Traditional Catholic Moms Fall 2010 chat - Page 2

[dirndl]

Thanks for the welcome! It sure feels good, to know where I belong ...

[gothnurse3]

Hello Everybody!!!
Have really gotten back to my faith in the last year. Brought DD to CCD today. The Sister that was running the program came up to me and asked/told me that she needed ME to teach 4th grade. I am a Catechism TEACHER!?!??!
Only my Dh understands...so I hope someone here understands how amazing this is. Thanks for letting me share!

[PatienceAndLove]

congrats GothNurse!

And welcome back home!

[jest]

Hi! Just checking in to the new thread.

Does anyone have any ideas for All Saints day costumes that are inexpensive and easy (don't require sewing, etc.)? This would be a costume for my 5-year-old boy.

[PatienceAndLove]

Originally Posted by jest

Hi! Just checking in to the new thread.

Does anyone have any ideas for All Saints day costumes that are inexpensive and easy (don't require sewing, etc.)? This would be a costume for my 5-year-old boy.

You can make a pretty passable St. Michael with nothing more than a white t-shirt, cardboard, and foil.
If you want to go for the armor, just use a white t-shirt and jeans or blank pants underneath. Wings aren't needed, but could be fun. A good costume shop will have nice ones that aren't too spendy, but can always be saved for future All Saints days.

other ideas:
Saint Michael the Archangel Halloween costume
Costume Ideas for All Saints Day

[jest]

Thank you, P&L...those links were very helpful. Tonight my kids were running through the house and I noticed my son was wearing my brown hooded cardigan and it was pretty big on him. So I stopped him, zipped it up and folded the sleeves a little, and by golly I think I can make it work as a Franciscan robe!

[PatienceAndLove]

Originally Posted by jest

Thank you, P&L...those links were very helpful. Tonight my kids were running through the house and I noticed my son was wearing my brown hooded cardigan and it was pretty big on him. So I stopped him, zipped it up and folded the sleeves a little, and by golly I think I can make it work as a Franciscan robe!

Yay for St. Francis!!!

[sugarplumama]

It is very nice to see a Catholic discussion, makes me feel at home I have recently been able to go back to Mass because of not working every single weekend anymore and IT FEELS GREAT!

[theboysmama]

please pray for my dh and myself. We are really struggling right now. I feel very strongly we should be using nfp. Dh wants to use condoms. He sais that by refusing to use condoms I am holding him hostage (basically bcs he can't dtd whenever he wants). I feel strongly that bc is not ok and not ok for our family. I would also like to have another baby, especially after the loss of Emeric. Earlier in the week he said he didn't think he could stay married to me if we continued to use NFP and last night he said that he would just go and get the vaccectomy so I would see how it feels not to be a part of the decision. He sais he is going to leave the catholic church (I told him that wouldn't change anything bcs I would still be catholic and regardless if I was I would still have these beliefs). I have had strong messages from God and the blessed mother (I belieive) that we are to have more children and just trust in them. Dh doesn't want to hear it. We were up until 3am and my ds1 got up and took care of the kids this morning and has done a great job. So I just woke up and we missed mass. We would have to be leaving now for the latest service.
Please pray for us during this hard time, that we can come to some kind of agreement, so we can both stop being in so much pain in regards to this issue.
This is really wearing on my marriage

[PatienceAndLove]

I have no words of wisdom for you theboysmama, other than that I shall keep you in my prayers.

I guess it would be wrong to say let him use the condoms or get the vasectomy- they would be his sins, and not yours- but we get married in order to help lead our spouses to heaven.

Why is he upset about NFP? Because he can't dtd whenever he wants? Is he equating sex with love? Is he unsure about having more children because of the loss of your child? It is possible that he is venting his sadness and anger through being angry at NFP.

[Arduinna]

I wonder if any of this is related to the grief due to you recently losing a child. I don't know but I am thinking that maybe he is trying to grasp onto something that he feels he can control because losing a child so clearly shows us how little we can control in life? Or maybe he just isn't ready to be open to life yet. I know that after I lost our baby ( this was years ago) that I felt that getting pregnant would be a betrayal of the child I lost. I emotionally felt it would be wrong because I should have the child I lost. So how could I be open and joyful to another child, that would not have been concieved if I was still pregnant. I emotionally felt I had to get past the due date for it to be ok to me. I felt that way for quite a few months after the loss. It may not make sense, but grief doesn't always make sense you know?

[theboysmama]

You guys are all right, really. There are a lot of factors involved.
We just lost a baby (9wks ago) that was a huge surprise due to a funky pp cycle.
Dh is disabled and on disability, we are low income, he is low energy, we have a small house, yada yada. So a lot of his points on our family being complete are very valid that is just not the answer that I am receiving when I pray, etc. I also have a strong desire to have more children after I lost my son as I really was able to appreciate how wonderful and precious all children are even if only for a short time. I want the chance to enjoy ALL of my pg, all of my childs life, and not be caught up in worry like I was with this pg.
He is totally trying to grasp onto and control something and feels so out of control with NFP. He also wants to dtd whenever he wants and not have the "church" control when that can be (at least that is part of his arguement for now).
As far as letting him use condoms being his sin I feel that it is mine as well. I would be dtd with my husband knowing that I was fertile and knowing that he was actively preventing life, so isn't that my sin too?
It is really frustrating for both of us and I think we are going to have to come up with some type of compromise where we are both having to move into uncomfortable territory like possibly pulling out. I don't know but I do know that I have a strong marriage and we can get through this but man it is tough.
Thank you for your responses, I just wanted to put it out there for prayers as we need all of the help we can get right now.

[ltlmrs]

Originally Posted by theboysmama

He sais he is going to leave the catholic church (I told him that wouldn't change anything bcs I would still be catholic and regardless if I was I would still have these beliefs). I have had strong messages from God and the blessed mother (I belieive) that we are to have more children and just trust in them.

Hugs! I can't even begin to imagine what a difficult situation this is for you!

As far as letting him use condoms being his sin I feel that it is mine as well. I would be dtd with my husband knowing that I was fertile and knowing that he was actively preventing life, so isn't that my sin too?

for what it's worth I think you should see a priest and consult him *on your own.* To be honest, I can see how consulting a priest right now might actually make your husband more bitter. When you see the priest, however, confirm with him that if your DH uses bc without your approval if it would be a sin for you. I do not think it will be, but I am not a theologian/cannon lawyer. The fact is, that your feelings whether or not this is a sin for *you* may be scrupulosity, which is also a sin and only a discussion with your priest and spiritual authority can answer that.

It strikes me that your DH is really just feeling a lack of control and reacting with a rebelliousness towards authority. We live in a world where authority basically does not exist and where the individual's feelings are always right. In a situation like this he may be blaming God, the Great Authority, and in reaction rebelling against His Church. I do think that he is being somewhat immature and not being able to dtd anytime one wants is not a good enough reason to leave the Church and one's marriage.

That said, the fact remains that you two are still married and that you have children. He cannot deny you children, but he does have an equal say in the spacing of children. Nor does your body belong to you. On top of all this, you are still called to be submissive to him even if he is sinning. You most definitely cannot and should not act in a way that would cause *you* to sin, but you cannot control him if he chooses to sin just like you cannot deny him marital relations. If he chooses to use bc, and so long as he is not making you do any immoral acts (such as using female contraception), then the sin is his and his alone and as I said: you must confirm this with a Church authority. This is actually the case in many mixed marriages and is unfortunate, but the only way for you to change his mind is through prayer, not argument.

IMO, which I know isn't worth much, if you received strong indications that you will bear more children, then you should trust God that His promises will be fulfilled by acting within the structure of marriage that He has provided for you. There have been plenty of pagans who were converted by their wives and your DH is still Catholic, rebellious or not. And who knows, maybe if your DH sees that he is still in control of his family, then he will repent.

Oh and definitely prayers coming your way! I would think St. Monica would be a good saint to ask intercessions of, we usually think of her as the mother of wayward children, but she was also the wife of a very bad man who repented of his sins and converted because of her prayers.

[BMG580]

theboysmama - I feel for you, my husband and I are in a similar situation though it hasn't gotten to the point in which the anger has gotten so bad that a split has been discussed. I have talked about it with my priest and he assured me that if I made my moral beliefs about birth control known to my husband and he still chose to use condoms that I am not responsible for his choice. He said that marital unity is also very important and I should focus on prayers for my husband's conversion and not focus too strongly on the divisiveness that the use of condoms is creating. Once I started to let it go he has also been more open to discussion of more children. I think he just dug his heels in because he felt like he was being told/ordered/demanded to have more children that he isn't sure he wants. I can totally empathize with you, please hang in there.

[theboysmama]

thank you everyone soooooo very much. Very good advice and just makes me feel a little less alone and confused.
Thank You Thank You Thank You

[JMJ]

I'm on my way to bed, so I don't have much time to respond, but you're in my prayers. Also, check out http://www.retrouvaille.org/ if he would be open to it. I know money is tight for you, but your marriage is important, and I'm sure that if you asked, financial help would be available.

[sugarplumama]

I just want you to know that I am keeping you in my prayers and you are not alone.

[CherryBomb]

theboysmama, what a hard situation. Has your dh had these kinds of feelings for awhile, or have they mainly come up after you lost Emeric? If it's mostly been after losing the baby, then I think it sounds like he has a lot of pain and anger right now. Many prayers for you both.

I'm leaving soon to see my OB. I was put on bedrest last week for hypertension, I'm 2 days past my due date now and hoping that she will okay induction (not something I'd normally be interested in, but bp issues are serious and I don't want to push my luck). Prayers are appreciated!

[JMJ]

Prayers for you and the babe, CB. I hope everything is going well.

[lavatea]

Hello! So glad to have found you ladies. I'm a recent convert (began RCIA 2 years ago, officially entered this Easter). Can't wait to get to know you all better. I have a few Catholic friends IRL but not very many.

Theboysmama - Let me just tell you that I feel your pain. My husband and I started practicing NFP in January '09, and it has been an uphill battle. He, too, bucked against not getting to use condoms, and said all sorts of things that I pray he didn't really mean. We still struggle with immoral acts that he wants performed on him *ahem* that I can't in good conscience do. I explained that it can be part of foreplay, but all foreplay had to end in intercourse. He doesn't like that explanation, and we periodically have to fight/talk it out. So far I've been able to stick to my guns, and he usually gives up for a while.

As for going ahead with intercourse even if your husband puts on a condom, please, please check that with an Traditional, faithful priest. I have heard others say that you can't be held accountable if he insists on wearing a condom, but I'd really encourage you to check that just to be safe. And I encourage you to check it with a priest you know to be faithful to the Church's teaching.

If you ladies are up for it, please pray for my husband's conversion. I'm getting ready to do a novena to St. Jude regarding it. Also, we're TTC (and carry to term) another child. And I could use some guidance regarding godparents for my two living children. I only have one couple that I feel comfortable asking, but I know they already have multiple godchildren. So I've been hesitant to ask. But my kids need to be Baptised!

I will keep you all in my prayers.