Have you "taken a break"?

[cielle]

Hi-

I'm wondering if any of you have taken a break from TTC and if so how it worked for you. I have just had three failed cycles of Clomid after over a year of trying for our second child and I'm thinking about taking some time off from this process, at least the next cycle.

So have you done this? Did you stop charting completely? Did you stop reading about IF? Did it help you mentally or did you end up feeling like you had wasted time?

Part of what's bothering me is that I seem to have a really negative attitude about what I'll do during the time off. Instead of thinking of it as time to get healthy, I seem to be thinking of it as a time to drink as much coffee as I want (okay that seems to be the main vice I want to indulge in). It just generally seems like I want to be self-focused without worrying what effect everything little thing I do will have on my fertility.

Anyway, I'd be interested in hearing what anyone else has to say about taking a break.

Thank you!

[Clueless]

Good question! I've wondered this too. How do you really take a break if you still know when you are going to ovulate? I just don't understand how one takes a break, unless it involves going back on BCPs or using some kind of protection to prevent pregnancy. I'm interested to see if anybody responds.

[dallasgirl]

Hello,
I'm new here...just happened upon the site, and I'm glad I did. There's a little about myself below. In regards to "taking a break," I have tried to take a break from ttc on several occasions, but have had varying degrees of success. As Clueless said, it's difficult to truly take a break without some form of birth control. We used condoms on the cycles that we truly needed a breather from ttc, and we took breaks from treatment and tried naturally during others. I found that it was difficult for me to ever truly quit trying because I always knew when I was ovulating. And, inevitably, by the middle of the cycle, I was usually ready to try again. The months that we did truly not try were liberating, and I never felt as though I had wasted a good cycle.

As far as wanting to take a break b/c you need to focus on yourself, cielle, I think that's okay. Being able to engage in things like coffee, wine, and sushi is what makes the unsuccessful cycles more bearable for me. TTC with infertility is an emotional juggling act, and you have to be sure to maintain your sanity in some way -- however that works best for you. If you need a break so that you can have full-strength coffee, then that's what you need. Sometimes I just needed to know that there was more to me than my ovaries and that my life didn't have to always move in two-week increments. A day or two of indulging myself usually helps me regain the perspective I need to keep going. Most of the time, my "breaks" consist of a day or two of doing the types of things that I usually don't (coffee, wine, sushi, brie, etc.), and that's usually enough.

For what it's worth, here's where I've been with infertility and ttc: I have an amazing daughter who will turn two on Friday. She was conceived with fsh/iui after two years and three months of ttc. We began ttc#2 last year and had three failed fsh/iui cycles. After a total of nine cycles of actively ttc, we somehow became pregnant without medical intervention, but miscarried at 10.5 weeks. We are now on our third cycle of ttc since the miscarriage. We are trying on our own, but expect to begin some further diagnostic hormone testing next cycle, if this cycle doesn't work out. Our RE is currently recommending ivf, but we're not sure if we will follow his recommendation or go back to fsh/iui.

Good luck to all of you!

[Freckles]

I really wish I could take a break after losing two pregnancies this year, one in which I had to bury my first born. But the truth is my infertility and eagerness to be a mother are a 24/7 job for me! I don't know how to shut it off or forget or think about something else. I know I must be driving my friends and husband crazy with so much baby talk and grieve stricken days but that's my life now no matter how much I wish I had someone else's life at times!

[Arduinna]

We took breaks from TTC, fertility treatment and charting more than once. If fact it seemed like I could only take a couple of highly scheduled charting/ttc months in a row before needing a break. Yes, the first couple times we took a break I was still stressed and mentally charted and knew when I O'd. But I got better at it, and now that we have stopped ttc I only chart AF dates so as to know when to expect her. And if I notice fertile CM I do but I'm not always thinking about it.

It did really help to take the breaks, even though at first I did feel like it was wasting cycles.

[AdinaL]

I have taken two breaks. One by choice, and one by no other choice.

The first was because the stress was getting to me and we had some other issues to work out, the second was an anovulatory cycle...so no choice there.

The first break, it was tough to not notice when I was O'ing and such , but it also allowed us to just not have sex then, no birth control needed. I figure my odds are pretty against spontaneously getting pregnant.

The second break - which only ended about 10 days ago - was great. I knew I couldn't get pg, I knew I didn't have to worry about anything till af showed up.

It is hard to not feel like wasting time - expecially as I am on my first child...I feel like I am treading water and that is about it.

I stopped charting after I realized this cycle was annovulatory, and did some lame charting when we took our first break. Just so I knew when things would occur.

I have no idea if I answered your questions or not. :LOL

[texcalkas]

My thoughts...

I'm new to this and not sure what TTC is but I know that my DH and I took many breaks in our journey to become parents.

After miscarriage #1 we had four years of infertility. I fell into a deep depression and dreaded that time of the month as it was my signal that once again we had failed. We tried intrauterine inseminations three times (all we could do on a college student's budget) and failed three times. I could have used my diaphragm at any time but didn't.

After miscarriage #2 I didn't even want to have sex. We didn't use protection and the inevitable happened. We had a boy 42 weeks later.

When he was 18 months old I had a tubal pregnancy when I wasn't even trying to get pregnant. Again, four months later I was pregnant and very angry. But, she survived and was born 41 weeks later.

If I were still going through infertility I definitely would be using the diaphragm off and on. Both me and my DH needed a break in the initial period of infertility but as I look back on it now, I was so centered on what I wanted I never considered that maybe I should stop for a while.

[gonnabeamom]

We are having an enforced one now. Or semi enforced. We had a m/c and after we'd had unprotected sex, our Dr. mentioned that we shouldn't get pregnant this "cycle".

I hate using condoms again (we don't have other options because I threw out my diaphram after a few months of TTC.

I think that you should spend sometime doing "unhealthy" things during your break. A break in which you are still focused on what you are supposed to be doing won't be much of a mental break.

Also I know lots of folks stop TTC, but don't TTA. If you just need some time to yourself, and aren't doing anything seriously detrimental(like eating lead), why not just skip the clomid and the birth control, and enjoy the unscheduled sex?

[Dominique]

Yes I have!

Hi there,

I thought I would post my 2 cents worth. It took us 18 months to conceive our daughter, now 2 1/2 years old. I had a very stressful job at the time and I had been charting etc... it got very stressful and mechanical, so finally my husband said, "lets just relax and not worry about it.".

I found another job, stopped charting etc.... and 2 months later got pregnant. I believe it was the stress that was keeping me from getting pregnant.

This time around, we started trying about a year ago, I wasn't charting or anything but we got pregnant right away, then I had a miscarriage.

Now we've been trying again for about 6 months... I have charted for 3 months just to get a handle on when my ovulation occurs, and now I've stopped charting.

I really believe that stress plays a large role in not getting pregnant, so my take on it, is, relax, keep having sex and hopefully it'll happen. But keep an eye on your cervical fluid.

Dominique

[Abigail]

Hi! I am new to this forum. I was on the "one" list for a while, but kind of got my feelings hurt when someone called me a name oh well.

I suppose we all feel like china sometimes.

I have decided to take a break but I don't feel like I have much say in the matter because my husband is having too much fun hanging out with his friends and partying and we never have sex any more.

I am 35 and he is 46 and I just feel like there is barely any time left. He keeps saying that he wants to have a baby. We have been talking about it for almost 8 years. He even starts sentences with... if we have a boy then.... and I just wonder what is he thinking? doesn't he know where babies come from?

anyway, I feel like I am stopping because of him. Is anyone out there taking a break because of their partner?

I used to take temps and vitamins and go to the accupuncturist and take herbs and yoga and no caffine, and tea and organic vegetables and charting and evening primrose oil, and fish oil and red raspberry and nettle tea and PRAYER and I just realized last night that I am wacking my head against a wall. So I have stopped it all. I was even looking into doula training but I started crying when I was reading spiritual midwifery because all the women were about 10 years younger than I am and they say that it is hard to be a midwife if you have never had a baby. So I just felt like a fool and threw the book against the wall.

I am sorry if I have gone off topic. I gues you all can tell I had some things to get off my chest, but my experience with taking a break is the following.


About 6 months after we got married I got pregnant and was rear ended by a truck and had a miscarriage.

Then about 4 months after that I got pregnant again and miscarried again and then hubbie and me hit the rocks and ended up separating for about a year. We have been back together since early spring, but alas I am too much of a stress ball to get pregnant. So I am taking another break. I don't know if this is helpful to anyone but I needed to reach out somewhere.

I hope that when others out there do try to resume, that it will be what you had hoped for and that you will find happiness and peace and a bundle of joy in the end.