I just want to hug my poor sister. (vent) - Page 2

[philomom]

This will mar her birth memories forever. I do hope she leaves this man.

[2lilsweetfoxes]

Your poor sister and nephew. Although it cannot be undone, some "good" may come of it: and not necessarily saving the marriage. Only she can decide whether or not to leave her husband (unless he dumps her first). But you can be there for her.

As for "good", she should also go after the hospital and fight to get the policy changed to at least both parents have to be in agreement (except single moms when the father is unknown) be spoken with seperately about consent and have to have both consent forms signed, or it is not to be done. At all. It can always be done later, but you can't take it back. And the same policy for the pediatricians post-discharge (because, who is to say dad wouldn't have said "DW, I'll take Junior to his two-week checkup. You stay home and rest. We'll be back in an hour or so. I've got the bottle you pumped."

[Mama2mc]

So sad. Poor mama and baby!!!

[whozeyermamma]

I can't stop thinking about your sister. Please tell her that I'm meditating for her to find peace.

(And it's not good karma, but I'm seriously hoping it pushes her to leave that SOB.)

[hakunangovi]

Originally Posted by liberal_chick

Apparently at the hospital she gave birth at dad's consent is enough. And they came to get baby for the circ while she was in the shower.

This is way too much of a coincidence.

[ZinniaGarden]

Originally Posted by Smithie

"Power trip. Sounds like deeper issues. This is when blood is thicker than water and your sister could use a reality check and some serious hand-holding as she mulls things over."



Circ is bad, but there's worse coming for both your sister and your nephew if she does not bail on this "relationship." Good for you for seeing that and being ready and willing to support in the process of leaving. Remember, it can be a long and frustrating process, and she'll need you to be be there for her.

Encourage her to open a savings account that her DH does not know anything about and to quietly put a bit away every payday. She is going to need it when they split up for things like living expenses, food and an attorney. Child custody suits are VERY expensive. Her DH sounds like a guy that will fight her for their son. You need to be prepared for her to really need you in the future, both emotionally and financially.

[Smokering]

Oh, ick. If she lets him do this to her son, what else will she let him do?

And I don't mean that as a jab against your sister - postpartum is a TERRIBLE time to have to deal with threats like that, and no doubt she was blindsided. But it's scary to think - if she agreed to this, how will she react when he plays the same card about formula feeding, or discipline, or vaccinations, or... anything, really! It sounds like a deeply sick relationship. It's lucky she has you for support - sounds like she'll need it.

Has she talked about the circ with her husband since it happened? Does he realise how much it's upset her?

[liberal_chick]

If the almost constant flow of tears and refusal to change baby's diaper haven't clued him in to her upset, I don't know what will. But I don't know that she's spoken directly to him about it. I've been on the phone (I'm 4 hours away) doing some massive encouragement on the nursing front and I haven't brought up BIL at all. I wouldn't say nice things and I figure that is not what she needs right now.

ITA with you Smokering about what else will she let him do. What is so strange is that she has NEVER been one to go along to get along (that's always been me!). She's always been the fighter, the one you don't screw with b/c you'll get more than you thought coming to you, you know? There is something about BIL that makes her cave and its been happening since they were dating. She says that she'll get more of her way about the baby's vaccines now (she wants to work on a delayed/selective schedule and he didn't) but I'm not so sure she will.

If I was rich, I'd set her up an acct with $5K in it so she could have money to leave when she was ready. The only positive light I see on that front is that she is an RN (just passed her boards a few weeks ago), so she'll be able to support herself well when the time comes.

And I'm not so sure BIL would fight for custody. He was going to sign away his parental rights to his first son until he found out he'd have to pay child support anyway.

[Arduinna]

If it was my sister, I'd gently tell her that I always have an open door for her if she needs a place to go. And leave it at that.

[honey3]

That is absolutely AWFUL. Just sick. I'm another one who would have picked divorce, no question.

[A&A]

Originally Posted by Arduinna

If it was my sister, I'd gently tell her that I always have an open door for her if she needs a place to go. And leave it at that.

[~Amy~]

That's disgusting. Your poor sister. I'm surprised her consent wasn't required as well and perhaps down the road when she's moved past the emotional time of being immediately postpartum, I might suggest to her that she file a complaint with the hospital as well. I live in a city where circs are not performed at all so we didn't have this issue, but when DS was born, DH was not permitted to give consent for any treatment he received. I had to sign all the consent/refusal forms for anything related to DS. Nothing can be done without the mom's consent. IMO, the folks who were supposed to be providing care to your sister failed her. I'm so sorry.

[smeep]

Just an idea, it probably wouldn't hurt to write a letter to the hospital encouraging them to require consent from BOTH parents. You can reference to the situation without giving names. It may or may not do any good, but I think it would be a very good idea just in case the person that reads it actually cares. It also wouldn't hurt to remind them that by doing it with only one parents consent it opens them up to potential lawsuits that, even if they were to win, would still cost them a lot of time and money. Hospitals and doctors never want to hear the word lawsuit...it's a really great way to get a message through to people.