He is so mad about child support! - Page 2

[Hollycrand]

You know what?

I'm getting the feeling that we've all been married to the exact same guy!

I'm reading these posts and going 'YES!'....and 'OH YES'....my colleagues (I'm at work), well, I don't want to know what they think I have been doing in front of my computer.....

[lilyka]

:

[kryztuh]

My H is the same. His view that the child support amount is unfair and the law doesn't apply to him is the only sticking point in our separation agreement. He's been moved out for months and I haven't seen any CS yet.

[lah7]

Mine gets mad when I spend the money ON THE KIDS. "You're always buying them new clothes and stuff. Must be nice to have money." o.O Really?? He flipped out when I bought our son rain boots with Cars on them, instead of plain boots.

But he doesn't pay according to the court order - he pays what he feels he should have to each month. My kids are getting pretty good at living on sunshine and butterflies in the summer when his work is slim!

Because, you know, that $400 of C/S he gave me for September for three school-aged kids just totally was over the top. You should see the Prada backpack the 8 year old has.

[luvmybaby333]

Wow. I'm sorry Jaime... He honestly sounds like a freaking loon. After all his time spent as a father, does he not realize that it COSTS MONEY to raise children? They need things. They are little people. He couldn't exist for free, what on earth makes him think that his two sons can? He seems to be really out of touch with reality, IMO.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with that.

[MissLotus]

Originally Posted by luvmybaby333

Wow. I'm sorry Jaime... He honestly sounds like a freaking loon. After all his time spent as a father, does he not realize that it COSTS MONEY to raise children? They need things. They are little people. He couldn't exist for free, what on earth makes him think that his two sons can? He seems to be really out of touch with reality, IMO.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with that.

Seriously.

I had to come back to this thread as my ex gets ever closer to his Father Of The Year award. He never did chip in for school supplies and all the "extras" that come with a new school year (our school, like more & more schools, sends out a huge list of things to bring on the first day not just for the student but for the classroom!), book fair money & all the activity fees coming up, replenishing his cafeteria account, backpack, lunch box, haircut, clothes, etc. I did not ask for help with these extras; ex is well aware of them (our son is in 4th grade) and in fact asked me if I'd paid for this & that. Which I had. Apparently it was idle curiosity because he never offered. Again, this is someone who makes a lot of money, and ironically has a job writing for a well-known financial magazine. And yet has no idea that these things cost a lot of extra money.

Because two days ago he said he was giving me a check so he could order a package of our son's school photos, and said there was $14.00 extra in the check which "should be plenty for his pencils". PENCILS? When I thanked him for his generosity, he angrily reminded me (again) that he goes "above and beyond" for merely giving me the amount of child support required by our divorce agreement. Yes, $14 above and beyond, and that's under duress.

This rant comes about because now I get a message from him that he's bringing our son home late, that "we need to change the return time from now on"... as if he just gets to decide these things on a whim. The arrogance is galling. Especially in light of his threats to reduce child support, his concurrent demand for more time with our child is just... well...

[lilyka]

[Jyotsna]

Did I miss something? Why is your children's father allowed to wait until the children are out of childcare to start paying childsupport? Seems he would have to start paying once you have an agreement in the court?

Help me here?

[haydn'smommy]

Originally Posted by Jyotsna

Did I miss something? Why is your children's father allowed to wait until the children are out of childcare to start paying childsupport? Seems he would have to start paying once you have an agreement in the court?

Help me here?

He doesn't. He just knows it will be recalculated when they are out of daycare and that more money will be coming to me then. He also knows that, right now, every penny he sends goes to pay my half of daycare. [Since the newest calculations of his anticipated child support (he's not paying yet; he's just paying daycare right now cause we are still living together and that's what we've agreed to do), I'll actually be having to pay an additional $75/mo on top of what he's paying in child support to cover my half of daycare.] Once they are out of daycare then I will actually have that money in my pocket to spend on the kids clothes, food, etc instead of having to do it all myself. He thinks that $500/mo for 2 kids is too much.

[mommy_to_2angels]

Randomly joining this conversation

I was reading through all of this and started feeling a little less alone. Thank you!

On that note, my ex told me I am a greedy B***h because I filed for food stamps and medicaid. When you file for those as a single mom, you are required to contact child support enforcement down here, so I did. He was ordered to pay half the child care because we were working on 50/50 custody at his request.... now he is paying nothing at all.

[Pariah]

Joining the club...my ex doesn't pay child support either and said he won't until he is forced. He somehow thinks that the law won't come down on him for not paying eventually.

[Halfasianmomma]

Ditto.

My XH has 4 kids by 4 different women, and has never paid a dime of CS. His first DS was adopted by another man, so no CS there. He bullied his second DS' mom into giving him custody and CS by holding something over her head. He's is arrears for 10K for his third DS but since he lives in another province, all the government has done is seize in federal income tax return. And for DD, he recently said he "didn't know" he had to pay me CS because *I* "didn't tell him that I won sole custody".....poor ill-informed him. He has claimed to make a payment arrangement with the CS office, but doesn't yet know that the amount will be garnished directly off his wages. I'm waiting to see how badly the cow manure hits the proverbial fan when he finds out.

[mommy_to_2angels]

Originally Posted by Halfasianmomma

Ditto.

My XH has 4 kids by 4 different women, and has never paid a dime of CS. His first DS was adopted by another man, so no CS there. He bullied his second DS' mom into giving him custody and CS by holding something over her head. He's is arrears for 10K for his third DS but since he lives in another province, all the government has done is seize in federal income tax return. And for DD, he recently said he "didn't know" he had to pay me CS because *I* "didn't tell him that I won sole custody".....poor ill-informed him. He has claimed to make a payment arrangement with the CS office, but doesn't yet know that the amount will be garnished directly off his wages. I'm waiting to see how badly the cow manure hits the proverbial fan when he finds out.

Congrats on that! I have an appointment tomorrow morning with an attorney to try to get all of this worked out. We'll see how it goes, and how the hell I am gonna afford to pay her. But she accepts payments, so...

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by Jyotsna

Did I miss something? Why is your children's father allowed to wait until the children are out of childcare to start paying childsupport? Seems he would have to start paying once you have an agreement in the court?

Help me here?

Originally Posted by haydn'smommy

He doesn't. He just knows it will be recalculated when they are out of daycare and that more money will be coming to me then. He also knows that, right now, every penny he sends goes to pay my half of daycare. [Since the newest calculations of his anticipated child support (he's not paying yet; he's just paying daycare right now cause we are still living together and that's what we've agreed to do), I'll actually be having to pay an additional $75/mo on top of what he's paying in child support to cover my half of daycare.] Once they are out of daycare then I will actually have that money in my pocket to spend on the kids clothes, food, etc instead of having to do it all myself. He thinks that $500/mo for 2 kids is too much.

I'm confused too, since where I am, cs is based on a % of income, and child care is NOT based on income - its just half the cost (or it might be split based on how much each of us make), but child care is in addition to the cs they would otherwise be required to pay. So, what that means, is that once my ds is out of childcare, I'll be getting less money than I'm supposed to be getting now. (I'm not getting it b/c of a lag in the court process and my ex's refusal to search for full time paid work).

[haydn'smommy]

Our parenting plan says that STBX pays X amt (determined by the state) of CS and that we split daycare costs (independent of the CS). I cannot afford all my bills and house payment and half of daycare, so right now every penny of CS that I receive will go to pay my half of daycare. STBX knows that. Once I don't have daycare to pay (which will be years from now), I'll have that money to actually spend on things like clothes and shoes, etc.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by haydn'smommy

Our parenting plan says that STBX pays X amt (determined by the state) of CS and that we split daycare costs (independent of the CS). I cannot afford all my bills and house payment and half of daycare, so right now every penny of CS that I receive will go to pay my half of daycare. STBX knows that. Once I don't have daycare to pay (which will be years from now), I'll have that money to actually spend on things like clothes and shoes, etc.

I get it. So the dollar amt won't actually change, you'll just be able to use it differently. Makes sense. Me too though, daycare is expensive.

[2xy]

Originally Posted by lilyka

Well, I htink part of it is also here is this large lump of money that they are giving for the raising og their child and they have no say in how it gets spent. No control over it. I think my xh would feel better about giving me money if he could tell me exactly how to spend it.

How to spend it? Like you won the lottery or something?

I don't know about you ladies, but it's not like I'm getting rich off of child support. Every penny is spoken for. As long as the NCPs can see that their kids are fed and clothed and cared for, they should butt out.

[Marsupialmom]

I think sometimes the child support payer does need to see were the money is going.

Many noncustodial parents do not realize how expensive their kids are.

They do not see the $20 for lunch, the $40 for new shoes, the inch they grew and the new pants, the cold that cause $50 in doctor and meds, $100 calculator, et

They do see bigger things the custodial parent does. One of my dh coworker ex just got a boob job. Then asked him $100 for hockey. Yes, he feels perplexed if she could afford a boob job why can't she afford $50 for hockey nor help do the volunteer work to reduce the amount owed. My dh did defend his ex on the $100 winter coat. His coworker didn't get how expensive it was because he wasn't doing the shopping. Even though we agree his ex should be a little more froogle ($50) jeans for a growing 12 yo.