'My Mom Told Me' - and other bad advice - Page 4

[katroshka]

My dh called his (crazy) brother last night to wish him happy birthday, and they got to talking about our house and bedroom setup for some reason. I guess dh told him the baby would be sleeping with us, because BIL was like "Oh, no... DON'T let her have the baby sleep with you, I let my wife do that and we couldn't get our daughter out until she was 3.5! Don't let her!" I asked dh if he told him that I had both my daughters (from a previous marriage) cosleep and they haven't slept in bed with me since they were 3 and 2, respectively. And they were mostly out of my bed for about a year before that. He hadn't, alas. Not that I think every kid needs to be out of bed at a certain time... but no, cosleeping with your babies does not doom you to never ending cosleeping.

And don't you hear stories a lot about kids wanting to always sleep with their parents, even when they haven't been raised cosleeping? My kids haven't wanted to sleep with me for like a million years.

I don't get why it's so hard for people to understand that a young child that was nurtured and allowed to feel secure and pampered will grow into a child that will seek his or her freedom and independence.

Luckily I have two fine specimens to show off these days, so I get a lot less of this than when they were the babies in question!

[myk]

heh.. my nearly 6 year old still crawls in with me every night. if she had her way she'd always be in with me, period. i kept her in a cradle beside my bed til 3 months (when she was too heavy for it) and in a crib in the next room for the next 2 years. i started cosleeping cause it was the only way i could get any sleep at all.. apparently having her in the OTHER room didn't stop her from wanting to cosleep forever either!

[Maevankayt]

My mum was a military nurse for her entire adult life and developed some really strange ideas surrounding birth. I don't have any children yet, but we talked about it a lot while I was a volunteer doula.

1. That I should expect to have an episiotomy. When I explained to her that they weren't actually common place anymore, she told me straight up that I was wrong and that they were "better than that awful tearing". Sigh.

2. She told me that if I ever had a home birth, that she would show up and drag me to the hospital. She was 100% convinced that home births were reckless and would result in my death and the baby's. (The first birth I attended was a home birth, and she was absolutely scandalized)

3. She was definitely in the "Cry it out" group.

As you can imagine, we would butt heads on the subject A LOT.

[momasana]

My mom told me it was okay to let my baby cry a little because that would teach him that he is okay without mama. ??? I asked her to explain the logic and she couldn't.

A coworker told me the best way to get a good nap when DS was a newborn was to put him in a swing in another room and turn off the monitor.

[mommaklo]

I havent even peeked in here since I gave birth, but this is hilarious. In a sad sort of way. My kicker is when a woman with two grown (in their 30s) boys told me that when she brought her first home from the hospital, she gave him a mix of bananas, formula (or breastmilk, cant remember), and rice cereal THAT NIGHT!!!! She was bragging when she said he then slept 5 hrs. Im surprized the guy doesnt have a colostomy bag and a hole in his stomach. Give me my sleepless nights, that bordered on child abuse to me.

[guest123456]

It's not bad advice but EVERY time my mom and I get off the phone, she tells me "Remember, don't EVER shake your baby!" Right mom... she tells me every time! And I never even get angry, I don't know where the need to say this comes from.

[lunarlady]

My mother told me "having your child in your bed will ruin your sex life. Don't you want more kids?". For a child of the 60's, she isn't very imaginative. I guess she I'd still wondering how we managed to create a second one!

[annie2186]

Holy cow!!!! There is some crazy advice in here!!

I actually believed the whole "crying is good for a babies lungs" (until now! )

Not in a "leave your baby to cry while you sit there and stare at the tv" more in a "you are changing your newborns diaper and they are screaming their bloody brains out and you repeat - its good for their lungs, its good for their lungs, like a mantra while you try to finish as quick as possible" :P

[OkiMom]

I was chating with an old co-worker of mine and he brought up a few ones that made me laugh that I forgot about. Not really advice but funny...
I had to return to week at 6 weeks pp with my first. I was standing talking to a couple Marines, one of whose wife was pregnant and he asked if I was breastfeeding. Before i could answer another one of the Marines popped up with "Of course she is, otherwise her chest wouldn't have grown to be so big".. he got in trouble for that one.. Not wise to comment on your co-workers chest size.
From a career planner when I was getting out "You do realize that staying at home with the kid is going to ruin your life. What are you going to do when you husband leaves you??" Umm, I wasn't aware he was leaving me, my husband wasn't either. He volunteered to go have a talk with that guy but I declined.
I had to go do a drug test and the person varifying it happened to deploy wtih me a few years before. Our conversation went something like this "Hey, you just get back from leave?" "yea, I had a baby 6 weeks ago" "Awesome, youve gained a bit of weight, you use to be so small" "Yea, babies can do that" "You mean you don't pop back, my mom told me you popped back to your pre-pregnancy size right after birth"..
So, in the grand logic of the Marine Corps we can deduce: 1) your breasts must get really large after you have a baby, 2) being a SAHM means your husband will leave you and your life will be ruined and 3) someone forgot to pass the memo to my body but its suppose to go back to its pre-pregnancy size right after birth.

[Liora]

Originally Posted by OkiMom

I was chating with an old co-worker of mine and he brought up a few ones that made me laugh that I forgot about. Not really advice but funny...
I had to return to week at 6 weeks pp with my first. I was standing talking to a couple Marines, one of whose wife was pregnant and he asked if I was breastfeeding. Before i could answer another one of the Marines popped up with "Of course she is, otherwise her chest wouldn't have grown to be so big".. he got in trouble for that one.. Not wise to comment on your co-workers chest size.
From a career planner when I was getting out "You do realize that staying at home with the kid is going to ruin your life. What are you going to do when you husband leaves you??" Umm, I wasn't aware he was leaving me, my husband wasn't either. He volunteered to go have a talk with that guy but I declined.
I had to go do a drug test and the person varifying it happened to deploy wtih me a few years before. Our conversation went something like this "Hey, you just get back from leave?" "yea, I had a baby 6 weeks ago" "Awesome, youve gained a bit of weight, you use to be so small" "Yea, babies can do that" "You mean you don't pop back, my mom told me you popped back to your pre-pregnancy size right after birth"..
So, in the grand logic of the Marine Corps we can deduce: 1) your breasts must get really large after you have a baby, 2) being a SAHM means your husband will leave you and your life will be ruined and 3) someone forgot to pass the memo to my body but its suppose to go back to its pre-pregnancy size right after birth.

Wow! Apparently they need to teach self-censorship in boot camp.

[MaerynPearl]

Well... in their defense most of those comments likely came from males who are far from the leading experts on womens bodies lol...

My hubby (also a Marine) has actually taken to text me questions so he can correct others in their misknowledge

like... sgt so-and-so says shes obviously not breastfeeding because she is back to work, she is just taking these pumping breaks to get away from work.... uhhhhh NO. lol... the reply text was something along the lines of... well what happens if she doesnt pump?... and then he educated the sgt lol

[sweeetpea]

My mom, who is usually pretty supportive of all my oddball choices, and was there for the homebirth of my third, started in on the extended breastfeeding, once DS passed 1 year old. "Isn't it time to wean him?", "There's really no reason to do that anymore, is there?", "He's never going to learn to drink (cow's) milk if he still has yours." (um, so?) etc.

Now that ds has a few minor anxiety issues, she has commented that she "wonders if breastfeeding until 2.5 years old might have contributed?".

Actually, Mom, the extended breastfeeding and co-sleeping probably alleviated those anxieties by providing him warmth, security, cuddling, nurturing...

Of course, my sister is a die-hard fan of that couple that promotes CIO for newborns (forget their names), and gave me their book when I had my first. I was so appalled I put it in the recycling that same day. Talk about horrific advice.

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by lunarlady

My mother told me "having your child in your bed will ruin your sex life. Don't you want more kids?". For a child of the 60's, she isn't very imaginative. I guess she I'd still wondering how we managed to create a second one!

I love this one. We're also expecting number two with a cosleeper still in bed with us. Um, there are other rooms in the house with other pieces of furniture!

[Pineapple Head]

I'm due next week with our first and my mom knows not to give me any advice. She gave so much horrid advice to my sister that I had to talk my sister off a ledge repeatedly...some of those gems were:
Let your newborn cry herself to sleep.
Put them on a schedule right away or else you will never get your life back.
If breastfeeding hurts at first then don't do it, it shouldn't hurt.(no it shouldn't hurt but trying a couple of times and it hurting and using that as your basis to quit is so sad..my sister didn't even know about lactaction consultants so she just stopped.)
Babies need to be bathed once a day or their skin will get infected.
My mom kept putting so much clothes on my niece even though it was August that she would be drenched in sweat. Because babies are "cold blooded." um...

The kicker in all this? Is my mom is pro homebirth and breastfed both my sister and I. I just don't know where she comes up with some of her advice! She knows better than to say anything to me.

My MIL is horrified that were having a home birth as I will "have to have an epidural" I don't know if she knows where having a water birth on top of that. She told us the cosleeper was a waste of money as we'd only have to use it for the first few weeks. Totally a member of the CIO league. She also thinks our using organic and natural baby products, clothing and cloth diapering is a fad and that cloth diapering is gross, why would I do that when there are disposibles??
I'm sure she's got lots of other "advice" that she is itching to give me.

[TheDivineMrsM]

Got one! Just remembered this beauty:

I was once told that I should be "prepared for a c-section" because I'm "too small" and "they're going to have to saw [me] in half."

Now, I'm 4'11, but really? When I mentioned this to my midwife, she told me to say that I have a perfect gynecoid pelvis, turn on my heel, and stalk out of the room. Gotta love it!!

[Lady Lilya]

I love it!

(You know you spend too much time on FaceBook when you look for the "like" button on a forum post you like.)

[elonwy]

Lady Lilya

My mom keeps telling me not to eat food and to watch my weight. I know she's only worried cause my aunt gained like 90 lbs and actually had a very dangerous last trimester because of it, but please.... give me a break.

[WifeofAnt]

I'm sure 90 lbs don't exactly sneak up on you... Even if you don't have a scale at home most people (using a doctor at least) get weighed at every appointment.

[trekkingirl]

my mom recently told me that I need to swaddle the baby for at least a year or she will have eczema and food allergies like my other children. So basicllly she was saying that she thinks that I am to blame for my kids allergies because I didn't swaddle them for at least a year. Does that even make sense? I'm confused!

[MaerynPearl]

how in the world do you swaddle a baby once they no longer want to be swaddled? because seriously... mine made it very clear when it was time to stop!

my mom told me today... but in this case its actually kind of cute/funny not so much bad advice...

my mom told me that I shouldnt be left alone anymore.

because I have been having so many contractions for the past few months and I am past due, she is convinced when I have this baby I am going to have her FAST and with almost no warning. Which is not out of the realm of possibility.

Or in her words - "you know, for some ladies they almost fall right out. Thats going to end up being you." (oh how I wish, but only with my midwives and DH in attendance! LOL)

She is worried DH wont make it home from work in time lol (its not that she doesn't want me to UC... shes cool with our homebirth and knows accidental UC is possible... she just doesnt want DH to miss the birth because she knows how much he is looking forward to it)