TMI - will it ever go back to normal down there?

[LaFlaca1226]

I had a wonderful VBAC 6 weeks ago. I had a tear, but otherwise a pretty "normal" birth.

But dh and I just dtd for the first time 2 nights ago and it was so different! Besides the fact that I have very little libido (to be expected w/ hormones and whatnot), my body felt... how can I put this?... not tight enough for me to feel much of anything. Dh said it felt totally normal to him. I have been Kegeling like it's my job ever since that disappointing union.

Will things go back to normal? When???

[Banana731]

It can take some time. Months sometimes. It's different for everyone, but the kegels will help it be sooner, rather than later for you.

What made you want to? I mean did you actually feel like having sex, or did you do it because you hit the "6 week" mark?

[babyjelly]

I think it usually takes me about three months to stop being weird-different. I've never gone back to exactly the same, though...and I definitely do not consider it a bad thing! Not that there was anything wrong with before...and it's not a loss of tightness that's different, but a change in my perception of how things feel, if that makes sense.
FWIW...it may make you feel better to know that your DH is probably telling the truth about not being able to feel a difference. I asked more than one partner to give me a before and after comparison (blush), and they were unanimous in their assertations that things were just as tight as before.
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[ellemenope]

Well, I suffered a horrible tear. I never did know what number it was, but my midwife had to call in 2 doctors to figure out how to stitch it up right. I remember one of the doctors saying to the other in a hushed tone, "I don't know where to begin. What do I do with this?" Talk about something you do not want to overhear!

My DH lovingly told me later it looked like they were stitching two bloody ribeyes together. At my six week pp apt, my midwife told me I still had a long ways to go.

It took 6 months to be even physically able to DTD! Even then it was horribly painful. But we persevered . After a few weeks we were back too normal.

I guess my issue was that I was stitched up too tight. But, you know, it has been over 2 years, and I still don't feel like I did pre-pushing a human out of my vagina. Nevertheless, the human body is amazing.

[LaFlaca1226]

Thanks, mamas. It helps to know that I am not stuck this way forever.

Originally Posted by Banana731

What made you want to? I mean did you actually feel like having sex, or did you do it because you hit the "6 week" mark?

I don't know. I just missed doing it, and dh and I were feeling really close, and he was totally in the mood, and I thought, "Let's try it and see how it goes." I think it will be awhile before we try it again. It was too depressing.

[bella99]

I'd say it was about 6 months before I was able to do it without any initial discomfort.

Our first couple of times were pretty funny since I was convinced that the clearly completely healed stitches would hurt (2nd degree tear), but also that because of nursing and how tense I was, it always felt like I wouldn't stretch at at all, and he was hitting something up there. Our conversation was like this:

Me: You're all the way in right?
Him: Um no, like halfway
Me: But what is that that you are hitting? It hurts.
Him: I'm not hitting anything.

And me "directing" things. It was much more clinical than sexual at first.

[Lady Lilya]

I don't remember how long it took for me.

The first time, it hurt so much I cried. Not from pain, but from disappointment and the fear that I would never enjoy sex again. Each time got a little better, though.

------

I stumbled across a sexually-themed discussion on a different forum about some women liking large sex toys while others not, and part of the discussion was about how some of them returned to normal shortly after being stretched and others were somewhat permanently larger. So I guess there is a lot of natural variation.

I know for myself I am extremely tight now. So I have returned to normal after pushing a baby out. But I also know some women who have much larger vaginas who have never pushed a baby out.

I guess my point is that it is very individual.

----

Oh, by the way, I read that it isn't really just kegels that you should do, but squats. Apparently, our tailbones move inwards into the pelvic area, which reduces the tension on the kegels. By doing kegel exercises, you can cause the tailbone to move in farther. But by doing squats, you work the muscles that counteract the kegels, and pull the tailbone farther out, and thereby pull the kegels more taut.

[scottishmommy]

It will never be the same, but that doesn't mean it won't ever be as good! It takes a longtime for your muscles and nerves to heal, but they will. I think sex felt normal again after four months or so. Peeing and pooping took longer though (not that you asked). All told, I feel very close to normal now at 21 months pp.

[Banana731]

Originally Posted by LaFlaca1226

Thanks, mamas. It helps to know that I am not stuck this way forever.

I don't know. I just missed doing it, and dh and I were feeling really close, and he was totally in the mood, and I thought, "Let's try it and see how it goes." I think it will be awhile before we try it again. It was too depressing.

At least for me, "feeling" ready (ie. in the mood) was a clue that my body was just about ready too, you know. I bet it won't be too long, you'll get there! Just keep it slow and gentle. I actually think sex was better for us (when I was ready) after dd2 was born, than it had been since dd1 was born (c/s) go figure!

[CherryBomb]

Originally Posted by scottishmommy

It will never be the same, but that doesn't mean it won't ever be as good!\

ITA with this. The first time after my vba2c (around 5 weeks, I think) it was fairly painful (I had an episiotomy that turned into a 3rd degree tear, which I'm sure didn't help). And I definitely felt very "loose." Dh said it didn't feel much different to him, but I remember thinking "OMG! Is it always going to be like this!" But I think within a few months it was pretty much back to normal. I'm a little roomier than I was before, but that's okay with me because I was so tight before my vba2c that it was often difficult for me to really enjoy sex (I still don't have any sex drive, but at least when I do it now it feels mostly good )

[zhiruo]

6 weeks is not very long at all. I am still peeved till this day about the bad stitching job my OB did on me. I had a first degree tear and it took me 6 months to be able to have sex for the first time. There is still plenty of healing for your body to go through, so it is entirely possible that you will feel completely normal in a couple of months.

[GoGoGirl]

I feel back to normal in terms of tightness, and have ever since the first time we tried to DTD (eek, like 6 months post partum ). I do feel shallower, though, if that makes sense. It seems like DH bangs into my cervix now if he goes all the way in, which didn't used to be the case! (And I didn't tear, if that makes any difference).

[Smokering]

I definitely feel back to normal. I had a cervical smear recently and the nurse asked if I'd had a C-section, because the post-childbirth-sized speculum was way too big. (Hate cervical smears, by the way. Ghastly, ghastly, ghastly.) I do Kegel when I think of it, but not religiously. DD's 2.5, so maybe it just takes time?

[thencamehenry]

I haven't had a chance to read the replies so I apologize if this is redundant...

I recently went back to my OB's office at 17 months post-partum for similar concerns. The midwife I saw told me that things will be a little stretched out as long as I am nursing because of the hormones. That can cause pain deep inside. Her advice was lots of lubrication during sex, kegels, and general physical exercise. My regular doctor also mentioned dilators to help with pain at the opening but I haven't felt the need so far.

Six weeks is still really early. Give it time.