Intentional Potty "Accidents"

[CrunchyChristianMama]

This is our newest potty-training hurdle. We started potty-training 2 months ago and it's been a bit of a roller coaster with our extremely strong-willed child. At first, after the baby came on the scene, she did fabulous with the potty. We were down to maybe 1-2 pee accidents a day.

Now all of a sudden she has started having retaliatory pees on the floor. For example...

~We were playing with legos and I wouldn't let her break apart my tower I built (not that I really cared, but she tries to do this with other children too and I don't want her to think it's ok). She got really upset, walked into the hallway out of my line of sight, and peed all over the floor.

~She wanted me to get a toy out of the car that she had left in there. I was nursing DD2 and told her I would get it as soon as I was done. She looked at me and peed all over the floor in front of the door.

~She was trying to play with the stereo which is off limits. I told her she couldn't play with it and as soon as I walked away she peed all over the floor in front of it.

~This morning both the girls were on her bed with my DH and I in the room. I had to leave to go get ready and DD2 started crying so DH picked her up and left the room to answer the phone. She pees all over the bed.

I KNOW that she can control this. We have had completely potty accident free days. She always takes herself when she has to go. She knows how to pull down her own panties and get onto a potty all by herself.

Anyone have any ideas on how to make this stop??? I am sooo ready to be done with cleaning up potty on a daily basis.

[redvlagrl]

Sounds tough, mama.

It sounds like she's turning it into a power struggle. I wouldn't react at all when there is an accident. Maybe say, oh gross your underwear is wet. Make out that you really don't care.

Good Luck!

[CrunchyChristianMama]

Anyone else?


Thanks redvlagrl!

I think I am going to buy some cloth trainers so that when she has an accident it doesn't make a big mess and take a lot of attention to get her cleaned up. I can just change her and sit her on the potty and go back to what I was doing so that she doesn't see potty accidents as ways to get attention.

So far today we have been accident-free after a day with more accidents yesterday. I took away her favorite toy yesterday and told her that she had to stay dry all morning this morning if she wanted it back. She has it back now, but I told her it would go away again if she potties on the floor. This may have been a bad idea, but she loves it and doesn't want me to take it away again.

[lach]

My DD was one of those trained-herself-in-one-day cases, where after me spending MONTHS trying EVERYTHING, and finally giving up, one day she just said "I want to use the potty," stripped off her diaper, sat on the toilet, and that was it.

About two weeks after that, she started having accidents on purpose. She would announce "I am going to have an accident," and then she would pee on the floor, big smile on her face. WTF? Or I would say (knowing that she hadn't gone in a while) "Do you need to use the potty?" and she would respond "No, I don't want to use the potty. I want to have an accident." And then 15 minutes later or so, she'd pee on the floor. I had no idea what to do. I mean, the first rule of potty training is "no shaming, stress that accidents happen to everyone, don't make a big deal out of them," right? But I don't think that advice is supposed to be about kids having accidents on purpose! And, at the same time, I was NOT going to turn this into a power struggle.

Luckily, it was just a phase. A really, really, really annoying phase. It lasted about a week? I think it was just testing. And I think she had decided that going to the potty was kind of a pain: she'd have to stop what she was doing, go to the other room, take off the necessary clothes, climb onto the potty, wash her hands. Much easier just to squat where she was, like in the good old days?

I never shamed her or got upset, but I did make accident cleanup as unpleasant as was gently possible. I'd carry her to the bathroom, she'd have to strip down whatever was wet and wait for me while I cleaned up the mess. Which I had to get to before DS got to it! Then I'd have to wash her legs with a dish cloth... and while I didn't do it roughly, a dish cloth is not as soft and gentle as the washcloths in the upstairs bathroom. Then she'd have to wait in the bathroom again while I got her new clothes. And while I can't possibly consider any of this a "punishment" (they were all steps that needed to be taken), I did maybe go about them a little slower and with a few more sighs than I would have if it were a true punishment.

After about a week of this, I think she decided that actually using the potty was a lot easier and quicker than having an accident.

[ellemenope]

I think training underwear will definitely help with cleanup. DD wears these: Hanna training unders in organic cotten. I did not even know they were training pants. I bought them because they came in an x-small and they were so soft and thick. We bought 6 and that has all we have needed for the last 6 months. We have never bought any more underwear prior or since. They will probably fit her for another 6 months. They are still a little big on her, but she lookes so cute in them.

I am pretty sure DD has done this once are twice. Thankfully, it never became a habit. I think she did it for attention. I didn't do nothing but clean her up. But, TBH who knows what I would have done if she kept at it. That sounds really frustrating.

I would not be too hard on her. She is still so young. With the new baby getting more and more attention, she has so many feelings that she is just incapable to process at this age. I would also be careful of assuming she is doing it on purpose.

[CrunchyChristianMama]

We had a potty accident free day yesterday! I think the toy thing really worked for us for better or worse.

[maddymama]

Hi Mama,
When DD1 did this, I also had her clean the floor up for me..... as well as put her in trainers for a few days. I didn't get upset, but told her that kids who have "misses" go back in trainers until they re-learn not to miss the potty. I also gave her a squirt bottle with watered down vinegar, rags, and told her to clean up the mess. While she did that, I *always* did something FUN.... and then finished up the FUN thing as soon as she was done cleaning.
I also praised the hits in the potty, too. (And sometimes rewarded them with something FUN, too.)
~maddymama

[Artichokie]

Our dd PL'd overnight at 20 mo and then went through a similar phase in her early 2s in which she attempted to exercise control by peeing in inappropriate places.

I can share what worked very well for us, but idk if it is particularly in line with the philosophy here. We came up with something she really wanted that could be easily associated with being a "big kid." In her case, it was having a butter knife at the dinner table. On days where she successfully got all her pee in the potty (or was obviously trying to but had a near miss), she got a butter knife at her place setting at supper. I made a big deal of pointing out to dh that dd was getting a knife b/c she had been such a big girl using her potty that day. On days where she did the intentional accident thing, I cleaned it up and reminded her that if she was choosing to be have accidents like a baby would, then she would not be getting her big girl privilege and there was no knife at supper that night for her.

I hesitate to share this because so many ppl here like to stand in judgment of the way other mamas parent, and I don't feel like getting flamed. But for us it really worked well and we didn't have to revert back to trainers or diapers and she got a (to her) high value reward on days where she made her best effort. Part of the issue I think was that after the initial potty excitement, it became just a boring part of life for her and introducing a new big girl privilege upped the ante and gave her some new motivation to aim for the appropriate receptacle.

IDK if that helps, but I wanted to let you know you aren't alone with this and it does get better.

[ellemenope]

Originally Posted by Artichokie

I hesitate to share this because so many ppl here like to stand in judgment of the way other mamas parent, and I don't feel like getting flamed. .

I got your back.


And here's a woohoo for eviesmama!

[CrunchyChristianMama]

Originally Posted by Artichokie

Our dd PL'd overnight at 20 mo and then went through a similar phase in her early 2s in which she attempted to exercise control by peeing in inappropriate places.

I can share what worked very well for us, but idk if it is particularly in line with the philosophy here. We came up with something she really wanted that could be easily associated with being a "big kid." In her case, it was having a butter knife at the dinner table. On days where she successfully got all her pee in the potty (or was obviously trying to but had a near miss), she got a butter knife at her place setting at supper. I made a big deal of pointing out to dh that dd was getting a knife b/c she had been such a big girl using her potty that day. On days where she did the intentional accident thing, I cleaned it up and reminded her that if she was choosing to be have accidents like a baby would, then she would not be getting her big girl privilege and there was no knife at supper that night for her.

I hesitate to share this because so many ppl here like to stand in judgment of the way other mamas parent, and I don't feel like getting flamed. But for us it really worked well and we didn't have to revert back to trainers or diapers and she got a (to her) high value reward on days where she made her best effort. Part of the issue I think was that after the initial potty excitement, it became just a boring part of life for her and introducing a new big girl privilege upped the ante and gave her some new motivation to aim for the appropriate receptacle.

IDK if that helps, but I wanted to let you know you aren't alone with this and it does get better.

That sounds like something that would work really well with my DD's personality. It's the same sort of thing that I've been doing with the toy (it's a set of real keys that she pretends to lock and unlock all our doors with ). I take them away if she potties on the floor and she has to earn them back by staying dry for a certain amount of time. If the fun of the keys wears off, we may have to try a "big girl" item as well.

No flames from me!

[CrunchyChristianMama]

Originally Posted by maddymama

Hi Mama,
When DD1 did this, I also had her clean the floor up for me..... as well as put her in trainers for a few days. I didn't get upset, but told her that kids who have "misses" go back in trainers until they re-learn not to miss the potty. I also gave her a squirt bottle with watered down vinegar, rags, and told her to clean up the mess. While she did that, I *always* did something FUN.... and then finished up the FUN thing as soon as she was done cleaning.
I also praised the hits in the potty, too. (And sometimes rewarded them with something FUN, too.)
~maddymama

I tried the clean up your own mess when she went through a dumping water on the floor phase, but the child loves to clean! Seriously, she wants to vacuum, dust, and wash her play dishes almost every day. She loved cleaning up the mess so much that she started dumping water all over all the floors! I ended up with really clean floors, but it makes me a little scared to try that with pee. I could see it working really well for a toddler who's not so into cleaning though.