Would you involve teacher in this case?

[4Marmalade]

We are in the process of getting some help for our almost 8 year old ds. We have done an on the phone interview with our local children's mental health services department and are set up to have a first meeting mid-October which is about 2 hours long. After that meeting they will provide further recommendations and be able to refer us to the help we need in terms of therapy, evaluations, etc... I am also going to contact our family doctor and hopefully get a referral to a pediatrician and/or child's psycologist. The issues at home are plentiful (sensory, anxiety, violent outbursts, etc...) but he seems to hold it together fairly well at school now (we had issues starting school but that can be typical of many children). He is in grade 3 now and the only issues they have ever brought up are that they notice he is a bit quiet, needs encouragement (he is a perfectionist and does not like making mistakes) so he feels he is doing things "right" and tends to "tattle-tale" a bit (he is very aware of rules and routine). But, in the end he is what they call a "model student" and does very well academically. Socially, still on the slower end but no red-flags that have been mentioned to me.

I am keeping a journal right now so that I can refer to it when we have our initial appointment and so I can remember examples to share. I would like to have some input from his teacher because it is so very hard for me to figure out what is going on with him there. I just can't believe that things can be so out of control at home while there are no red flags at school or maybe he just hasn't had someone notice them yet. Should I contact his teacher and just mention that we are looking into getting some help for his anxiety and behavioural issues at home and just ask her to be on the look out? Or should we keep her out of it for now and update the school as needed (if needed)? I just worry about going to these appointments and not having anyone outside of our home noticing these things.

[khaoskat]

Ask for a Sleep Study. Do your research on what lack of sleep can do to a child, and try to see if you can correct any potential sleep issues first.

I have done that with my 2nd grader and have noticed a huge improvement.

[4Marmalade]

Originally Posted by khaoskat

Ask for a Sleep Study. Do your research on what lack of sleep can do to a child, and try to see if you can correct any potential sleep issues first.

I have done that with my 2nd grader and have noticed a huge improvement.

Hmmm....I didn't think of sleep being much of a factor in his case. He is very regular in his sleep patterns. Goes to bed around 7:30pm to read, falls asleep around 8pm and is up around 6am. So, about 10 solid hours of sleep. We co-slept with him until about age 6 and we did not notice any sleep issues (nightmares, wakenings, etc...). I'll look around for some research and see if anything fits.

[ssh]

If your DS is a perfectionist and has managed to keep his behavior at school good enough to seem a model student, while dealing with mental health issues, telling his teacher about his problems could undermine his efforts and embarrass him. Have you asked your DS how he feels about talking to his teacher? His control at school could be part of why his issues are so bad at home. He probably can't keep up the control any longer and he is probably acting out at home in response to stress during the day at school. Children often feel safer at home with their primary care givers and save their outbursts and worse behavior for when they feel safe.

Also a sleep study is a good idea or at least checking to see if he is getting enough sleep for his age. I believe at 8 it's 8 to 10 hours a night.

[khaoskat]

Sometimes the issues do not fully bring them awake, but enough to disrupt the sleep.

We had sleep apnea, and even though DS would sleep 12 hours, and not come to full wakefullness, he would still have disrupted sleep when his breathing would stop and he would semi wake up to breath.

[Chinaberry]

Originally Posted by ssh

Children often feel safer at home with their primary care givers and save their outbursts and worse behavior for when they feel safe.

^^this

Depends on your relationship with the teacher.
Because he's not having trouble at school, might want to keep that a successful space.
But if you trust her (?) to keep it on the downlow, you could just mention, "hey we're looking into a couple things, if you notice any changes in DS, could you let us know?".

CB

[joensally]

The assessor will likely ask that inventories (questionnaires that describe issues and ask if this is always/sometimes/never an issue for the child) be completed by parents and teacher. You could ask the teacher to complete one, just vaguely explaining that DS's doctor asked for it. If he's doing well at school Í'd keep this quiet for now.

[4Marmalade]

Thanks all. I think we'll keep her out of it for now as we really don't know what we're dealing with. But I think this will be a harder year at school as ds's perfectionism and worry about testing, etc... is coming into play now that there is a lot more emphasis on the academics and testing. He just seems to be losing confidence and self-esteem is lowered. I imagine we will need her help at some point in the near future. Unless something comes up we'll wait and see what happens at our meeting in a few weeks.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by ssh

His control at school could be part of why his issues are so bad at home. He probably can't keep up the control any longer and he is probably acting out at home in response to stress during the day at school.

For my DD, it's not so much that she can't keep up the control once she is home, but at school she tends to put a lot of effort into "passing" as normal. She knows she is different, but picks up on social cues enough to really try to *act* normal. But it's just a act. She's herself at home.

While it doesn't sound like you need to tell the teacher what is going on right now, you may need to be upfront with the school at some point. Doing what is best for your child may end up being telling them his eventual dx so that they can make appropriate accommodations for him. You might want to start work on making your peace with that.

My DD's school was part of her dx process. The social worker talked to all her teachers and wrote a summary for the doctor doing the dx. Once we had a dx, all the teachers were privy to the accommodations she needed to make school work for her. She's attended 2 schools now and both staffs have been WONDERFUL. They really want to help her and for her to succeed. They can do that better with more information.