He is so mad about child support!

[haydn'smommy]

He just said, "I just can't believe that once they are out of daycare I'll be paying you $12,000/yr to just do with what you want."
I'm speechless. I'll be buying their groceries, buying their clothes and shoes, buying school supplies and paying for lunches at school, taking them for haircuts and buying them their toys. They'll live with me most of the time so I'll be paying for a roof over their heads and electricity and gas and water and internet for their school work.
WTF does he think I'm going to be doing? Sitting around and eating bon bons? Honestly. This is THE thing that is going to drive us to mediation...his little penny pinching, can't stand to give me a dime, petty BS. He's trying to nickle and dime it to death and try to control how I spend his child support. He's crazy.

[~Em~]

I'm sorry. That kind of attitude is not unusual, though - if noncustodial parents paid adequate support voluntarily, there would be no need for court orders.

In this case, I'm guessing his pickiness an pettiness has less to do with the actual money than the loss of control.

I hope you can get everything finalized soon. (((Hugs)))

[PretzelMama]

Ugh, I'm sorry. How utterly infuriating!

All I can say is that it's confirmation that you made the right decision in leaving him.

[missgranger]

This is a fairly typical response, from what I've seen.

I don't understand how some people think. I would hope that if my situation were reversed and my children were living with their father that I would do right by them and pay for their support.

My ex has told me he will never pay child support because the judge has said he cannot take the children out of the state and he happens to live outside the U.S. and cannot get a visa back to the U.S. due to his past behavior.

He has "watched" as I've sold things to pay for our children's day care, school clothes, etc. He got pouty when my phone was shut off because I was behind on the bills and acted like I was purposefully keeping him from being able to call his children. But, he assures me, "my children will never starve." No, they won't because I am taking care of OUR children.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Don't tell him that child support and child care costs are generally 2 different things and calculated differently.

And, tough sh&t. Kids are EXPENSIVE. He gets to deal.

[candycat]

Man, kids are just INCONVENIENT little things, aren't they? They cost, like, money? Darn. Who woulda thought?

[mrsjerrygarcia]

I'll never understand how men work. They want to have sex, get someone pregnant and then don't want to grow up. They'll talk about how much they loveeee their kids, but when it comes down to things like BEING THERE or paying child support, they bitch and bitch.

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. Sadly, it's common.

[lilyka]

:

and wait until you get the "you have to pay for xyz. thats what child support is for." like you just have $1000 spare dollars hanging around every month to blow on this and that for the kids. Don't try to explain the whole roof over their heads and food on the table and electricity and a car big enough and safe enough to haul them around.

[GranoLLLy-girl]

I feel ya. Mine is doing the same thing--he makes three times what I make.
I'm SO sick of hearing: you got your PhD while you were married to me!
As if after 20 years that was the only thing I've ever done and as if it took me that long to get it!
HELLO--I GAVE BIRTH TO YOUR KIDS AND RAISED THEM AND TOOK CARE OF YOUR DUMB A.. .. , too! And before the kids were born I worked for a decade while married to you!
And just so you know--I also stayed home instead of going to work full time and using that PhD so now I'm not as viable as I could have been in the work place--and yes, I'm glad I did it, because unlike him, I knew that being home with the kids was the right thing for our family. But ugh, it makes my blood boil.

He still got a fancy sports car, and a new jeep! But you see, he can do that if he only needs a pot to...you know...in.
Meanwhile, I'm still trying to figure out where we will live!

Just know that you are not alone--they all act that way--at every age and every income level.

[chicmom]

I am going through this right now. I have three children under 5 and he is ordered to pay $1056/month at this point according to the temporary order. I am not working right nowand trying to get us on our feet. This man bring home over $8000/month from his job and we get 1/8 of it.

[haydn'smommy]

I make almost as much as he does, working 1 fewer days per week . So, he's not really having to pay THAT much. It amounts to $750/mo for the 2 kids plus he has to pay half of daycare, which is $650/mo. Considering that the kids are 12mos and 3 yrs and daycare is $1300/mo, I think he's getting off easy.
It's just disgusting. Seriously, this is the only thing he's arguing about. We are working together so well to divide things up, support each other with doing things for my house and his house, and getting him moved out. You'd never dream anything was wrong with our relationship if you saw us together until the issue of child support money is brought up. And when that's brought up he loses control: cussing, screaming, etc. It's just ridiculous that he thinks he can destroy his family, walk away and not suffer the consequences.

[Halfasianmomma]

Poor wittle king baby...

[lilyka]

My xh acts like I owe him a thank you note every time he pays. Like I should be soo thankful he is doing the minimum the law requires. the very least he could get away with. Is anyone else's like that? It drives me crazy.

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by candycat

Man, kids are just INCONVENIENT little things, aren't they? They cost, like, money? Darn. Who woulda thought?

Originally Posted by lilyka

My xh acts like I owe him a thank you note every time he pays. Like I should be soo thankful he is doing the minimum the law requires. the very least he could get away with. Is anyone else's like that? It drives me crazy.

In march ex sent me an email that went on and on about what a great father he is because "I have never missed a single child support payment in years. I take care of my child". Ummmm..... yeah.... the state takes it directly out of his paycheck so ex never even sees the money and does absolutely nothing to make sure it gets to me. He's never paid for anything extra for ds (remember that ds has autism so has a lot of.... unusual.... expenses). He's never paid a dime towards healthcare or medication or anything. He, 6 years after it was ordered, still hasnt' gotten ds on his healthcare. He's seen ds twice in the last year, for a total of 6 hours. And that makes him father of the year? Dream on, buddy.

[MissLotus]

My ex keeps telling me that he pays "more than he has to" and goes "above and beyond" even though he simply pays what our divorce agreement says. He says he doesn't make as much money as he did when we signed it, which is a bunch of garbage because just recently he's bragged to me about getting a promotion and he still works for the same company, etc. Also, he has a 6-figure salary, so he's not exactly eating out of trash cans. I've pointed out to him that if he needs child support amounts changed, he must do it legally - he can't just suddenly decide he wants to pay less and I'll just take his word for it. Lame.

I've also pointed out that carrying out his endless, dull threats would actually affect our child, not just me. His lame response was that he "sees that our kid gets what he needs". And how exactly does he do that, if not through me (as our son lives with me and I have sole physical custody)?

Anyway, the gist of his threats is to point out what a stellar human being he is for doing the minimum, and to make me feel like I'm groveling for by expecting him to simply follow the state-mandated rules.

[GranoLLLy-girl]

Originally Posted by MissLotus

My ex keeps telling me that he pays "more than he has to" and goes "above and beyond" even though he simply pays what our divorce agreement says. He says he doesn't make as much money as he did when we signed it, which is a bunch of garbage because just recently he's bragged to me about getting a promotion and he still works for the same company, etc. Also, he has a 6-figure salary, so he's not exactly eating out of trash cans. I've pointed out to him that if he needs child support amounts changed, he must do it legally - he can't just suddenly decide he wants to pay less and I'll just take his word for it. Lame.

I've also pointed out that carrying out his endless, dull threats would actually affect our child, not just me. His lame response was that he "sees that our kid gets what he needs". And how exactly does he do that, if not through me (as our son lives with me and I have sole physical custody)?

Anyway, the gist of his threats is to point out what a stellar human being he is for doing the minimum, and to make me feel like I'm groveling for by expecting him to simply follow the state-mandated rules.

OMG--am I married to your x's twin?????? I will never remarry. NEVER.

[Devaya]

Originally Posted by lilyka

My xh acts like I owe him a thank you note every time he pays. Like I should be soo thankful he is doing the minimum the law requires. the very least he could get away with. Is anyone else's like that? It drives me crazy.

Yep. My ex acts like he's doing me a huge favour every time he pays me, and at the beginning he often paid me late (when our agreement was first of the month) or less than the requirement, or quibbled over paying at all. Here in the UK the CSA is useless at getting fathers to pay up so I just have to put up with it...he only gives me 160 a month which is 20 pounds less than the legal requirement. Which works out at only about 20 pounds a day. It sounds much less than what you all get in the US! And there's no obligation here to pay any of childcare, which to me is the most unfair. When I was working (I'm now just studying) I paid all the childcare and it was nearly all of what i earned.

Other than that though he is pretty good about his responsiblities, its just this resentment that seems to kick in with money where he feels it's unfair that he has to give a lot of his drinking and smoking money to me...he really seems to see it as giving it to me rather than just to our child. since he has ample to live on in the normal way of things. I think it may improve when DS is school age and it's more obvious that the money is needed for stuff...at the moment we get most of his clothes from my parents and I just pay for things like swimming and music group etc - he never does stuff like that with DS when he has him.

[haydn'smommy]

Originally Posted by Devaya

he really seems to see it as giving it to me rather than just to our child.

Ding ding ding, we have a winner! That's it! That's totally it! He doesn't look at it as money given to his children for their care; he sees it as money given to me. He gives no thought to all I do for the kids and will do once he's gone; it's this idea he has that I'm a "greedy b*tch" that he has to give his money to.

[lilyka]

Well, I htink part of it is also here is this large lump of money that they are giving for the raising og their child and they have no say in how it gets spent. No control over it. I think my xh would feel better about giving me money if he could tell me exactly how to spend it.

[vannienicole]

My ex is attempting to tell me how to spend it.