I just want to hug my poor sister. (vent)

[liberal_chick]

My sister had an awesome NCB and an absolutely perfect baby boy on Wednesday morning.

She feels very strongly against circumcision and her husband made it clear from the time they found out they were having a boy that he didn't care if the baby was circed or not. She was so happy that she was going to have a baby boy and "get to" leave him intact.

About the time she went into labor, BIL suddenly changed his tune and started pressuring her to have the baby circed. Tons of pressure. They fought about it and fought about it and yesterday my sister said she'd allow it to be done, but only b/c BIL basically threatened her with divorce. She told me she just couldn't fight him anymore.

Last night she told me she held her baby and cried to her husband for 2 hours and he didn't even care. She cried all morning and he didn't care. She refused to sign the consent forms so he did and they took baby away to have it done.

She said she's been crying every time she changes his diaper.

I am so heartbroken for her and so angry at my BIL. He wasn't on the best footing with dh or me before this (he is super manipulative and controlling of my sister), but now I don't even know how I'll be able to look at him.

I feel so sorry for my poor nephew, obviously, and for the pain he went through. But I also feel really sorry for my sister, who, IMO, was completely brow beaten into letting this happen.

[Fellow Traveler]

Sorry to hear that what a UAV your BL is. And I can't believe a Dr would have done that with your sister so distraught that she wouldn't sign the form.

[lookatreestar]

okay... that makes no sense. she was present but wouldn't sign and they still did it? hmm.

[Ann-Marita]

OMG! Waiting and then pressuring her while she was in labor?!

I have no words (that the user agreement will allow) for that "man".

I would choose divorce over allowing my husband to pressure me into having part of a perfectly healthy baby amputated. Because if I allowed it, my marriage would be over anyway because I would resent DH with every diaper change until I finally divorced him.

I am so sorry for your sister. I hope she starts a savings account in her own name and starts putting away a little money every week to finance her eventual escape from this marriage.

[Tilia]

Originally Posted by Ann-Marita

OMG! Waiting and then pressuring her while she was in labor?!

I have no words (that the user agreement will allow) for that "man".

I would choose divorce over allowing my husband to pressure me into having part of a perfectly healthy baby amputated. Because if I allowed it, my marriage would be over anyway because I would resent DH with every diaper change until I finally divorced him.

I am so sorry for your sister. I hope she starts a savings account in her own name and starts putting away a little money every week to finance her eventual escape from this marriage.

Yep^^

I would have picked divorce as well. But obviously he is good at controlling her.

[Harmony96]

[Arduinna]

Yeah, I would have told him fine I'll call a lawyer when he threatened me with divorce. I remember having very very heated discussions with my own dh before he came to his senses and realized how wrong circ is. I was to the point where I didn't think I could even consider having children with him because for me it's "over my dead body". What this "man" did was just utterly despicable and if it was my husband I could never forgive him. He basically mentally and verbally abused her to try and get her to consent and then tortured her child while she cried. There are no words within the UA for me to describe what I think about him and what he did.

[liberal_chick]

Originally Posted by lookatreestar

okay... that makes no sense. she was present but wouldn't sign and they still did it? hmm.

Apparently at the hospital she gave birth at dad's consent is enough. And they came to get baby for the circ while she was in the shower.

I hope she wises up and leaves eventually (the sooner the better). He is a UAV on so many levels.

[eepster]

Originally Posted by liberal_chick

Apparently at the hospital she gave birth at dad's consent is enough. And they came to get baby for the circ while she was in the shower.

I hope she wises up and leaves eventually (the sooner the better). He is a UAV on so many levels.

Didn't any of the nurses/doctors/etc notice what was going on? Really the hospital is as culpable in this as your BIL. I am constantly amazed that hospitals/doctors will do this when it is clear that the parents are in a disagreement about it.

It sounds like BIL deliberately pretended to be OK with it, so that he could use the exhausted, emotionally confused, vulnerable state of being in labor/postpartum that happens to manipulate the situation.

[ElliesMomma]

so sorry.

[corysmilk]

Originally Posted by Tilia

Yep^^

I would have picked divorce as well. But obviously he is good at controlling her.

me too!! I would do anything to keep my sons safe

[brant31]

Power trip. Sounds like deeper issues. This is when blood is thicker than water and your sister could use a reality check and some serious hand-holding as she mulls things over.

[lynsage]

Originally Posted by eepster

It sounds like BIL deliberately pretended to be OK with it, so that he could use the exhausted, emotionally confused, vulnerable state of being in labor/postpartum that happens to manipulate the situation.

My (surprise, emotionally abusive) ex did that to me about my DD taking his last name- for our entire relationship he said he was fine with any children we had taking my last name (we were not married) and in the car on the way to get her birth certificate he claimed he had suddenly "changed his mind" and basically refused to continue driving to the place we had to go to get the cert unless I agreed to give DD his name when we got there. He also said he wouldn't sign the cert unless she was given his name. I was sobbing and leaking milk and the baby was crying in the backseat- it was horrid. Even though her name is of far less consequence, IMO, than a circumcision would be, I never got over the way he treated me and to this day when I see her full name in print I remember his vile behavior that day.

One of the many reasons he's my ex. I hope you'll support your sister if she decides to leave her husband.

[lookatreestar]

Originally Posted by liberal_chick

Apparently at the hospital she gave birth at dad's consent is enough. And they came to get baby for the circ while she was in the shower.

I hope she wises up and leaves eventually (the sooner the better). He is a UAV on so many levels.

so there are other issues at play. if even thought for a second my dh wasn't on board he wouldn't have been at the hospital and my child would not have left my arms. well hopefully for her and her ds she will leave him as soon as she can. what a crappy situation

[liberal_chick]

Oh yeah, many many other issues at play. I told her throughout her pregnancy that she shouldn't stay with him just because she was going to have a baby and I'll continue to tell her that. All I can do is hold her hand and encourage her while she processes everything. She told me last night that all she could think of was how much she hated her husband for pushing/consenting to the circ. I think that resentment is going to be a good first step to getting her out of there, or at least I hope it will be.

[Smithie]

"Power trip. Sounds like deeper issues. This is when blood is thicker than water and your sister could use a reality check and some serious hand-holding as she mulls things over."



Circ is bad, but there's worse coming for both your sister and your nephew if she does not bail on this "relationship." Good for you for seeing that and being ready and willing to support in the process of leaving. Remember, it can be a long and frustrating process, and she'll need you to be be there for her.

[NSmomtobe]

Originally Posted by liberal_chick

About the time she went into labor, BIL suddenly changed his tune and started pressuring her to have the baby circed. Tons of pressure. They fought about it and fought about it and yesterday my sister said she'd allow it to be done, but only b/c BIL basically threatened her with divorce. She told me she just couldn't fight him anymore.

How sad. And unfortunately even though she "consented" in order to save the marriage, they will probably end up divorced anyway. I don't see how a marriage where the husband shows so little respect for his wife (and child) can be saved.

[Mackenzie]

Add me into the "divorce" group also... smh

[BugMacGee]

Wow. That is so disrespectful. After she just went through labor???
I wonder if he has any idea how he's potentially damaged his entire marriage?

[liberal_chick]

I would've been in the divorce camp too. Dh even said "she should've called his bluff!" I'm pretty sure there is no way he would ever leave her; he relies on her too much to take care of his son from a previous relationship.