When does it stop being it?

[annaconda]

I'm pretty new to things, five weeks and change I think.

First pregnancy, happy marriage, very much planned and we're excited.

So when does it stop being an it? When do I start feeling like there's a baby? Is it after the first trimester and all the fatigue/nausea etc passes? Is it after we see a heart beat? (three weeks away?) Is it quickening?

I know everyone is different but I'm wondering when more experienced folks felt the switch.

[Galatea]

About halfway through, for me, def. after an ultrasound.

[Just1More]

It's been different for each one of mine.

My first was always very real to me, and my second was mostly. The first time we could hear a heartbeat helps a lot.

I've been distant, for different reasons, for my 3rd and 4th. Just now, literally, in the last few days, I feel ready to accept that there is a baby. (I was due 10 days ago...). I will have to add that I didn't do any early prenatal care with this one, though. I don't know if that matters or not.

[sewingsparklz]

Hi! The hearbeat definitely helps...then quickening a lot more...then having to wear maternity clothes and feeling and looking pregnant even more...I guess it comes in stages for me. But once this stupid nausea goes away I will be able to think of something other than my miserable self for a change!

[kallyn]

I'm 37 weeks and it still feels like an it. Of course that isn't helped by the fact that we don't know the sex, so we even call it an it! I think I won't feel like it's an actual baby until I'm holding it.

[MyFullHouse]

It's different for me every time!

This one is still a semi-It, and I'm nearly 27 weeks, I know the gender, and I'm pretty sure of his name. But, sometimes, he's still just an It!

Other times, it's been more "real" right from the BFP.

[DanielleT]

I think it depends on what pg it is for you and whether it was planned or not and how long you were TTC...I also think it really depends on if you've had losses, but for me i think not only will i need to see baby at 20w ultrasound but i will also need to feel those BIG reasurring kicks even though i've see heartbeat and had two early ultrasounds...but that's just me

[WifeofAnt]

It was pretty gradual for us. We had an ultrasound done at 10 weeks (dating because I had really long cycles) and we called him 'he' for a little while but he wasn't a solid idea yet. Of course I saw it and I knew it was there but it wasn't that real yet. By 16 weeks I was sure I was feeling him kick (first felt it at 14.5) and it felt the little tapping gave him personality. By 18-20 weeks I could feel him on the outside and that's when he really started becoming 'my baby' and an individual separate from myself. He liked it when I ate macaroni and cheese, he didn't like me resting my arm across my bump. The longer he's in there the more things we share. In the last month he's started getting excited whenever I play my Nintendo DS (I play with the volume up) and when his daddy talks to him in the morning.

[macandcheese]

Originally Posted by kallyn

I'm 37 weeks and it still feels like an it. Of course that isn't helped by the fact that we don't know the sex, so we even call it an it! I think I won't feel like it's an actual baby until I'm holding it.

I'm just 24 weeks, but I agree with what kallyn said. Logically I know it's a baby, but the whole thing continues to feel very abstract to me. We've been calling it Blueberry, though, so we don't often call it "It."

[MaerynPearl]

As soon as baby has a name. So for this one and DD it was as soon as we knew gender, with DS it was about a week after we found out he was a boy.

Then was no longer it... but instead baby Mae.

[greenmulberry]

Once we got a gender and 'it' became a 'she'.

[Blanca78]

I'm still not quite there, but seeing the heartbeat at the 8-week ultrasound brought me a long way forward. It's still all abstract but less so every time I look at the picture of little blob that sort of resembles a proto-human, and remember the flicker in its chest.

[Ambyrkatt]

Originally Posted by kallyn

I'm 37 weeks and it still feels like an it. Of course that isn't helped by the fact that we don't know the sex, so we even call it an it! I think I won't feel like it's an actual baby until I'm holding it.

We didn't find out the gender with DS but we did this time. Still, both times, everything has felt so abstract. I didn't really connect and feel bonded with DS until the midwife placed him on my chest and I imagine it will be the same this time, too. I mean, I'm 39w2d and it's still abstract...we're running out of time!

[kallyn]

I'm glad I'm not the only one!

[zinemama]

Not until both of my children were born, and even then it took awhile to warm up to them.

Some (many?) women don't "bond" during pregnancy or even right away. And to be honest, I think it's just one more unreasonable expectation placed on us during a time when we're already hyperconscious about what we eat, how much we excercise, how we plan to birth, what we'll do about diapering, will we make a belly cast, etc. etc. On top of all that, we now wonder if something's wrong when we don't feel a sense of connection to what can feel very abstract indeed.

If you feel that connection, wonderful. But if you don't, really, there's nothing wrong or unusual about it.

[Banana731]

I think for us baby is an "it" until birth. It's not even a no-connection thing. It's a practicality. We don't find out the sex until birth. I don't say "it" because I'm not attached, I say "it" because that's shorter than saying "the baby" all the time.

[Beverly]

Add me to the "abstract-until-birth" list.

[IdentityCrisisMama]

I'm on the "not until after it's born" list and then some. On some level I think the baby is an it for a bit longer even...like until you get to know it. Quickening definitely makes the idea seem more like a "thing" though.

[outlier]

For me it happened when the baby was finally big enough to react to my poking it or to startle at sudden loud sounds. So, toward the end of 2nd tri. Before that I would feel the baby kick around, but once it was "interacting" with the outside world, it became a little person with opinions about what it was experiencing. So cool.

[dakotablue]

For me with DS, I had so many ultrasounds it became 'the baby' after we saw him dancing around on the screen at 9 weeks.

This one...I'm 19 weeks and it just became 'the baby' I feel her moving more and reacting to sound. Its becoming real.

We didn't find out the sex until birth with ds and don't plan to with this one either.