A serious crush!

[jani]

Oh, I have a serious crush and it is sooooo irritating. To put it in prespective I have been with DH for 19 years and married 13 and have had only one other serious crush in that time. This crush is with a person I see a lot and have recently met but don't really know. It is completely distracting and overwhelming. By serious I mean I can't stop daydreaming about this guy and I wake up thinking about him. When I am in his vicinity I get really nervous and can barely breath. I am not concerned about acting on this crush but I am wondering if anyone can chime in about their crush and how I might get over it. My marriage is solid and we are going strong. Thanks! Jani

[cristina47454]

This has happened to me a couple of times over the course of my marriage. Ugh. My most recent one was on a TEENAGE lifeguard!!!! WTF?? I think it's just the way I'm wired, unfortunately. I would never act on any of these crushes. I try to harness it and use it as motivation to work out, take care of myself, feel good about myself. I try to enjoy the butterflies without EVER crossing the line of being inappropriate. And at some point, i just have to cut myself off though. Not because there is any danger of anything happening, but because the energy that I am putting into thinking about the other person is energy that I'm NOT putting into thinking about my husband. So even if I would NEVER do anything, it negatively impacts my marriage at some point. And that's when I force myself to back off (limit contact, etc). So no advice really. In my case, the crushes are always "safe" - they never seem to be on people that might reciprocate. If I ended up crushing on somebody that was actually interested in me and pursued me? I'm not even going to go there. I think I just really like male attention. And dh knows this about me. But if I turn it around and imagine him in the same scenario it really puts it in perspective for me.

[jani]

Thanks, I appreciate that! Our situations and takes on it sounds similar. Honestly part of my problem is the energy-drain. It just throws me back into a different time in my life when I felt I had no control over my emotions. Well, this too will pass I am sure! Jani

[philomom]

I've had several crushes over the course my 23 year marriage. The hard part for me is I start to act "chilly" towards said crushy person because I don't trust myself not to blush and giggle like a schoolgirl. Le sigh.

[cristina47454]

The blushing and giggling is part of the (innocent) fun

[JamieCatheryn]

I had a couple of them in college, one I just stopped being around by chance, the other I found out something TMI that I didn't like about him and it put me off the crush really quick. Very strange to even have them since normally I've felt zero attraction to anybody besides DH ever since getting married. Well and a couple of actors I'll never meet.

[jani]

Ha. I am in this funny position of trying to talk with the guy (I think it might dampen the crush if I realize he is a normal human) but I can't go near him without stammering and turning red. It is ridiculous. I feel like I am in highschool.