I want to be happy, but...

[reticentwife&mama]

I'm in my late-twenties. I (as well as my husband) know how babies are created, but we were oddly oblivious to things, I guess. I know that we should have avoided better. For over a year, we've been so careful with everything b/c of unemployment. Regardless, I POAS two weeks ago and it popped up with a faint positive. I want to be happy, like I was with my first pregnancy, but the stress is overwhelming to me.

My husband got a pay raise two weeks ago; great, right? Yeah, not really, because now we don't qualify for Medicaid with his pay raise and me working part-time. His job nor my part-time job offer benefits.

I didn't want to give up right away, so I called this morning to see if my state does a co-pay kind of thing, or qualifies pregnant moms under SCHIP, but they don't. So, we're stuck and I don't know what to do. I called around and it's going to be $800 up front for the first visit and then $250 monthly payments (average?) just for the midwife/OB visits. I would prefer a midwife over an OB. The hospital quoted me at between 1800-3400 for the baby's stay at the hospital and between 3400 and 6000 for my stay, and these are rates only if everything is normal and "average." My husband isn't comfortable with a home birth, and I understand. My options are limited, and I know I'll just have to figure out a way to do something, but it's overwhelming. I want to see someone throughout my pregnancy, to talk to if I have questions, but now I worry that I won't see anyone and I'll end up at the ER to deliver my baby. (I know, I know I'm being overly dramatic here, but IDK what else to say).

I know that it's our own fault. I just wish I could be excited about this baby, instead of thinking about how dumb I am for getting pregnant. A baby is supposed to be a blessing, no matter the circumstances, but I'm having a very hard time feeling "blessed." I'm not asking anyone to "fix" this for me -- I guess I just needed some place to vent, because I don't feel comfortable telling anyone in real life that I'm pregnant yet (other than my husband).

Thanks for reading.

[sewingsparklz]

Oh, Momma! I understand! I'm sorry! I don't have your exact situation but every time I'm in the depths of morning sickness I *seriously* question getting pregnant at all. It's even worse when you weren't intending to get pregnant.

And we have been self pay for several years (and babies) now. Your numbers look about right. And we've also been on and off of Medicaid. The limit they put on your income is ridiculous! So yes, because we make $200 more a month than your limit, that means we can afford a $17,000 birth. Whatever!

Hugs, Momma. That's all I can offer. And, I understand!

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by reticentwife&mama

My husband got a pay raise two weeks ago; great, right? Yeah, not really, because now we don't qualify for Medicaid with his pay raise and me working part-time. His job nor my part-time job offer benefits.

If you quit your job does it lower your income enough to qualify for Medicaid?

[quiero a mi bebe]

Man I feel sooo bad for you! Tht must suck to have that worry on top of all of the other worries of an unplanned pregnancy. I am 13 weeks pregnant, it was unplanned but what I really wanted, and still with the morning sickness I forget that this is what I wanted so bad. Is there a company you can buy medical insurance from monthly? I don't know, I live in Canada so I pay nothing to go to the doc or hospital.

I do understand because my BIL's girlfriend was visiting us( from mexico-no insurance) and she had a misscarriage, and it was like $2000 in hospital fees, and thats with them working things out so it would be more affordable. It probably would have been like $6000 more or less if it were somewhere else.

Ihope you can work things out and begin to enjoy your pregnancy and have a safe birth, and a less expensive one at that! How does anyone do it? I know I would just like you feel if I were in your shoes. Good luck, I hope you can work things out!

[DanielleT]

You know planned or not; us pregnant mamas have enough to worry about without the worry of whether or not you can actually afford to give birth...I too am from Canada so i can't offer anything other than my prayers that everything works itself out for you....

[kcparker]

No chance husband would even be willing to do an interview with a homebirth midwife? That doesn't cost anything, and he can make a more informed choice after talking and maybe doing some reading. Arm yourself with some literature on the safety and affordability of homebirth, have him watch Business of Being Born, and ask him to at least consider it as a possibility instead of dismissing it out of hand. My midwife did sliding scale, payment plans, had me do labwork through a local lab that wasn't very expensive. Even with renting a birthtub, it was under $3000 for everything, and it was such a wonderful birth. You might have to forgo ultrasounds and genetic screens, but you are pretty low-risk in that dept. based on your age.

[beanbean]

Would your DH consider a birthing center? That might assuage his fears.

You might also want to have him interview a midwife with you. That made all the difference for my DH.

[Ambyrkatt]

Just curious as to what state you are in. I am a Medi-cal worker (Medicaid for CA) and we have quite a lot of pregnancy programs offered here. I do understand that each state is different and that we tend to offer more than other states, but are you sure there's not a higher level program that you might qualify for? I know that for us, once you qualify for a pregnancy program, you will not lose your coverage while you are pregnant even if you do go over income.... perhaps there is a similar rule where you live?

[Just1More]

That's right, America. Don't work. Then you can pay your bills.

Stuff like this really, really bothers me. I'm so sorry you are stuck in that ditch where you need help but no longer qualify. The "system" would make so much more sense if you could walk and say, "Here's what I can do." And they would fill in the gaps.

, Mama. It'll work out.

(I remember a friend saying "We're still paying for M" (their son, who was 10), but he's worth it.)

[babyjelly]

was in your situation with my first child. In my case, it worked out alright because my dd's father wrecked a company vehicle, failed the subsequent standard drug screen, and got fired, so then we qualified for medicaid (and we split up). Not a course I would recommend.
I'm without coverage for this pg, but we are homebirthing. I agree with the suggestion to consider a birthing center.
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[IdentityCrisisMama]

What a suck-ie situation, mama!! May I suggest that you just get the Medicaid forms and fill them out based on your current income? I feel like it may be easier to get something done with an application in the system. Did you remember to factor the new baby in to your family size? I feel like there must be some options for you (though maybe I've always lived in some fairly liberal states as far as aid goes).

Either way, it sucks to deal with a new pregnancy (unplanned to boot!) and have your first worry be how to pay for MW or OB.

It's true that a homebirth MW is quite a bit cheaper but that's not going to work if it isn't something you and DP are comfortable with. If it's just him with hesitations, you may want to bring him to a meet and greet.

I hope everything works out!!

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by Just1More

That's right, America. Don't work. Then you can pay your bills.

Sadly that's the way it is sometimes. It sucks, yes, but it is what it is. If all her money from working AND THEN MORE is going to go towards outrageous medical bills or she could quit work during the pregnancy and get on Medicaid and not be in massive debt over this.... I would choose the quit work/medicaid route every single time.

[myk]

i'm sorry you have financial stress. it doesn't make sense that a raise would put you in a financial crisis, but that's how it is sometimes. i wish you all could have full coverage for your medical bills.

[reticentwife&mama]

Thank you all so much for the supportive responses. Either I'm crazy hormonal b/c of the pregnancy or it's been so long since anyone has been kind, because the responses made me get teary-eyed. Haha. Lame.

I ran the numbers and if I quit my already very part-time job, we'd still be over by about $30. Awesome much. It is what it is and we'll deal with it. We have three birthing centers in our area: two are run by midwives and the other is affiliated with a hospital. I don't know what we're going to do yet, but I'm trying to remain optimistic that things will work out because honestly, there's really no other choice in all of this. It's not like I can tell the baby "Hey, stay in there for another year or two" Just like a lot has changed in the past year, a lot can change in the next nine*ish months. I'm going to be hopeful that whatever changes happen are positive.

Anyway, thank you again for the supportive responses. I'm pretty surprised. I expected much worse in terms of responses. It's nice to know that there are caring, kind people on the internet. Have a great day!

[Aliy]

I really hope there can be a solution for you. I'm Canadain as well so we don't have anywhere near the same finical issue but I do have to pay a monthly premuim that when you pay it it actually covers less for you... yes makes really no sense but still.

we work too hard to make do that we never qualify for any assistance and it sucks casut sure we could just both really cut back our work and then we could qualify but it just seems counter productive... and $30 really that must be annoying

[Arianwen]

When I found out I was PG I was at first, totally freaked out (didn't know how DBF (now DH) would react and I was in college full-time and living in a crappy basement suite. Yikes! I was in Canada, though, so I didn't have the insurance worries you do.

DH helped me move to CO (where he lives) we got married and now I'm on his insurance buuuut the birthing centre is out-of-network so the deductible is going to suck. I freaked out at first but DH is handling it (most of it confuses the heck out of me anyway.) I have my fingers crossed things turn out OK for you guys, you don't need the $ stress on top of everything else.

[WifeofAnt]

Lots of s!

Do you think you could estimate how much you'll be getting in your taxes when the new year rolls around? If you could find a midwife and a birth center willing to work something out that you pay them with your taxes then maybe that would work.

[MaryLang]

You have the right attitude. Everything will work out.
I understand how stressful this is. When I was pregnant with #1, my husband had just switched jobs and I got pregnant right in the exact month between his old jobs insurance ending and just before the new insurance would have kicked in. Well, now that I was pregnant, my Dh's new insurance wouldn't take me (I was not "working", I was a fostermom) because my pregnancy was "pre-existing. I was without insurance until my 5 or 6th month, when I finally found a health insurance I could purchase privately for myself. It was expensive, I think 400 a mnth, but it was worth it. And I ended up having a c/s, so it was very much worth it having so much covered.