Sigh...I think I will be in this forum soon.

[sunsetdancer]

I am pretty sure I will be filing for separation/divorce soon. We've been married a little over 10 years and have four kids. I have tried for some time to work things out, but I don't think it's working. I feel like it's mostly "me" trying to work things out instead of "us". I have been working off and on in long term temp jobs (ranging from 3 months to one year in length) but haven't worked a 'real' job since our oldest was born. I will be having to go back to work and have been looking for a job but haven't found one yet.

Any advice on things I should be doing now? I am not in a situation where I have to leave immediately and I want to get as much in place as I can before leaving. I really want to minimize the stress on our three year old (ASD, sensory issues, speech delayed). Not that it won't be stressful for the other kids, but this child has additional challenges that may make it more stressful for him. Any advice on that would be appreciated. Any advice on paperwork I should be gathering? Things like pay stubs (only he has worked in the past two years), birth certificates, etc. What kinds of info did you need with your first meeting with a lawyer? Any other advice?

[haydn'smommy]

My attorney wanted the last 2 yrs Tax Returns, documentation of the balances in checking and savings accounts, IRAs and 401Ks, documentation of debts (CC, student loans, etc), pay stubs (3 or 4), and info on our housing and cars situations (whose names they were in, when they were purchased and with whose money).
I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. I just started the process recently and this sucks.

[NolaRiordan]

I'm sorry. I do think it is wise for you to be prepared. The PP gave a good list of what kind of financial documentation you need. You need to get account numbers and balances right away. You also need birth certificates of your kids as well as your own marriage license. Do you think custody will be an issue? If so I would start documenting ASAP what he does with the kids as well as what yo do with the kids.

Good luck!

[GranoLLLy-girl]

A word of warning about work--the more you work, the less he will have to pay you in child support!!
I know that this is true because last year, my x insisted I go back to work. I did. A year later, he left. I could have made almost twice as much in child support, but went back to work and now I am responsible for a good portion of it. Funny this is, I make a third of what he makes. I still ahve to contribute.
Bottom line: don't get a job until after all is said and done.

[hillymum]

And do not open any new credit cards! If you do then you will just get into debt paying an attorney, where as if you have no line of credit your attorney can petition the court for your sbx to pay attorney fees.

Make sure you get itamised bills for everything, and something that shows average weekly/monthly grocery spending if possible, just so you have papers showing your normal spending to help calculate your normal monthly costs.

[sunsetdancer]

Thanks for all the advice. If I don't go back to work, then how will I pay the bills after we separate? I really don't think I will be able to count on him to pay those bills and we don't have enough in savings to pay them for long.

Also, he just enrolled in college for a program that will take about two years to complete. He's not making much money now, but after he finished that, he will have the opportunity to make better money than he did before. How does that affect things?