What do you think is the perfect amount of kid/parent time?

[azgirl]

This is a totally hypothetical question. What do you think would be the perfect or ideal breakdown of time for kids and parents? In a perfect world, how much time each day/week would your family spend:

-working and/or pursuing productive or creative projects?
-spending time together as a family
-partners spending time as a couple without kids?
-each partner/parent spending time alone, possibly while the other watched the kids
-kiddos with a caregiver or in school?

I struggle with ideas of time management a lot (who doesn't??) and of course REALITY dictates much of what we actually do. But then, it turns out that I don't know what I would do if given a blank slate and a perfect life. I don't know how much time kids need with their parents. (My MIL who home schooled would say close to %100) I don't know how much time a couple should spend together. I just want some guidelines. Right now, I just feel like we should: work less and hang out more But I feel like if I figure out what an ideal scenario is I could try to bend reality to fit...I know this would be different for each family. I just want to know what you wise and thoughtful parents think...what do you dream of?

I put this in parenting because my primary concern is what the kids need, not specifically what the parents as partners need.

[Xerxella]

This has so many variable that the only answer is whatever works for you.

The age of the child is a big factor. The younger the child the more they need mom. But this varies not only by age, but day to day. Some day my 3 yo needs me way more than my 1 yo, some days it's reversed.

And, of course it varies by child. Some kids, no matter the age, need more mom than other kids.

And, it varies by parent. Some parents are more introverted and need more time alone to recharge, some parents recharge by spending more time with the kids.

Etc, etc, etc. The variable go on forever. Whatever works for you is the answer.

[sewchris2642]

I don't think that there an answer to your question other than what works for you. There are way too many variables. Some children need more connectedness to mom/dad, some couples need more connectedness with each other. If things aren't working or are getting out of balance, then work on getting back into balance until you swing the other way. Life is a pendulum, constantly swinging one way and then back the other way. You're only in perfect balance at that point between the two. There is no "now we are in balance and we don't have to work at it any more".

[crunchy_mommy]

I agree that it's whatever works for the family. I just wrote up a whole response to your question but I think it was too strongly opinionated. So instead I will describe what I envision as my ideal day:

8-9 hours a day - One parent home with child(ren) while the other parent works. Child-focused time that involves lots of stimulating activities, preferrably physical outdoor activities or creative indoor activities.

8-9 hours a day - Everyone sleeps. OR if child(ren) don't sleep through the night, both parents share nightime duties (hahahaha I wish!!)

1-2 hours a day - Family hang out time, including dinner, chatting, doing activities together

1-2 hours a day - Productive/creative family time, doing chores, errands, projects, etc. together

2-4 hours a day - Working parent has quality time with child(ren)

1-2 hours a day - Each parent gets time to themselves (includes naptime as long as parent can pursue individual interests during nap, & lunch break at work as long as it's not a working lunch)

1-3 hours a day - Couple time, kids in bed (hahaa yet again that's never going to happen in my house!!)

ETA: I don't know if that adds up to 24 hours Also ironically DH & I both work (though I work from home) so this ideal situation would probably never happen!)

[AllisonR]

OP, I love your thread, even if it is only hypothetical. Reality is harsh, isn't it?

My ideal would be:
9 hours sleep for me, 8 hours for DH, 10-11 hours for DS and DD (right now they get as needed, DH and I get 1-2 hours less).
4 hours in daycare /school for kids (or 6 hours 3.5 days a week) while I am working (in a much less stressful, but still interesting job)
4 hours a day where DH watches DS and DD and I have the time for myself for my artwork, or anything else I want to catch up on. The next day I have 4 hours with DS and DD and DH has the hours to himself.
1 hour a day where DH and I have time together and magically young, in the neighborhood grandparents or friends appear to take care of them. (actually make this 5 hours once a week and this would be lovely!)
3 hours a day where all of us are together doing family things
3 hours a day were we are still a family but maybe more chore oriented like making dinner while kids are out back playing, or doing laundry....

My reality:
7-8 hours sleep
8.5 hours work
1-2 hour quality time with kids
2-3 hours with needed - dinner, laundry...
3-4 hours doing other jobs, or artwork, or computer
15 min with DH

[jeteaa]

For kids btw 3 and 6 I feel a pt time preschool schedule gives me a sahm just enough alone time during the week. dh is home for 4.5 waking hrs/evening, and that is usually always spent as a family (dinner, playing, games, movie, etc). Dh and I like to go out for a 3-5 hr date once a month or so. do us this works for now. dd1 just started 1st grade and 30 hrs a week away from home is too much, I would prefer it be more like 20.