How do you deal with social / public situations and an EBF who feeds a LOT?

[TreeRose]

Hi,
We EBF and sometimes she gets off the breast and back on several times in a half hour or hour. In between she is happy, burping, sleeping - any number of behaviors and then she'll fuss and want back on. Eventually she'll fuss because she needs to sleep. Sometimes it's hard to tell.
Anyway, I wonder if people have babies like this (our DD is 3 weeks old) and how they handle public & social situations (restaurants, grocery shopping, dinner at family's house, etc.)... I ask because next week we're having a family dinner with my in-laws and I'm getting anxious thinking about it. They will worry that she's sick or criticize how we choose to parent - or they'll all want to hold her but she'll want to be eating.
Thanks for any suggestions!

[ShanaV]

First off, it's totally normal what your baby is doing, so don't fret! It's what she's supposed to do!

Re the in laws: I find the best thing to do is handle her with confidence and assertiveness. If MIL is holding her and you see she's fussing with hunger or sleepiness, walk up to her and say "she's hungry, I'll take her," and then do so. I have to deal with this with my own mother (who I live with). She will hold a fussing, screaming, crying baby and go on about "oh, he's just talkin'!". I'm like, no, he's hungry, give him to me. I say that straight up, give him to me, and feed him and he calms down.

Just explain that she is tiny, her tummy is tiny, BM digests very quickly, so she has to eat pretty much constantly. Laugh and smile about it, and people will be amazed at what a Supermom you are!

[october]

3 weeks tends to be a pretty heavy duty growth spurt! I remember it vividly. She nursed every hour, and in the evening cluster feeding for a couple minutes at at time every 5 minutes. Talk about sore nipples.

The good news is that it won't always be like that, maybe next week it will even be different. Also, it *is* totally normal. Don't worry about what the in-laws will think. Anyone who gives a new mother a hard time so early in the game is messed up, not you, IMHO.

Also, my inlaws surprised me. They ended up being very non-judgmental (at least not openly). the first 6 weeks PP are a very sensitive era in a woman's life. It's normal to be anxious about these things, but you will figure it out.

[Knitting Mama]

We nurse in public constantly! Cecilia can't go for more than an hour or two at the most without nursing at 5 month old. I just do like the pp said and do what we do assertively and confidently. Just keep yourself calm and cool and be very matter-of-fact if anyone questions it. "She needs to nurse now, thanks for playing with her." And that's that! If they ask why she nurses so often, you can just say that nursing on demand is what your doctor recommends and that she's a healthy, growing baby!

[lucy_v]

My DD was about 4 weeks old on Easter. Now, granted, DH & I aren't religious, but his family is & they celebrate. We didn't go to his parents' for Easter because DD was nursing & sleeping so frequently at the time and I didn't see the point in me being there if I'd be spending it by myself (with DD) the whole time in another room. I NIP all the time, but when she was constantly nursing then, it was exhausting, and I wanted the privacy (or not surrounded by extended family at least). MIL was very put off by our not attending, but she got over it. It was just the first of many situations we have and will deal with, since she disagrees with many of our parenting choices.

So, my advice is don't forget that you have the option to say no and not go to events now, and if you do, I agree with the PP that you have to learn to "stand up" to family and let them know when you're going to feed DD. Not in an aggressive way, but just assertive and confident. (I'm still learning to be this way with my MIL, so I'm trying to reinforce it to myself by saying this!)

[hildare]

shoot.. our 10 month old is still eating every two hours all night long.

when we were out in public, i tended to wear her in the moby, and practiced feeding her in it. Super easy to pop her on the boob and no one could even tell.
as for entertaining in your home.. i noticed that people tend to hand that baby back to you pretty quickly when it's changing time or when it's making hungry sounds time. hopefully your folks will pick up on those cues, too, but if not, just tell them that your babe is nursing lots now. (if that doesn't work, offer to let them change the diaper and see how quickly she's back in your arms)

[TreeRose]

Thank you all - so appreciative.
I really appreciate hearing that her feeding randomness is normal! And also being reminded to be more assertive... of course I've pushed that responsibility off on my husband while dealing with his family. They are a challenging dynamic and I often don't feel heard. I feel like I should be able to say, "She probably needs to nurse" and they should hand her over rather than question, comment, or balk at my thoughts because she "just ate 10 minutes ago" or "wow, she isn't giving you much of a break - when will you pump?" SIGH...

So what about grocery shopping? The last time I tried, I got halfway through and had to take a screaming baby to the parking lot for 40+ minutes. My husband finished but it made me nervous, what would I do if I were by myself?

It's all just so new. I still need to hold my breast and position it in her mouth so I don't feel totally comfortable with the public nursing situation... just around family and in the car I'm starting to get more comfortable.

THANK YOU!

[Knitting Mama]

In the early days before Cecilia could go more than an hour without nursing, grocery--and really any--shopping was a tandem effort so I could nurse her in the car or in the lounge area if needed. We rarely did anything more than 10 minutes from home for quite some time!

[SilverFish]

yeah, that early stage is rough! i actually went to a large bookstore by myself at around 4-5 weeks just to practice NIPing. it was nice and quiet, with lots of little corners and plenty of chairs... a perfect place to practice getting her latched and getting comfortable with how much skin i was showing!

it'll get way way easier. in a couple weeks, you'll both be much more comfortable... you with getting her latched, and her with hanging on for a couple minutes while you get somewhere to sit down. if you have to go somewhere by yourself (not that you should be, at only 3 weeks PP), try feeding her before you go in, and honestly, if all else fails, just leave your cart and come back. it'll all work itself out.

[gravida]

If you don't have a wrap or sling I'd get one and give nursing a try while baby is in there. I would never get anything done without my wrap. I nurse DS while walking, doing chores, shopping, caring for DD...you name it I've done it. Worth every penny!

[Truckerdoo]

Just get a Bebe Au Lait or Hooter Hider or similar nursing cover. They are totally discreet and make everyone comfortable. I have very prudish in-laws and they have been - and i have been - very comfortable nursing with the Bebe Au Lait from Day 1.

It's funny because everyone knows what's going on "under it" but the colorful shield makes all the difference.

Also, my baby tends to calm down once he sees the colorful print coming at him. It's like his own little private feeding tent! He loves it, the public loves it, everyone's good.

[hildare]

Originally Posted by gravida

If you don't have a wrap or sling I'd get one and give nursing a try while baby is in there. I would never get anything done without my wrap. I nurse DS while walking, doing chores, shopping, caring for DD...you name it I've done it. Worth every penny!

this! it makes life much easier to be able to do that..

[mamadelbosque]

I just nursed... anywhere and everywhere. I ignore nasty glares and smile happily. The inlaws can shove it. If they don't want me nursing, then they don't need to see us.

[sosurreal09]

Originally Posted by mamadelbosque

I just nursed... anywhere and everywhere. I ignore nasty glares and smile happily. The inlaws can shove it. If they don't want me nursing, then they don't need to see us.

me too.

*if* you feel uncomfortable with the in laws seeing you're breasts maybe get a cover just for that...

i am a very "in your face" nurser i do it whenever wherever and defend myself if i need to (where i live right now i get alot of thats disgusting comments...seriously...) but when my dad is around i feel weird about him seeing my breasts..we are not very close...anyways i seem to leave the room or cover up when hes around

[akind1]

I found, as DS is the first grandbaby on both sides and first baby to be born in a while on DH's side, (he was 1 week old at thanksgiving, 5 or 6 at Christmas) that nursing was an excellent way for me to get baby time, since everyone wanted to a chance to hold the baby, and I didn't mind nearly as much as I thought I would.

Eating frequently is perfectly normal at that age, and even for long periods. Now, at DS's age, he will eat often, and sometimes only for a few minutes. I just say, he's a snacker!

I did use a cover when he was small, and would unlatch and latch frequently. Now it distracts him, so I might use it just during latch, but other than that, I don't bother (except when I am in a bathing suit, as I don't really like it all hanging out) I just dress in a way to be able to nurse discreetly.

GL and enjoy your dinner!

[jillmamma]

Originally Posted by TreeRose

Thank you all - so appreciative.
I really appreciate hearing that her feeding randomness is normal! And also being reminded to be more assertive... of course I've pushed that responsibility off on my husband while dealing with his family. They are a challenging dynamic and I often don't feel heard. I feel like I should be able to say, "She probably needs to nurse" and they should hand her over rather than question, comment, or balk at my thoughts because she "just ate 10 minutes ago" or "wow, she isn't giving you much of a break - when will you pump?" SIGH...

So what about grocery shopping? The last time I tried, I got halfway through and had to take a screaming baby to the parking lot for 40+ minutes. My husband finished but it made me nervous, what would I do if I were by myself?

It's all just so new. I still need to hold my breast and position it in her mouth so I don't feel totally comfortable with the public nursing situation... just around family and in the car I'm starting to get more comfortable.

THANK YOU!

For grocery shopping, I either have DH do it (preferred so I don't have to drag 3 kids there) or wear her in the Ergo or sling. I got nursing tanks for like $17 a piece at Target that I wear under my shirt...shirt goes up, tank covers the extra flab and stretch marks, and I can tuck my shirt around what the baby carrier does not cover as well. In fact, this morning DD was in the Ergo in the front carry nursing while we walked the dog around the neighborhood. That part gets easier too as they get better head control (DD is 7.5 months).

[Parker'smommy]

My babe is the same age as yours ( Genevieve is 2 days older...lol) and I have to say that I thought about that same concern when a friend was visiting me today. I know that she formula fed and I wondered if she thought my babe was eating constantly and on the boob too much. Of course...she never said a word about it and it was just ME being overly anxious? But thankfully, I got over it.

Our babes are SO young right now. Really, they can eat every hour and it would be totally normal. Oh, and yah....Friday and Saturday was a major growth spurt day for us....she was on the boob constantly. And I said that to my sil who was questioning her nursing ( but not judgementally, just curious because she wants to have a baby soon as all about baby stuff right now ) so much that "yep....looks like she's going through her 3 week growth spurt!" And yep...Sunday....BIG sleepy day...couldn't keep her awake!!! Sure sign that she had a growth spurt.


Oh, and as far as grocery shopping? Um, no. I'm 3 weeks PP. I'm NOT grocery shopping. My sil did my shopping for me and my dh will pick up anything we need on the way home if I need it. I'm #1 not exposing my newborn to all the ickies in a public place like a grocery store, and #2...yah....I'm not letting her scream if she gets hungry. Maybe in a few weeks we'll try it, but not now. Take that pressure off you and have your dh do it or a friend or other family member. I bet people would love to help you!

Good luck!

[Adaline'sMama]

I just nurse anywhere and everywhere. Most of the grocery stores have some kind of sitting area (tables, bench, blood pressure machine, ect.) If she wouldnt nurse in the moby (she normally did and still does) then Id sit somewhere and nurse her. I dont use a cover unless i am uncomfortable. If people dont want to see me nursing my child, they can look away.

I went grocery shopping at 1 week PP, and loved it. I wore DD, so that no one would ask to touch her or hold her, and it was fine. She slept most of the time in her sling, so she didnt want to nurse as bad. I think we started nursing in the sling (while walking) at around 4 weeks.

If your inlaws make comments to you about how often she needs to eat, tell them she's tiny and she needs to eat all.the.time. They are lucky to be able to hold her during the short breaks that she isnt nursing. Little babies need their Mommy pretty much 24/7. You dont need to pump so that you can give yourself a break unless you want to. Dont get pressured into not ebf. You (along with DH) get to make all of the desicions here.

[mbhf]

It will get easier. Do you have a sling/wrap? Have you tried nursing in that? My second child nursed almost constantly until he was about 2. Really all of the time, especially when we were out. I got a lot of "he's really hungry, isn't he?" and that kind of thing because people really just don't understand that nursing and bottle feeding are not the same. I generally wore a low cut shirt with a cami underneath, with the cami pulled up and my shirt pulled down to nurse. For me, that was the best combination for constant nursing. A tee shirt over a cami pulled up is much more "obvious" I guess and bunched up. Oh, and another benefit to babywearing, people are much less likely to ask to hold the baby and pretty much no one is just going to reach in and try to grab him.

And I'm kind of weirded out responding to this because you're from my hometown.

[shotmama]

i think having more confidence about BF in general may help! for me, seeing other moms, especially veteran nursers, BF their LOs helped SOOO much! sadly the first person i've ever seen BF was me! my parents and siblings thought it was disgusting and were very unhappy with our choice to BF, and preferred i did so in another room or only at home. but then that would have meant that i would have to leave the room every hour! they even had many arguments with me about how BF was 'playing god' and 'incestual.' you can imagine the confidence we had then, hehe!

we now spend less time with them and more time with other moms who BF and it gave us (DH and i) way more confidence. at 11 months i just BF anywhere, any time. (she STILL feeds every hour!)

try attending an LL meeting near you if you don't have many BF mama friends!