STBX doesn't want to be found, BTDT?

[secondimpression]

Over a year into the separation now and XH just moved out of the house because it was foreclosed on. I haven't heard diddly squat from him, nor has he seen DS since May. While talking to some of the neighbors, they told me what was going on; that X moved in with his new girlfriend and doesn't want anyone to know his address for fear that they might accidentally blabber it to me. And none of them know it, just the town he moved to. He hasn't answered any of the court documents or my lawyer so I'm going to go pretty hard with him hoping to avoid me and DS in every sense.

Anyone BTDT? I know the court will grant me my divorce after 2 years in his absence and I'll get sole custody and maybe eventually a child support order that comes out of his check (I can always hope). Really, that stuff doesn't worry me at all. What I'm wondering is how it went for anyone who's X suddenly pops back in after vanishing and not wanting to be found?

[MariesMama]

Have you tried to find the girlfriend? It shouldn't be too hard to find her, since she probably hasn't been in hiding like your ex is.

My ex calls very sporadically - like months apart. Honestly, even though I've explained who he is to her, my DD has no idea who he is when he calls her. It's really hard if your LO is very young to even get the concept across when the NCP isn't around on a regular basis.

[StephandOwen]

My ex has never technically disappeared (he's too lazy for that ) but in the last 7 years he's regularly been absent from ds's life for months, or even over a year at a time (twice in the last 7 years he's been absent for a year or more). I've always known around where he is (small town living, he's had the same job for 8 or so years now). He's gone a year or more without seeing ds or talking to him/me. We've had no contact with him.

Anytime he shows back up I am obligated, in the courts eyes, to facilitate the relationship between him and ds. He's currently in a "I'm married and have a baby with another on the way so I'm father of the year and I demand alone time with ds" phase DS turns 7 in a couple years. Ex hasn't had ds alone since the month after he turned 2.

[Halfasianmomma]

Weird...where I live, if the other party doesn't answer the court summons, the custody ruling just on without him, which is how I was granted sole custody. It is also partially how I was granted quick divorce (there was abuse in the relationship). From what I understand of the laws here, if the other party doesn't deign show up for court, you can proceed by default.

Similarly, if a parent abandons a child for a certain number of years, it is possible for their parental rights to be permanently removed...but I think it has to be more than 5 years.

[One_Girl]

My ex did this and it has been okay. I got phased in visitation with three levels that he has to meet or he goes back to the level before it so my dd doesn't have to go with a stranger when he does pop in. He comes in and out for a couple hours every few months now and my dd doesn't think anything of it. This is just what dad's do in our family so none of us ever made a big deal of it and I think that helps. She never asks to see him or asks about him but she doesn't mind hanging out with him when he is here.