This is about a Montessori center but I posted here because it's a more general question---especially for other DCPs or former DCPs.
Recently I went from being a SAHM to a WOHM full time. I put my now 20-month old son in a big chain center that turned out to be very bad for him. Speaking to kids harshly, not supervising children properly, lots of state regulation violations, never saw teachers actually playing with the kids, and my son never adjusted properly, and in fact started pinching himself and scratching himself there after 2.5 weeks so I yanked him out. My mom watched him for a week until I could get him into another center. (read: lots of transitions)
New center is supposedly amazing, best daycare in town, etc. His lead teacher is clearly wonderful, she's warm, nurturing, plays with the kids, my son likes her enough to give her hugs and kisses, the space is very inviting, etc.
Problem: On the morning of his 8th full day there, his director called me up to say we need to meet to have a discussion about his crying. Interestingly, his lead teacher is out of town for several days at this time, and she's never brought this up with me, and his daily reports almost always come back saying he had a good day. Apparently according to the director he still cries a fair amount. So she says she thinks it's not separation anxiety, that he's just crying because he can't have his way all the time (which is wrong, he's clearly missing me and clingy all night when we get home, but even if it WAS right I still don't like her solution). I think sometimes his crying might be set off by being told that he can't do something like go outside, but that the separation anxiety and adjustments are exacerbating the crying, since he doesn't do that at home. I also think he's crankier than normal because he's got a bad cold and is not eating much at daycare.
Her solution to crying is to make him sit on the stair leading into the classroom until he stops crying, and don't let him get up until he stops. So basically, giving my kid a time out for crying--although she refuses to call it a time out. He apparently got several of these time outs this morning over the first hour that he was there. She also says that when he cries and the teachers pick him up to comfort him, he doesn't stop crying, so she's told the teachers they're no longer allowed to hold him when he's crying and not stopping. She also says that when he cries he tends to carry around any random toy for a long time but not play with it--just wander around crying and holding the toy. She's decided that since the toy is not helping, he's not allowed to carry anything around when crying. So the drill is--remove toy from child's hand, sit him on the steps and tell him: "Put your yuckies (tears, I guess?) away. Happy boy! Happy!" and walk away. They don't do this for any other child in the school.
I have a meeting to discuss this on Monday. I have already planned what I'm going to say. What I do need feedback on is whether I'm overreacting to this. Is this a common technique to get kids to stop crying? Is this as unacceptable as I feel it is? If everything else about the center was wonderful, and I cannot convince them to change their mind about doing this, is it reasonable to pull him out of this center, too? Am I that freakish parent that thinks no daycare is good enough for her child?
On the other hand, is she right that he should be adjusted already? Is there something wrong with my kid? Is my kid just not cut out for daycare and I have to find another solution?
Finally, any tips to help a 20 month old adjust that I can suggest at the meeting? Either tips for me at home or tips for the teachers?
Recently I went from being a SAHM to a WOHM full time. I put my now 20-month old son in a big chain center that turned out to be very bad for him. Speaking to kids harshly, not supervising children properly, lots of state regulation violations, never saw teachers actually playing with the kids, and my son never adjusted properly, and in fact started pinching himself and scratching himself there after 2.5 weeks so I yanked him out. My mom watched him for a week until I could get him into another center. (read: lots of transitions)
New center is supposedly amazing, best daycare in town, etc. His lead teacher is clearly wonderful, she's warm, nurturing, plays with the kids, my son likes her enough to give her hugs and kisses, the space is very inviting, etc.
Problem: On the morning of his 8th full day there, his director called me up to say we need to meet to have a discussion about his crying. Interestingly, his lead teacher is out of town for several days at this time, and she's never brought this up with me, and his daily reports almost always come back saying he had a good day. Apparently according to the director he still cries a fair amount. So she says she thinks it's not separation anxiety, that he's just crying because he can't have his way all the time (which is wrong, he's clearly missing me and clingy all night when we get home, but even if it WAS right I still don't like her solution). I think sometimes his crying might be set off by being told that he can't do something like go outside, but that the separation anxiety and adjustments are exacerbating the crying, since he doesn't do that at home. I also think he's crankier than normal because he's got a bad cold and is not eating much at daycare.
Her solution to crying is to make him sit on the stair leading into the classroom until he stops crying, and don't let him get up until he stops. So basically, giving my kid a time out for crying--although she refuses to call it a time out. He apparently got several of these time outs this morning over the first hour that he was there. She also says that when he cries and the teachers pick him up to comfort him, he doesn't stop crying, so she's told the teachers they're no longer allowed to hold him when he's crying and not stopping. She also says that when he cries he tends to carry around any random toy for a long time but not play with it--just wander around crying and holding the toy. She's decided that since the toy is not helping, he's not allowed to carry anything around when crying. So the drill is--remove toy from child's hand, sit him on the steps and tell him: "Put your yuckies (tears, I guess?) away. Happy boy! Happy!" and walk away. They don't do this for any other child in the school.
I have a meeting to discuss this on Monday. I have already planned what I'm going to say. What I do need feedback on is whether I'm overreacting to this. Is this a common technique to get kids to stop crying? Is this as unacceptable as I feel it is? If everything else about the center was wonderful, and I cannot convince them to change their mind about doing this, is it reasonable to pull him out of this center, too? Am I that freakish parent that thinks no daycare is good enough for her child?
On the other hand, is she right that he should be adjusted already? Is there something wrong with my kid? Is my kid just not cut out for daycare and I have to find another solution?
Finally, any tips to help a 20 month old adjust that I can suggest at the meeting? Either tips for me at home or tips for the teachers?
