come back to pick her up at the end of the day (or 4 hours or whatever) and what you will do after daycare.
*let her take a lovey with her. Thalia didn't actually take to a lovey until about 2 months ago. But now I give the lovey (a little bear) a kiss and tell her, "When you miss Mami you can kiss Osito and know that Mami is giving you a kiss back."
*Don't sneak away. Again in a calm voice, when you are at daycare tell her that you are going to say "bye bye" now (or whatever), tell her it's okay for her to be upset, that you love her every second that you are apart. And then say "Good-bye." AND GO. Drawing it out does not help.
*We have a book by Elizabeth Verdick, "Bye Bye Time" that is all about separation anxiety and daycare. Thalia loves to read this, your daughter may be a little young but it can't hurt
There's lots of suggestions at the back too.
*Put together a little photo album of pictures taken at the daycare (some daycares won't let you take your own photos but will give you some of their own if you ask). Then you can look at the album when you are home and talk about daycare, how much she likes it, etc.
I wouldn't be too afraid of the "anger" that she's expressing- it seems to me that she's processing what's going on and uses emotion to do that, as do all toddlers (what other recourse do they have?). Let her express her anger or whatever emotion she might be having and validate validate validate.
Hope this helps. Hang in there. I won't tell you that Thalia's separation anxiety has gone away completely BUT it is a lot better. She just cries a little bit at drop-off but then has a good time and talks about her friends and teachers all the time
